Tenderhearted, sensitive, thin skinned, sappy, emo, soft hearted, cry baby, overly emotional. Words that I have heard over and over my entire life. I am a sensitive person with a big heart, I wear my heart on my sleeve for all to see. For years and years, I have worked hard to change, adapt and assimilate to this character trait. In the end, I've found it is a gift and I am thankful for it.
When I was a little girl, my parents took me to see the new Benji movie in theaters. It ended up they had to take me from the theater screaming and crying, "Help him, help him find his family." I remember being carried up the aisle by my Dad. I was only about three years old and already showing my heart for the hurting and the lost.
In my school days, it was rough being a sensitive girl. Often a harsh personality, a confrontation or even a joke could make me cry. My poor friend Rico and I had some doozy of battles but he was the first person to really tell me to get a thicker skin aside from my family.
I often drove my family crazy,taking everything to heart and personally. I often got in trouble for my crying episodes some of which were wrong at times.
As a married woman, it would often cause issues in fights. I always ended up crying and my husband didn't really know how to handle that. For years, I prayed for God to change me and make me a thicker skinned person.
I didn't want to cry over everything. I didn't want to be overly emotional, why couldn't I just be like everyone else and not care?
Eventually a series of events led me to go to counseling and learn to control my emotions. I learned my emotions are a wonderful gift, if kept in check and used for the right purposes. I learned how to work on dealing with tough situations and take every thought capitive.
I eventually learned that my sensitivity is a gift. It helps me be sensitive to the hurting, people who just need a kind ear and a hug. It isn't a burden when you are using it for the right purposes.
As the years have come and gone, I have met many wonderful people. I have learned to care less about what others think, to blow off things that don't matter and not cry over everything. I used to cry everyday, now I don't.
This sensitivity comes with another gift of being able to have a "spidey sense" as one friend puts it about others emotions and feelings. I am often dead on the money when someone is hurting or needs prayer. They are often thankful for my tenderheart in their time of need.
My good friend Joyce once told me, "if you didn't cry, your head would burst. Let the tears flow"
Sometimes I cry when I am happy, when I am laughing really hard, I cry when someone truimphs, I cry at the agony of defeat in sports, I cry at sappy movies and commercials. I cry when someone else is hurting and it is something that I wouldn't change for the world.
When a friend is sad, I am the first to give a hug and a listening ear. I often am the first person people come to when they need a shoulder to cry on, when they need prayer and a safe place to share.
I've never struggled with depression or low self esteem. My sensitivity has nothing to do with either of those things. I just have a marshmallow for a heart and I wear that heart where everyone can see it.
I work on it everyday, making sure I learn to keep my emotions in check and using them for the right purpose. As the years go by, I get thicker and thicker skin. Sometimes my emotions get the best of me, now I realize that and immediately start to put them in check.
I learned when Marty was sick that life is short and for so many years, I let small things rob me of my daily joy.
This can be a process at times, It can take a while for me to let things go but I eventually do.
Life is good, life is really good. I have learned to let the small things go, enjoy each day and not to sweat the small stuff. I know what is important in life and what isn't, I learned that the hard way. Recently the death of my friend has put many of these things in perspective again. It was her motto and I promised to live that everyday.
As my title states, I am Just Jules and I am happy with who I am. If you don't like it, then I am sorry to hear that I am not going to worry about that. Not everyone has to like me and I am finally okay with that. Life is really good and I am happy with that.
A/N But if you hurt one of my friends or family, I do have a harder time letting that go. Make fun of me all you want but you better not make fun of them. Then I get mad.
Also thanks to my friend Tiy for the blog idea.
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