Be Kind
Love others more than you love yourself
Bring joy to someone everyday
Smile,its easy to do and you will often get one in return.
Listen more than you do talk
Being encouraging is so much easier than being discouraging and feels better.
Be happy its contagious
Being honest is easier than lying
Above all be true to yourself and be the kind of friend you would like in return. It doesn't always come back to you but when it does, it feels amazing.
I love others, sometimes far more than I love myself. It is hard for me when others don't love me in return. I just think everyone should get along with everyone else. Unfortunately the world doesn't work that way. This year, I've learned you cannot control others reactions and you cannot make somebody like you even if you're nice to them. Some people just don't like nice.
Now I have learned nice has a limit. Sadly, I learned this lesson from my own siblings, I was nice until it was a detriment to my own sanity. Though nice, soft and fairly easy going, I have a limits and boundaries. No longer am I the doormat that I once was and definitely will not be pushed around.
I've lived a hard enough life to be tough as nails under my soft demeanor. I was also raised to love myself, respect myself and take care of myself. As much as I love people, I am suprisingly self sufficient and independent.
Basically, you don't have to like my happy go lucky Pollyanna ways, I won't be happy that you don't like me but in the end, its your loss not mine.
One of my personal goals is to work on not caring what others think about me by the time I am forty. Working on it everyday and making slow but sure progress. I care about others and when someone doesn't care back, it hurts me. I love having a heart that is soft and cares for others but it can be a thorn in the flesh as well. Definitely my achilles heal at times.
Today was a long busy day at work and home. This is just what came out of my jumbled thoughts tonight.
A modern day Pollyanna waxing poetic about her life.
Showing posts with label me. Show all posts
Showing posts with label me. Show all posts
Wednesday, November 20, 2013
Friday, November 15, 2013
Sometimes Good Days, Start Out Rough......
The day actually started on a high note, we got good news first thing that our health insurance debacle of the summer was finally straightened out. Marty and I were rejoicing until I got ticked off at him. Yep, I am normal, I do get ticked at him from time to time. I am just a big believer in building up your spouse and never sharing when they tick you off with others. Anyways, it was just a miscommunication and misunderstanding of something I wanted done. No biggie.
Then it all went downhill, like the song ''Manic Monday'' except it was Friday. I left my wallet in the wrong car, I never leave it in the car period but did last night after my grocery run. Then I realized, my car was on empty and needed gas but I had no card or cash. I hadn't packed a lunch and was by now running behind.
Sad to say, I kind of barked at Conner, he had offered to get my wallet out of the other car but said it wasn't in there. He said I brought it in the night before. Alas, he was wrong and it really was in the other car with Marty at work.
I jumped in my car, started down the gravel drive only to realize, I left my glasses in the house. Car in reverse, flipped a U-turn and back to the house. Procurred glasses and headed on my way.............until I realized that I left my entry badge for work in the house. Flipped another U-turn and back to the house this time I grabbed an apple in a hurry.
By this time, I was in full blown tears. I hurried my way to work in a state after calling Marty very upset.
No lunch, no cash, no water....it was going to be a long day.
As I sat in class, I heard my name called out. Here came the security guard from the front with my wallet, water and mints ( and cash added to my wallet so I could eat). Marty had come to the rescue, I heard a lot of ''awwws'' from the ladies around the room. I am so blessed to have a good husband.
We were working on test claims for drugs in class today. It reminded me of the time not too long ago when Marty took most of the drugs we were working on. Reminds me, we are so blessed and our life is amazingly good right now! Reminded me, just a few short years ago, we were in darkness with little hope.
Lunch time came, I went to get gas in my car and get some lunch. Originally I was going to go to the grocery store which I get a deal on gas at but it was past my lunch destination. So I started to pull into somewhere closer, hesitated but had a gut feeling to just stop there.
I decided to just use the cash to pay and headed in the store. I was waiting in line when I heard a young girl crying, she was at the atm in the store, baby carrier in hand. She had her phone up to hear year and was yelling into the receiver, apparently her ex didn't put the child support in and she had no money. She said she was taking the baby to the doctor and ran out of gas ( I couldn't help but over hear her conversation) and ''how could the dad not care about his baby?''
She was in anguish, it reminded me, I am blessed and even though I had a rough morning it could be worse. I took the cash out of my wallet, walked up to her and put it in her hand. She stopped crying and looked at me, ''Thank you, this is so embarrassing.'' and starts speaking into the receiver, '' a random stanger had to come up and give me cash. Even they care more than you.'' I just looked at her and told her, ''It's okay, we've all been there''
( I could tell she was sincere, being from Calfornia, I have seen every trick and am excellent at reading people. She really was anguished and really upset)
It was that Ah- ha moment, the one that hits you like a ton of bricks. If I had my wallet that morning, I would have gotten gas on the way to work. I wouldn't have needed to stop at that gas station and been there right at the time the girl needed. We even went to lunch early today, it was one of those goosebump and chill giving moments. Things happen for a reason and that was my reason.
Smile on my face, I returned to work ready to face the day with an attitude adjustment. Life is good, sometimes I fail at not sweating the small stuff. I work on it constantly and lately have been not doing so well at that. Working on returning to not worry about the little things in life, re-training my mind afer a rough few months.
Life is good. Be happy and pay it forward. It is cheap, easy and fun!
Then it all went downhill, like the song ''Manic Monday'' except it was Friday. I left my wallet in the wrong car, I never leave it in the car period but did last night after my grocery run. Then I realized, my car was on empty and needed gas but I had no card or cash. I hadn't packed a lunch and was by now running behind.
Sad to say, I kind of barked at Conner, he had offered to get my wallet out of the other car but said it wasn't in there. He said I brought it in the night before. Alas, he was wrong and it really was in the other car with Marty at work.
I jumped in my car, started down the gravel drive only to realize, I left my glasses in the house. Car in reverse, flipped a U-turn and back to the house. Procurred glasses and headed on my way.............until I realized that I left my entry badge for work in the house. Flipped another U-turn and back to the house this time I grabbed an apple in a hurry.
By this time, I was in full blown tears. I hurried my way to work in a state after calling Marty very upset.
No lunch, no cash, no water....it was going to be a long day.
As I sat in class, I heard my name called out. Here came the security guard from the front with my wallet, water and mints ( and cash added to my wallet so I could eat). Marty had come to the rescue, I heard a lot of ''awwws'' from the ladies around the room. I am so blessed to have a good husband.
We were working on test claims for drugs in class today. It reminded me of the time not too long ago when Marty took most of the drugs we were working on. Reminds me, we are so blessed and our life is amazingly good right now! Reminded me, just a few short years ago, we were in darkness with little hope.
Lunch time came, I went to get gas in my car and get some lunch. Originally I was going to go to the grocery store which I get a deal on gas at but it was past my lunch destination. So I started to pull into somewhere closer, hesitated but had a gut feeling to just stop there.
I decided to just use the cash to pay and headed in the store. I was waiting in line when I heard a young girl crying, she was at the atm in the store, baby carrier in hand. She had her phone up to hear year and was yelling into the receiver, apparently her ex didn't put the child support in and she had no money. She said she was taking the baby to the doctor and ran out of gas ( I couldn't help but over hear her conversation) and ''how could the dad not care about his baby?''
She was in anguish, it reminded me, I am blessed and even though I had a rough morning it could be worse. I took the cash out of my wallet, walked up to her and put it in her hand. She stopped crying and looked at me, ''Thank you, this is so embarrassing.'' and starts speaking into the receiver, '' a random stanger had to come up and give me cash. Even they care more than you.'' I just looked at her and told her, ''It's okay, we've all been there''
( I could tell she was sincere, being from Calfornia, I have seen every trick and am excellent at reading people. She really was anguished and really upset)
It was that Ah- ha moment, the one that hits you like a ton of bricks. If I had my wallet that morning, I would have gotten gas on the way to work. I wouldn't have needed to stop at that gas station and been there right at the time the girl needed. We even went to lunch early today, it was one of those goosebump and chill giving moments. Things happen for a reason and that was my reason.
Smile on my face, I returned to work ready to face the day with an attitude adjustment. Life is good, sometimes I fail at not sweating the small stuff. I work on it constantly and lately have been not doing so well at that. Working on returning to not worry about the little things in life, re-training my mind afer a rough few months.
Life is good. Be happy and pay it forward. It is cheap, easy and fun!
Friday, November 1, 2013
NaBloPoMo 2013
It's become my November tradition, dating back to 2007. My friend Di suggested we all join in with the Blogher ladies and do NaBloPoMo. I had never heard of such a thing but once again played follow the leader with Di and joined in. Used to be Andrea,Di and I blogging away for two years and then just Di and I. Now, I stand alone in the NaBloPoMo challenge.
This year, I have actually thought about not blogging. I am busy training eight hours a day, five days a week for the next six weeks for my new job. I am sitting at a computer all day, reading and learning. The last thing I really want to do is blog.
The thing is..........I have been writing several blogs in my head for the last few weeks. Yep, you read the right, I write all of my blogs in my head before I actually publish them. I start the bones of them that way before ever sitting down at the computer. My brain is a fascinating place, it is a like a giant Rolodex of memories and blog ideas.
Along with my photographic memory, I can write a blog and put pictures in it all in my head. For me, this is completely normal until I realized, most people can't tell you every single picture they have by just thinking about it. Last night, I was looking for some Halloween pictures and really wanted one of Elizabeth in a certain costume, I knew that we didn't have a picture of her in that costume though. No need to search, I know exactly what pictures we have and where those pictures are in bins. ( I really need to scan my pictures into my computer, I am so lazy though.)
So anyways, this month I have several blogs lined up to share. I have a few posts that I have been asked to write by an author and an app company. This year, I am actually scared to fail the challenge. I am a purist, I don't write my posts ahead of time, they are written daily during the challenge. I am out of town tomorrow, so this could be challenging in itself. Still working that issue out in my head.
Life has been full lately. Full of learning, living, growing and changing. I hope to share that with you this month. Above all, the labor of love this blog has become is something I want to focus on. It has grown from its early days on Myspace, then switching to Blogger, now its own site which I am thinking of finally transferring over to hosted Wordpress. From maybe five views a blog to over 11,000 hits a month now.
My blogging friends that I started with have quit blogging almost completely. Here I stand, still writing and moving forward. The other night, a huge supporter of this blog actually was encouraging me. Sometimes I wonder, ''why bother? I am only talking about myself most of the time and people must get tired of that.'' but she was telling me that it made a difference and impacted her life. She really built me up and gave me the courage to continue on.
Now I am looking forward to sharing, continuing to be Just Jules and focus on topics that are important to me and my family. I am particularly anxious to share a few stories with you that have impacted my life this year. I hope you will join me on the journey as I attempt to blog everyday in November.
This year, I have actually thought about not blogging. I am busy training eight hours a day, five days a week for the next six weeks for my new job. I am sitting at a computer all day, reading and learning. The last thing I really want to do is blog.
The thing is..........I have been writing several blogs in my head for the last few weeks. Yep, you read the right, I write all of my blogs in my head before I actually publish them. I start the bones of them that way before ever sitting down at the computer. My brain is a fascinating place, it is a like a giant Rolodex of memories and blog ideas.
Along with my photographic memory, I can write a blog and put pictures in it all in my head. For me, this is completely normal until I realized, most people can't tell you every single picture they have by just thinking about it. Last night, I was looking for some Halloween pictures and really wanted one of Elizabeth in a certain costume, I knew that we didn't have a picture of her in that costume though. No need to search, I know exactly what pictures we have and where those pictures are in bins. ( I really need to scan my pictures into my computer, I am so lazy though.)
So anyways, this month I have several blogs lined up to share. I have a few posts that I have been asked to write by an author and an app company. This year, I am actually scared to fail the challenge. I am a purist, I don't write my posts ahead of time, they are written daily during the challenge. I am out of town tomorrow, so this could be challenging in itself. Still working that issue out in my head.
Life has been full lately. Full of learning, living, growing and changing. I hope to share that with you this month. Above all, the labor of love this blog has become is something I want to focus on. It has grown from its early days on Myspace, then switching to Blogger, now its own site which I am thinking of finally transferring over to hosted Wordpress. From maybe five views a blog to over 11,000 hits a month now.
My blogging friends that I started with have quit blogging almost completely. Here I stand, still writing and moving forward. The other night, a huge supporter of this blog actually was encouraging me. Sometimes I wonder, ''why bother? I am only talking about myself most of the time and people must get tired of that.'' but she was telling me that it made a difference and impacted her life. She really built me up and gave me the courage to continue on.
Now I am looking forward to sharing, continuing to be Just Jules and focus on topics that are important to me and my family. I am particularly anxious to share a few stories with you that have impacted my life this year. I hope you will join me on the journey as I attempt to blog everyday in November.
Monday, September 9, 2013
Goodbye 36, Hello 37
I usually write this on September 10, but some events this morning have lead me to write this today.
Every year, I fight the birthday blues. Since 9/11/01 I have struggled with this battle of depression and funk from August to September. Two years, I have done really well and learned some coping tools to help me fight the funk. It is the sole reason I write ''Music that Takes Me Back'' series on this blog, it is a way of keeping my focus.
My new goal in striving to be vulnerable on this blog and transparent, I will honestly share that this year I have struggled fighting that funk. I have been in introspective mode for over a month and let a lot of really minor things eat at me. There have been a couple of major things as well that led me to my usual, '' I hate my birthday and EVERY year something bad happens.'' That isn't true but in my mind that is where I go. Thankfully with the help of my friend's Joel and Kay, I was on a great track of positive thinking until last Friday. We got some news about our new insurance payments and Marty's pay that really just threw me into a pit of wallow, worry and sadness.
My true calling in life is serving others and loving others. This year my service of others has called me into a difficult friendship that has challenged me. I committed to praying for a friend and recently that friend was injured severely and that has left me pretty devastated. I really haven't been able to share that due to respect for privacy and anonymity. It has been a burdened carried in silence. I have also seen other friends struggling with parents falling ill, family struggles, health issues and many other issues. I have been bearing a lot of burdens, I am strong and can handle it, I just sometimes need to share that I need lifting up too.
This year saw us accomplish a major goal of almost twenty years, we moved out of California and started a new adventure. Things have gone very well with virtually no setbacks. Really the only setback has been Elizabeth's struggle to make friends and this recent financial blow. Other than that, it has gone amazingly well for us.
Here is what I learned from my self assessment of the last several months:
I have learned that I over react, sometimes in a really ugly way and really am trying to work on that. I am a bit like Steve Martin in Father of the Bride. I think Marty was about ready to throw me out of the truck on the way to work this morning.
I worry far to much about the little things, I already knew this but it has been maginified recently and I am working on not sweating the small stuff. I remember in the not so distant future thinking Marty was going to die and living in such a dark place. Life is good everyday we are alive! Our lives have been so much worse and I have always overcome. I have overcome more in my life than some overcome in an entire lifetime, I am a testimony to resilience and need to show that to others.
Being independent is a good thing but sometimes you need to lean on others. I have become so used to vaulting others secrets and burdens that I started not sharing my own. So many have heavy weight to carry, that I don't want to burden anyone else. So I just clammed up and that isn't good. I recently have started confiding in more and being completely transparent with a few friends.
I have let others opinions and thoughts about my move eat away at me. Instead of not worrying, I have taken those negative thoughts on as my own burden. I cannot fix it for them or make it better, I just have to know they will deal with it in their own time
This morning, I started the day crying. I just was deep in the funk and dreading this week. I let the little things add up and just contributed it to my annual birthday ''curse'' and Marty was done with it. He and Andrea bear the brunt of this every year and they both try their best to snap me out of it and I pretty much let them down.
I heard this song in the car this morning, reminding me I am an ''Overcomer'' and have overcome so many huge obstacles in life.
I was working on positive thinking when I opened my Twitter and saw this:
Forty is starting to loom closer and I have set some big goals for myself to achieve. It is a few years off but I am telling you to keep myself accountable:
Stop worrying about what others think about me. Just be myself and if someone doesn't like it, then move on and forward. If someone doesn't like what I say or do, that is their problem not my problem.
Stop living in introspection and putting life into action
Get these last 70lbs off for good.
Go back to school. I think that I have finally decided that I want to be a nurse midwife and go back to working in labor and delivery at the very least. This is a long term goal that will take several years to accomplish but next year, I am going to start the foundations.
I have two books to write and I need to write them. Instead of putting it off, I am just going to start doing it. I have stories that need to be told and shared with many people. This blog is a great start but I want to put it in print. We can all see God doing something with the crazy things that happen to me in life and I want to share that with the world...well I already do that don't I?
So here is to making 37 the working year, working for these goals, working with Marty and the kids toward building our future in Tennessee. Focusing on the positive and eliminating the negative.
Thanks to everyone who has been helping me through the past month and letting me lean on them while I have been working it out. We all fall down sometimes and with the help of our friends we get up again! Here is to a great year.
One reason I write the birthday blog series is because I believe in the power of building others up and lifting others up. I love my friends and family, I want the world to know the wonderful people in my life and share them. Making people feel good and important is huge, there is so much power in kindness and treating others as you want to be treated yourself. That came back to me this morning, always so good to have it come back and remind me to keep going forward with that mission in life. My outlook is: ''This life is not about me, it is about self sacrifice and serving God through loving others''
Every year, I fight the birthday blues. Since 9/11/01 I have struggled with this battle of depression and funk from August to September. Two years, I have done really well and learned some coping tools to help me fight the funk. It is the sole reason I write ''Music that Takes Me Back'' series on this blog, it is a way of keeping my focus.
My new goal in striving to be vulnerable on this blog and transparent, I will honestly share that this year I have struggled fighting that funk. I have been in introspective mode for over a month and let a lot of really minor things eat at me. There have been a couple of major things as well that led me to my usual, '' I hate my birthday and EVERY year something bad happens.'' That isn't true but in my mind that is where I go. Thankfully with the help of my friend's Joel and Kay, I was on a great track of positive thinking until last Friday. We got some news about our new insurance payments and Marty's pay that really just threw me into a pit of wallow, worry and sadness.
My true calling in life is serving others and loving others. This year my service of others has called me into a difficult friendship that has challenged me. I committed to praying for a friend and recently that friend was injured severely and that has left me pretty devastated. I really haven't been able to share that due to respect for privacy and anonymity. It has been a burdened carried in silence. I have also seen other friends struggling with parents falling ill, family struggles, health issues and many other issues. I have been bearing a lot of burdens, I am strong and can handle it, I just sometimes need to share that I need lifting up too.
This year saw us accomplish a major goal of almost twenty years, we moved out of California and started a new adventure. Things have gone very well with virtually no setbacks. Really the only setback has been Elizabeth's struggle to make friends and this recent financial blow. Other than that, it has gone amazingly well for us.
Here is what I learned from my self assessment of the last several months:
I have learned that I over react, sometimes in a really ugly way and really am trying to work on that. I am a bit like Steve Martin in Father of the Bride. I think Marty was about ready to throw me out of the truck on the way to work this morning.
I worry far to much about the little things, I already knew this but it has been maginified recently and I am working on not sweating the small stuff. I remember in the not so distant future thinking Marty was going to die and living in such a dark place. Life is good everyday we are alive! Our lives have been so much worse and I have always overcome. I have overcome more in my life than some overcome in an entire lifetime, I am a testimony to resilience and need to show that to others.
Being independent is a good thing but sometimes you need to lean on others. I have become so used to vaulting others secrets and burdens that I started not sharing my own. So many have heavy weight to carry, that I don't want to burden anyone else. So I just clammed up and that isn't good. I recently have started confiding in more and being completely transparent with a few friends.
I have let others opinions and thoughts about my move eat away at me. Instead of not worrying, I have taken those negative thoughts on as my own burden. I cannot fix it for them or make it better, I just have to know they will deal with it in their own time
This morning, I started the day crying. I just was deep in the funk and dreading this week. I let the little things add up and just contributed it to my annual birthday ''curse'' and Marty was done with it. He and Andrea bear the brunt of this every year and they both try their best to snap me out of it and I pretty much let them down.
I heard this song in the car this morning, reminding me I am an ''Overcomer'' and have overcome so many huge obstacles in life.
I was working on positive thinking when I opened my Twitter and saw this:
A young boy Conner's age named Luke did that for me. It was such a sweet gesture from not only Luke but my all time favorite cyclist Jens. It made me smile, forget and let go, because if Jens Voigt says then it is so. He is one of the most inspiring forty year old's I know and truly someone who buries himself for others expecting nothing in return for himself. He is a happy go lucky guy and truly someone I look up to. It was an instant reminder of who I want to be and who I really am. Two men doing something nice for me for no reason at all. It was one of those moments that I reaped and was blessed.
Forty is starting to loom closer and I have set some big goals for myself to achieve. It is a few years off but I am telling you to keep myself accountable:
Stop worrying about what others think about me. Just be myself and if someone doesn't like it, then move on and forward. If someone doesn't like what I say or do, that is their problem not my problem.
Stop living in introspection and putting life into action
Get these last 70lbs off for good.
Go back to school. I think that I have finally decided that I want to be a nurse midwife and go back to working in labor and delivery at the very least. This is a long term goal that will take several years to accomplish but next year, I am going to start the foundations.
I have two books to write and I need to write them. Instead of putting it off, I am just going to start doing it. I have stories that need to be told and shared with many people. This blog is a great start but I want to put it in print. We can all see God doing something with the crazy things that happen to me in life and I want to share that with the world...well I already do that don't I?
So here is to making 37 the working year, working for these goals, working with Marty and the kids toward building our future in Tennessee. Focusing on the positive and eliminating the negative.
Thanks to everyone who has been helping me through the past month and letting me lean on them while I have been working it out. We all fall down sometimes and with the help of our friends we get up again! Here is to a great year.
One reason I write the birthday blog series is because I believe in the power of building others up and lifting others up. I love my friends and family, I want the world to know the wonderful people in my life and share them. Making people feel good and important is huge, there is so much power in kindness and treating others as you want to be treated yourself. That came back to me this morning, always so good to have it come back and remind me to keep going forward with that mission in life. My outlook is: ''This life is not about me, it is about self sacrifice and serving God through loving others''
Friday, August 9, 2013
The Vault
I have this funny nickname given to me by several friends, they call me ''The Vault'' because of my listening skills and super memory. A few years ago, Elizabeth said, '' Momma, people always like to talk to you. You make them feel better.'' At the time she was eight or nine years old, it caused me to pause and think about her statement. She is right, people like to talk to me, they feel safe talking to me and I can easily lock away their secrets safely.
Being a talker, you would think that I couldn't be a good listener. The thing is, I like talking about someone else other than myself all the time. Listening is a skill that causes me to look outside of myself and pause for a moment. It really is a skill that is important in life, far more important than talking all of the time.
Once people found out that I am the vault, they have tried to pry me open and get my secrets to spill. I am lock tight and very rarely spill. My friend said the other day, ''You're like the safety depository at the bank. Lots of little boxes in the vault.'' It is one of the benefits of my crazy memory that serves others well.
Some have asked if it gets wearing? It depends, sometimes it does get tough when someone is struggling with something really heavy. Because I am tenderhearted , I will often cry with the person and feel their pain in an empathetic way. When my friends and family are hurting, I am hurting as well. That is who I am as a person and I really don't want to change that about myself. I think that is the way it should be!
The funny thing about me being the vault...........I rarely confide in anyone myself. This year, I started realizing that I am not one to open up and share my struggles. I am a person who bears the weight of her own burdens along with the burdens of others. I am working on confiding in others and sharing some of my own burdens instead of carrying them myself.
I may be a crybaby, sob sister, tender heart but I am one tough mama. I've lived a lot of life starting at a very young age, I have been through stuff that many people would have crumbled under. This life experience, though I often wish it wasn't mine to share is something that makes me a better person and friend.
There have been a few occasions that I have failed at being the vault. One incident two years ago, a burden of a friend became public and caused me much heartache. I had tried to help the friend but the people who knew the burden wouldn't help then when things came to light, everyone was mad at me for not ratting out my friend. It led to me needing to end the friendship because I couldn't handle the fallout associated with it. Not something I do and still something that hurts my heart. I learned a valuable lesson in that case and there was more to it than I can share.
Thankfully those instances are few and far between. I pray for those burdens that I put in my vault, I don't just listen and file away. It is like having a giant rolodex of prayer requests and I love bearing those burdens in love. It is a privilege, a God given gift in my eyes and being able to bear someone else's burden is a precious treasure. Bearing one another's burdens is something the world needs to do more.
Proverbs17:17 A friend loves at all times,
and a brother is born for a time of adversity.
I heard this song as I was writing and it goes very well with my blog and thoughts on being a friend
Being a talker, you would think that I couldn't be a good listener. The thing is, I like talking about someone else other than myself all the time. Listening is a skill that causes me to look outside of myself and pause for a moment. It really is a skill that is important in life, far more important than talking all of the time.
Once people found out that I am the vault, they have tried to pry me open and get my secrets to spill. I am lock tight and very rarely spill. My friend said the other day, ''You're like the safety depository at the bank. Lots of little boxes in the vault.'' It is one of the benefits of my crazy memory that serves others well.
Some have asked if it gets wearing? It depends, sometimes it does get tough when someone is struggling with something really heavy. Because I am tenderhearted , I will often cry with the person and feel their pain in an empathetic way. When my friends and family are hurting, I am hurting as well. That is who I am as a person and I really don't want to change that about myself. I think that is the way it should be!
The funny thing about me being the vault...........I rarely confide in anyone myself. This year, I started realizing that I am not one to open up and share my struggles. I am a person who bears the weight of her own burdens along with the burdens of others. I am working on confiding in others and sharing some of my own burdens instead of carrying them myself.
I may be a crybaby, sob sister, tender heart but I am one tough mama. I've lived a lot of life starting at a very young age, I have been through stuff that many people would have crumbled under. This life experience, though I often wish it wasn't mine to share is something that makes me a better person and friend.
There have been a few occasions that I have failed at being the vault. One incident two years ago, a burden of a friend became public and caused me much heartache. I had tried to help the friend but the people who knew the burden wouldn't help then when things came to light, everyone was mad at me for not ratting out my friend. It led to me needing to end the friendship because I couldn't handle the fallout associated with it. Not something I do and still something that hurts my heart. I learned a valuable lesson in that case and there was more to it than I can share.
Thankfully those instances are few and far between. I pray for those burdens that I put in my vault, I don't just listen and file away. It is like having a giant rolodex of prayer requests and I love bearing those burdens in love. It is a privilege, a God given gift in my eyes and being able to bear someone else's burden is a precious treasure. Bearing one another's burdens is something the world needs to do more.
Proverbs17:17 A friend loves at all times,
and a brother is born for a time of adversity.
I heard this song as I was writing and it goes very well with my blog and thoughts on being a friend
Monday, May 6, 2013
"You're So Weird''
When I named this blog, I named it Just Jules for a reason; I am just Julie being Julie, I've never been one to conform to the norm. Over and over the same phrase is repeated to me, so much so its become my catch phrase, '' Julie, you're so weird!''
For a long time, I struggled to understand why I was so different? I didn't realize that all little girls didn't read books about Princess Di over books about Super Fudge. Or when most girls my age(9) were listening to Madonna and I was listening to Tears for Fears, I had no clue I was different? My after school reading material was ''The Fitzgerald's and the Kennedy's'' before I was reading Bop.
What do you mean its weird to not like baked fruit? my cousin Sarah agrees with me, baked fruit is so gross! Who wants to eat a hot, cooked apple? Not me.
To me this is all really normal, nothing out of the norm. I tend to forget that other girls who liked New Kids on the Block really and truly liked pop music. I never really was a fan of pop music outside of this one act, I was more in it for the boys per say.
Other girls in high school were shopping at Charlotte Russe, The Limited and Gap. Instead, I was out searching thrift stores for vintage clothes and wearing plaid skirts while dyeing my hair bright red. To me it was normal and fun to be different.
I always have preferred to watch old movies, read historical books over new works. I have always been told by my Dad that I was born in the wrong time. I am an old soul in so many ways. Singers and standards, musicals, punk, and the Cure make me happy
Who knew I had a weird memory skill that most others don't?
My sense of humor is warped ( some may say non existent), I have a nervous laugh, take life way to seriously and have a huge, tenderheart. I've had a strong faith ever since I was a very young girl, its something that has always been there as long as I can remember. One of my best friends calls my strong gut feelings, sixth sense my ''spidey sense'', I always listen to my gut feelings and sometimes have to share some of those with friends about things in their lives. I prefer to call it a ''the gift of discernment''
I prefer to watch pro cycling ( there is a story and reason behind that), I have a weird view on celebrity thanks to living on the other side with friends, I don't have many people on pedestals to me we are all going through this crazy life and are equals.
I homeschooled my kids for many reasons, I moved across country to help a friend, I would rather stay home with my family than go out. I think being a wife, mom, daughter, cousin and friend is the world's most important job.
To me all of those things are normal. I am so not cool and totally okay with that! Truthfully, I don't want to conform or be normal. I like being different, its is what makes me...me. I have absolutely no desire to be anyone different than me. I always am striving to be better, change and grow but not to conform to the patterns of the world.
So the next time you call me weird? Just know to me, its a badge of honor.
For a long time, I struggled to understand why I was so different? I didn't realize that all little girls didn't read books about Princess Di over books about Super Fudge. Or when most girls my age(9) were listening to Madonna and I was listening to Tears for Fears, I had no clue I was different? My after school reading material was ''The Fitzgerald's and the Kennedy's'' before I was reading Bop.
What do you mean its weird to not like baked fruit? my cousin Sarah agrees with me, baked fruit is so gross! Who wants to eat a hot, cooked apple? Not me.
To me this is all really normal, nothing out of the norm. I tend to forget that other girls who liked New Kids on the Block really and truly liked pop music. I never really was a fan of pop music outside of this one act, I was more in it for the boys per say.
Other girls in high school were shopping at Charlotte Russe, The Limited and Gap. Instead, I was out searching thrift stores for vintage clothes and wearing plaid skirts while dyeing my hair bright red. To me it was normal and fun to be different.
I always have preferred to watch old movies, read historical books over new works. I have always been told by my Dad that I was born in the wrong time. I am an old soul in so many ways. Singers and standards, musicals, punk, and the Cure make me happy
Who knew I had a weird memory skill that most others don't?
My sense of humor is warped ( some may say non existent), I have a nervous laugh, take life way to seriously and have a huge, tenderheart. I've had a strong faith ever since I was a very young girl, its something that has always been there as long as I can remember. One of my best friends calls my strong gut feelings, sixth sense my ''spidey sense'', I always listen to my gut feelings and sometimes have to share some of those with friends about things in their lives. I prefer to call it a ''the gift of discernment''
I prefer to watch pro cycling ( there is a story and reason behind that), I have a weird view on celebrity thanks to living on the other side with friends, I don't have many people on pedestals to me we are all going through this crazy life and are equals.
I homeschooled my kids for many reasons, I moved across country to help a friend, I would rather stay home with my family than go out. I think being a wife, mom, daughter, cousin and friend is the world's most important job.
To me all of those things are normal. I am so not cool and totally okay with that! Truthfully, I don't want to conform or be normal. I like being different, its is what makes me...me. I have absolutely no desire to be anyone different than me. I always am striving to be better, change and grow but not to conform to the patterns of the world.
So the next time you call me weird? Just know to me, its a badge of honor.
Sunday, April 14, 2013
The Floater
The floater floats around the room, talking to everyone gleaning little bits of conversation from here and there. Floaters notice the person in the corner, instead of walking past, the floater approaches them with confidence and ease. I am the floater.
I think it is safe to say, that I march to the beat of my own drum. When I titled my blog ''Just Jules", I meant every meaning of the saying. I am just me with no inclinations to conform to any patterns of this world, I just want to be the best me possible instead. Here's the thing, I know that I am different but I like being different!
Truthfully, it wasn't until I slammed into the adult world in my 20's that I started to realize that I was different. Socially I have tons of friends ( too many if you ask those closest to me, they have given up trying to keep up) and never thought that socially I was different.
It wasn't until I was in a small setting that I realized.........I don't like groups of friends. I am fine if you're in a group of friends, I just don't like the trying to fit into the group part. I am more happy to watch groups of friends do their thing but will never push to be a part of the group. Once in my twenties, I tried to worm my way into a group of friends with disastrous results. Actually, I think the results aside from the bad parts were good for me. I then realized, I like being the floater.
As I started to talk with my high school friends as adults, I realized that I knew far more people than others. It was then that I realized the benefits of my floating ways, I get to know more people outside the scope of a circle and broaden my horizons. Maybe at one point, I was on the outside wall but instead decided that floating around worked better than standing around?
It's not always easy being the floater, sometimes I struggle with it. Especially when I see groups planning fun gatherings or meet ups. I am never one to invite myself and would rather miss out than doing so. We always have something to work on as humans and this is one thing I should work on. I always feel like a pest or beggar when I do, I really have no desire to be either of those.
Floating has brought me much happiness, many gems have come from dancing around the room unaware of the groups within. I meet so many wonderful people that way, talking, listening and sometimes scaling the walls of people who are socially uncomfortable. I prefer one on one conversation, I don't like having to talk over others. One of my acquaintences always tells me, " you're deep water'' and that is the truth. I prefer the heavy duty conversations. My odd sense of humor isn't the norm and is often lost on others, so I prefer to stay deep, I like deep and know it well.
I truly doubt, that I will ever give up my floater ways and conform. I like being the floater even though, sometimes its hard. Really, I like doing my own thing which is often doing things with Marty and the kids instead of trying to do things with others. That's another blog for another day......
If you want to find me, I will be the one flitting and floating around. I am always easy to find!
I think it is safe to say, that I march to the beat of my own drum. When I titled my blog ''Just Jules", I meant every meaning of the saying. I am just me with no inclinations to conform to any patterns of this world, I just want to be the best me possible instead. Here's the thing, I know that I am different but I like being different!
Truthfully, it wasn't until I slammed into the adult world in my 20's that I started to realize that I was different. Socially I have tons of friends ( too many if you ask those closest to me, they have given up trying to keep up) and never thought that socially I was different.
It wasn't until I was in a small setting that I realized.........I don't like groups of friends. I am fine if you're in a group of friends, I just don't like the trying to fit into the group part. I am more happy to watch groups of friends do their thing but will never push to be a part of the group. Once in my twenties, I tried to worm my way into a group of friends with disastrous results. Actually, I think the results aside from the bad parts were good for me. I then realized, I like being the floater.
As I started to talk with my high school friends as adults, I realized that I knew far more people than others. It was then that I realized the benefits of my floating ways, I get to know more people outside the scope of a circle and broaden my horizons. Maybe at one point, I was on the outside wall but instead decided that floating around worked better than standing around?
It's not always easy being the floater, sometimes I struggle with it. Especially when I see groups planning fun gatherings or meet ups. I am never one to invite myself and would rather miss out than doing so. We always have something to work on as humans and this is one thing I should work on. I always feel like a pest or beggar when I do, I really have no desire to be either of those.
Floating has brought me much happiness, many gems have come from dancing around the room unaware of the groups within. I meet so many wonderful people that way, talking, listening and sometimes scaling the walls of people who are socially uncomfortable. I prefer one on one conversation, I don't like having to talk over others. One of my acquaintences always tells me, " you're deep water'' and that is the truth. I prefer the heavy duty conversations. My odd sense of humor isn't the norm and is often lost on others, so I prefer to stay deep, I like deep and know it well.
I truly doubt, that I will ever give up my floater ways and conform. I like being the floater even though, sometimes its hard. Really, I like doing my own thing which is often doing things with Marty and the kids instead of trying to do things with others. That's another blog for another day......
If you want to find me, I will be the one flitting and floating around. I am always easy to find!
Friday, March 29, 2013
Confessions of a Messy Moose
I was a naughty, busy little girl, who was extremely curious and mischievous In addition to those traits, I was extremely uncoordinated and clumsy. I ran into walls, fell and got hurt constantly....and we aren't talking your regular scrapes and bruises, we are talking gashes and stitches. This prompted my parents to start calling me "Messy Moose",( I was messy too, really messy) for most of my childhood.
My first accident was jumping on my parents waterbed at 18 months old, that led to stitches in my forehead. You can still see the scar when I laugh or make certain faces. Then there was the night at dinner, when I was sitting at my little wooden table next to the big table. I was pushing my chair back on the legs while eating and fell backwards, the issue was I had the fork in my mouth and stabbed myself in the back of the throat. I still remember my mom putting a towel to my face as blood came running out.
I put my cat in the refrigerator( they kept hearing him meow, I finally told them " I put him in the fwidgerator'') he never liked me again? I was only two, not sure what possessed me. I bit my sister when she came home from the hospital, I stole her bottle. I was a bad seed, a very bad seed.
There was also my childhood drinking problem, my Dad thought my mom was drinking wine all day and she kept denying it. Then they finally found me with the door pulled just so sitting on the bottom shelf drinking wine. Oh and did I mention the I had my first hangover at three, I guess that at my aunt's wedding, I went around picking up drinks off the tables. I told my mom the next day, ''Mommy, I have a fuzzy head." No wonder that I have never liked to drink, I cured myself of that.
Then I moved on to the harder stuff. One sunny Saturday morning, my parents were mowing the lawn and I was playing on the lawn. I thought the gasoline for the mower was lemonade and drank it, my Dad turned around just in time to see it. I don't remember getting my stomach pumped, I do remember Bernie giving me an Ernie doll after my hospital visit. Sadly, I didn't learn my lesson and drank kerosene from a little glass mouse oil burner months later. My parents always say, back then if CPS had been around, they would have been in big trouble.
I was a bit like Elmyra from Tiny Toons, I loved my animals sometimes too much. I accidently loved my guinea pig too hard and he died. I love the cat mentioned above, not sure why I did what I did. I loved my parakeet Duke, I thought giving him salted sunflower seeds would be a treat? I guess not.
They kept having my eyes tested and knew something wasn't quite right. Finally in elementary school they found out that I had under developed motor skills because I never crawled as a baby. I skipped the crawling and just walked. So I had to have therapy for under-defined motor skills during my elementary school years.....I was special indeed.
I have recently been asked about a picture that I included in my cousin Andy's birthday blog. It is a picture of me watching Andy blow out his candles with a head bandage on.
My first accident was jumping on my parents waterbed at 18 months old, that led to stitches in my forehead. You can still see the scar when I laugh or make certain faces. Then there was the night at dinner, when I was sitting at my little wooden table next to the big table. I was pushing my chair back on the legs while eating and fell backwards, the issue was I had the fork in my mouth and stabbed myself in the back of the throat. I still remember my mom putting a towel to my face as blood came running out.
I put my cat in the refrigerator( they kept hearing him meow, I finally told them " I put him in the fwidgerator'') he never liked me again? I was only two, not sure what possessed me. I bit my sister when she came home from the hospital, I stole her bottle. I was a bad seed, a very bad seed.
There was also my childhood drinking problem, my Dad thought my mom was drinking wine all day and she kept denying it. Then they finally found me with the door pulled just so sitting on the bottom shelf drinking wine. Oh and did I mention the I had my first hangover at three, I guess that at my aunt's wedding, I went around picking up drinks off the tables. I told my mom the next day, ''Mommy, I have a fuzzy head." No wonder that I have never liked to drink, I cured myself of that.
Then I moved on to the harder stuff. One sunny Saturday morning, my parents were mowing the lawn and I was playing on the lawn. I thought the gasoline for the mower was lemonade and drank it, my Dad turned around just in time to see it. I don't remember getting my stomach pumped, I do remember Bernie giving me an Ernie doll after my hospital visit. Sadly, I didn't learn my lesson and drank kerosene from a little glass mouse oil burner months later. My parents always say, back then if CPS had been around, they would have been in big trouble.
I was a bit like Elmyra from Tiny Toons, I loved my animals sometimes too much. I accidently loved my guinea pig too hard and he died. I love the cat mentioned above, not sure why I did what I did. I loved my parakeet Duke, I thought giving him salted sunflower seeds would be a treat? I guess not.
They kept having my eyes tested and knew something wasn't quite right. Finally in elementary school they found out that I had under developed motor skills because I never crawled as a baby. I skipped the crawling and just walked. So I had to have therapy for under-defined motor skills during my elementary school years.....I was special indeed.
I have recently been asked about a picture that I included in my cousin Andy's birthday blog. It is a picture of me watching Andy blow out his candles with a head bandage on.
Well, there is a story and of course it involves me being clutzy. I had my childhood friend Christena over to visit one day after school, this was a big deal since my parents worked and I rarely got to bring friends home. We had just finished watching our favorite movie "Nadia" when my friend called us to come outside. I was running down the hallway to the staircase and tripped....putting my head through the wrought iron banister. My head was stuck and I had to have it pulled out of the bars.
I split my lip in two and had a huge goose egg. The hospital said everything was fine, stitched my lip and sent me home. After my stitches were removed, they realized my head was still swollen and discovered a hematoma. I had cracked my skull and had bruising between my skull and skin. My sisters never ate grape jelly again because they watched them cut my head open to remove the hematoma! My head is still misshapen in that area.
It's a wonder that my parents survived my childhood! Mainly after that incident the worst I did was sprain my ankle yearly in my tween and teen years. Well, there was the one time when I jumped from a moving car and got pretty skinned up. I was mainly messy in those years, always spilling something on my clothes and the like.
I am still not graceful by any means but I don't get hurt often any longer. I am very neat however, I really detest messes and like order. People wonder where Conner got his curiosity and I always tell them it was my payback. My poor parents, I totally understand, I totally understand.
A/N After publishing this blog, many stories have been left out. My childhood friend Christena mentioned one in a comment on FB. In memory of her grandma Ilene, I must share:
Ilene was my babysitter one year in elementary school. After school one day, Christena and I were in the kitchen. Her neighbor Lonnie called from his house for us to meet him at the bottom of Christena's backyard which was an orchard. I got so excited, that in my excitement I grabbed a whole bottle of dish soap and poured it in my hair. I needed to wash my hair before we saw Lonnie, or so I thought. Her grandma Ilene was so angry, it took her all afternoon to get the soap out of my very long, thick hair. Christena has NEVER let me forget this story. I laugh so hard thinking about it still to this day.
Sunday, November 18, 2012
The B and F Driving School
On Wednesday when it was Conner's birthday, my Aunt left a comment on his Facebook profile that made me laugh. She told Conner he was getting old enough to drive and needed to come to her special driving school. It made me crack up hysterically fueling the idea this story needed to be told. It also goes hand in hand with complaints from my Dad about the way I drive when he rides with me.
One Saturday when I was thirteen years old, my aunt Maggie and I were out for a drive in her red Ford Blazer. We had many fun times in that car and she drove us girls all over in that car. This particular Saturday she drove me to York field parking lot and told me she was going to teach me how to drive. Maggie is only 11 years older than I am and was in her early twenties. She told me not to tell my parents and I loved it. She taught me how to park, start the car, reverse and everything. We did this many Saturday mornings for a long time. Nobody ever knew and it was a fun secret to have.
Later my cousins and sister joined in on the fun all while our parents remained in the dark. Not sure how old the other girls were when it became their turn to learn. Maggie was the coolest aunt ever in our eyes!
One day, my Mom and I were grocery shopping and she became very ill in the store. She nearly passed out and wondered how would we get home? I calmly smiled and said, "Don't worry Mom, I know how to drive! I can drive us home!" Imagine the look of shock on her face ( I am laughing hysterically just typing this out.) that her 13 and a half year old knew how to drive. It was two blocks and I got us home safely. There was a long conversation about how Aunt Maggie had been secretly teaching me to drive. My mom was thankful in that moment.
I think our driving school stopped after that until I was old enough to drive. I don't think my parents were amused by this news at first! I really don't know since I missed out on those conversations.
A few years later, I was sixteen and babysitting regularly for our friends the Fitz's every weekend. Mr.Fitz decided that I needed to learn to drive stick shift to drive their cars. So Saturday mornings on the way home from my Friday night sitting gig, he would take me out driving. I remember many frustrating times at stoplights where I would stall out when the light turned green. I also remember one time girls driving by and laughing at me as I jerked the car up a hilly intersection.
It was during this time that I picked up a driving habit of Jim's. His wife Jen once told me that Jim never liked to go the same way twice into their neighborhood and often took "short cuts". To this day, I always have a particular way of going certain places. It drives my Dad insane and he always says "Why can't you drive in a straight line!!"
My answer, "Please forward all complaints to the instructor at Fitzpatrick school of driving please" while I smile and laugh.
I truthfully think my Dad and Mom owe Jim and Maggie a great thanks. They never had to suffer through the task of teaching me how to drive. I also have never caused or been in one accident since driving at the tender age of thirteen. I am a excellent driver! I went on to teach Marty and others to drive stick and am so thankful to have learned to drive stick.
I am also grateful for the funny memories that make me smile and laugh. I was driving with my Dad tonight and he was complaining about my driving and I just smiled while mentally writing this blog in my head.
Thanks Mags and Jim!
P.S. Maggie and I have children close in age. My cousins were threatened within a inch of their life to NOT teach her daughter Alex how to drive without her permission.
One Saturday when I was thirteen years old, my aunt Maggie and I were out for a drive in her red Ford Blazer. We had many fun times in that car and she drove us girls all over in that car. This particular Saturday she drove me to York field parking lot and told me she was going to teach me how to drive. Maggie is only 11 years older than I am and was in her early twenties. She told me not to tell my parents and I loved it. She taught me how to park, start the car, reverse and everything. We did this many Saturday mornings for a long time. Nobody ever knew and it was a fun secret to have.
Later my cousins and sister joined in on the fun all while our parents remained in the dark. Not sure how old the other girls were when it became their turn to learn. Maggie was the coolest aunt ever in our eyes!
One day, my Mom and I were grocery shopping and she became very ill in the store. She nearly passed out and wondered how would we get home? I calmly smiled and said, "Don't worry Mom, I know how to drive! I can drive us home!" Imagine the look of shock on her face ( I am laughing hysterically just typing this out.) that her 13 and a half year old knew how to drive. It was two blocks and I got us home safely. There was a long conversation about how Aunt Maggie had been secretly teaching me to drive. My mom was thankful in that moment.
I think our driving school stopped after that until I was old enough to drive. I don't think my parents were amused by this news at first! I really don't know since I missed out on those conversations.
A few years later, I was sixteen and babysitting regularly for our friends the Fitz's every weekend. Mr.Fitz decided that I needed to learn to drive stick shift to drive their cars. So Saturday mornings on the way home from my Friday night sitting gig, he would take me out driving. I remember many frustrating times at stoplights where I would stall out when the light turned green. I also remember one time girls driving by and laughing at me as I jerked the car up a hilly intersection.
It was during this time that I picked up a driving habit of Jim's. His wife Jen once told me that Jim never liked to go the same way twice into their neighborhood and often took "short cuts". To this day, I always have a particular way of going certain places. It drives my Dad insane and he always says "Why can't you drive in a straight line!!"
My answer, "Please forward all complaints to the instructor at Fitzpatrick school of driving please" while I smile and laugh.
I truthfully think my Dad and Mom owe Jim and Maggie a great thanks. They never had to suffer through the task of teaching me how to drive. I also have never caused or been in one accident since driving at the tender age of thirteen. I am a excellent driver! I went on to teach Marty and others to drive stick and am so thankful to have learned to drive stick.
I am also grateful for the funny memories that make me smile and laugh. I was driving with my Dad tonight and he was complaining about my driving and I just smiled while mentally writing this blog in my head.
Thanks Mags and Jim!
P.S. Maggie and I have children close in age. My cousins were threatened within a inch of their life to NOT teach her daughter Alex how to drive without her permission.
Tuesday, July 31, 2012
I used to think I was fat, then one day I was....
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| 127 lbs graduating high school. My skinny days |
I graduated, started working odd hours at Disneyland. 3 am trips to Denny's after work didn't help matters and I stopped exercising. I started slowly but surely gaining weight and suddenly realized, I had been thin.
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| The Disneyland days. Marty and I's engagement picture |
I got married, had Conner a year and half later and became a busy working wife and mom. My Grandmothers were women who put their families ahead of themselves and that was something I learned from them. I remember Grandma telling me "It's not about you anymore" once I had Conner.
Growing up, everyone in my family struggled with weight issues. My grandma's both were of short stature like myself and constantly battled when they were my age. My aunts and parents struggled with weight at one time or another.
Also facing chronic illness on both sides of the family, I am working hard to prevent heart disease, auto immune disorders and kidney failure. My family health history isn't pretty for the most part and I have a lot to battle in that department.
When I moved to Visalia, I weighed 202 lbs. I worked hard to lose fifty lbs and kept it off for three years. Then my Gramie died and I started gaining it back. Then several life changing events in the next three years caused stress and I just kept gaining.
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| Pregnant with Elizabeth, I managed to keep my first weight loss off |
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| My heaviest ever. I saw this picture and it really motivated me to lose weight |
Last year I met several people online who had completed major weight losses of their own. It inspired me to start my own weight loss journey. I set several benchmark goals for myself and so far I've met every one of them by the time allotted.
My first goal was several five lb weight loss goals. Then my second goal was to be under 200 lbs by Olympic swim trials which I met. Then my third goal was to have hit 50lbs lost by the time of the Olympics. I am ten lbs away from that goal and think I can do it.
It's not about looking good or being "thin" . I am blessed to have a husband who loves me no matter what size I am. It's just about feeling good, being healthy and taking care of myself. For the first time in nearly 15 years, I am doing something just for myself.
So far, the proof has been in the mirror. I have been able to see myself getting thinner, Marty and the kids have been so encouraging. I am not only doing this for myself but for them. I hope to teach my kids healthy eating and being active is important.
I have more energy, I am not tired and sore like I was before. I feel great and look forward to feeling even better. My new overall goal is to lose fifty more lbs for a 100 lb overall weight loss. After I hit my fifty lb goal my next goal is 70lbs lost by January 2013. Then 30 lbs by April 2013 which will put me at the 100 lb mark.
When I hit that goal, I intend to enjoy being that weight and not for once think of myself as fat. I learned that lesson the hard way. Being heavier, I never hated myself or felt badly, I just learned that I didn't have good body image before and vowed to never think that way about myself again. So the mental issue has been overcome for a long time, now to overcome the weight issue. I am well on my way.
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| Last August |
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| One day the kids noticed that my face was thinner than in the picture above. It was so exciting! |
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| My friend Andrea came to visit last year. One year later and I could really see the results of my hard work |
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| Finally happy with what I am starting to see in the mirror. 40lbs lighter |
Friday, June 8, 2012
The Secret Mothers' Club
It's a club no mother wants to belong to but many do in secret silence. It's not spoken of, most people don't know and nobody remembers except the mother and a few people. A mother never forgets and never stops thinking "What if?" and "How come?"
In June of 1999, I became a member of this secret society. We moved to Visalia in January of 1999 to start a new chapter in our lives. We both were unemployed and looking for work when I got pregnant unexpectedly. We were scared, excited and nervous all at the same time. We hadn't really talked about having more kids at that point, Conner was only 16 months old and quite a handful already.
My sister Kim had also gotten pregnant, making it twice in a row we were pregnant at the same time. She was so upset that I was pregnant again also. She thought I was trying to steal her spotlight once again. This wasn't the case at all.
We were excited to have another baby. We told our family and friends. I immediately was sick like I was with Conner and all the normal signs of pregnancy. As three months approached, that sickness started to go away. I thought "Wow, it really does go away! People weren't lying" since I had been sick the entire nine months including post delivery with Conner.
One afternoon, I was getting ready to go to work at my fairly new job. It was June, I was twelve weeks pregnant and feeling pretty good. I noticed that I had some light bleeding and thought it was odd. I had never spotted with Conner but knew that was normal for some pregnancies. So I went to work anxious but trying to not worry. I was working and things started getting worse, I started bleeding quite heavily and knew something was wrong.
I was sent home and Marty took me to the E.R. where we waited. They came in and listened for a heartbeat which couldn't be found. I was twelve weeks and so that maybe meant nothing. They did a exam and told me, " Your cervix is closed. So this could go either way" and sent me home.
The next morning I went to the Ob Gyn, still unsure of what was really happening. There they told me I was indeed having a miscarriage and I would lose the baby. I won't tell you what my sister said to me when they told me that. Really a painful memory and moment in my life.
I never saw my baby, I never even had a ultrasound picture to look at. This was back in the day you had to wait until twenty weeks to have a ultrasound. I don't have any reminders that our baby lived except my memories.
I knew it happened, I never thought it would happen to me. I remember calling my boss Jodi since she had miscarried several times. Her pain had never made sense to me until that moment and we suddenly shared a silent bond. People came out of the woodwork to share their stories and I found out that so many people silently share this pain.
This is one of those memories that I have really tucked away. I don't remember the exact date it happened which with my special memory tells you something. I know it happened in June and with a lot of prayer and support God carried me through. I do never forget that our baby was due January 1, 2000 and would be twelve years old now.
Two months later, I got pregnant with Elizabeth. We wanted another baby and were so anxious the entire time I was pregnant with her. We truly enjoyed each moment of that pregnancy and were so overjoyed when she was born. We truly knew how precious life was and that it could slip away in a instant.
Five years later, my friend Yvonne had a miscarriage. When she did, I truly for the very first time grieved my own loss along with hers. We bonded over our loss during a perinatal grief training class at work. I never fully understood perinatal loss until taking that class.
It's a silent grief that is often hidden, it is a grief that has no grave or marker to remind in many cases. A very dear friend of mine and blog reader lost a baby this year and became part of the club. Her loss and our conversations about my own loss prompted me to write this blog. I mentioned this blog as part of my blogging plans for this month to Marty. He simply said, " I have never forgotten." as I ran the idea by him. A reminder that even Dad's are a part of this secret club that nobody wants to belong to.
I thought it would be a good way to remember baby Dorie, a name I had always planned on naming my daughter. We actually had never named the baby but recently when I mentioned C and E to someone, they asked "What happened to D?" jokingly, not knowing. I decided that Dorie would be the name of our middle child since I had named Elizabeth after my grandmother and not used the name.
I never saw my baby, I never held my baby but I never forget my baby.
Just a way for me to remember even though I often chose to forget because it is too painful to remember. A way to have a marker of sorts for baby D and to share the life that was short. I know someday, I will see my baby for the first time. Until then, I remember and wait along with countless other mothers who are in this silent society that none of us wanted to join.
Baby Dorie
March 1999- June 1999
In June of 1999, I became a member of this secret society. We moved to Visalia in January of 1999 to start a new chapter in our lives. We both were unemployed and looking for work when I got pregnant unexpectedly. We were scared, excited and nervous all at the same time. We hadn't really talked about having more kids at that point, Conner was only 16 months old and quite a handful already.
My sister Kim had also gotten pregnant, making it twice in a row we were pregnant at the same time. She was so upset that I was pregnant again also. She thought I was trying to steal her spotlight once again. This wasn't the case at all.
We were excited to have another baby. We told our family and friends. I immediately was sick like I was with Conner and all the normal signs of pregnancy. As three months approached, that sickness started to go away. I thought "Wow, it really does go away! People weren't lying" since I had been sick the entire nine months including post delivery with Conner.
One afternoon, I was getting ready to go to work at my fairly new job. It was June, I was twelve weeks pregnant and feeling pretty good. I noticed that I had some light bleeding and thought it was odd. I had never spotted with Conner but knew that was normal for some pregnancies. So I went to work anxious but trying to not worry. I was working and things started getting worse, I started bleeding quite heavily and knew something was wrong.
I was sent home and Marty took me to the E.R. where we waited. They came in and listened for a heartbeat which couldn't be found. I was twelve weeks and so that maybe meant nothing. They did a exam and told me, " Your cervix is closed. So this could go either way" and sent me home.
The next morning I went to the Ob Gyn, still unsure of what was really happening. There they told me I was indeed having a miscarriage and I would lose the baby. I won't tell you what my sister said to me when they told me that. Really a painful memory and moment in my life.
I never saw my baby, I never even had a ultrasound picture to look at. This was back in the day you had to wait until twenty weeks to have a ultrasound. I don't have any reminders that our baby lived except my memories.
I knew it happened, I never thought it would happen to me. I remember calling my boss Jodi since she had miscarried several times. Her pain had never made sense to me until that moment and we suddenly shared a silent bond. People came out of the woodwork to share their stories and I found out that so many people silently share this pain.
This is one of those memories that I have really tucked away. I don't remember the exact date it happened which with my special memory tells you something. I know it happened in June and with a lot of prayer and support God carried me through. I do never forget that our baby was due January 1, 2000 and would be twelve years old now.
Two months later, I got pregnant with Elizabeth. We wanted another baby and were so anxious the entire time I was pregnant with her. We truly enjoyed each moment of that pregnancy and were so overjoyed when she was born. We truly knew how precious life was and that it could slip away in a instant.
Five years later, my friend Yvonne had a miscarriage. When she did, I truly for the very first time grieved my own loss along with hers. We bonded over our loss during a perinatal grief training class at work. I never fully understood perinatal loss until taking that class.
It's a silent grief that is often hidden, it is a grief that has no grave or marker to remind in many cases. A very dear friend of mine and blog reader lost a baby this year and became part of the club. Her loss and our conversations about my own loss prompted me to write this blog. I mentioned this blog as part of my blogging plans for this month to Marty. He simply said, " I have never forgotten." as I ran the idea by him. A reminder that even Dad's are a part of this secret club that nobody wants to belong to.
I thought it would be a good way to remember baby Dorie, a name I had always planned on naming my daughter. We actually had never named the baby but recently when I mentioned C and E to someone, they asked "What happened to D?" jokingly, not knowing. I decided that Dorie would be the name of our middle child since I had named Elizabeth after my grandmother and not used the name.
I never saw my baby, I never held my baby but I never forget my baby.
Just a way for me to remember even though I often chose to forget because it is too painful to remember. A way to have a marker of sorts for baby D and to share the life that was short. I know someday, I will see my baby for the first time. Until then, I remember and wait along with countless other mothers who are in this silent society that none of us wanted to join.
Baby Dorie
March 1999- June 1999
Sunday, May 6, 2012
Gramie's Dishes
"Gramie, when you die can I have your dishes?" she blinked hard at my question and said, "Sure you can. I will make sure they are yours." and that was that. There was something I loved about those simple green and white dishes with baby strawberries covering the center of the plate. They weren't anything fancy; just simple everyday dishes that she served us breakfast, lunch and sometimes dinner on. My Gramie was a good cook always making something tasty. It was her one true great skill in life and she used it well.
Gramie died nine years ago and my dishes never came. At first my uncle didn't allow anyone to take anything from the house. Then I guess they somehow made their way to my sister Kim for her to "borrow". Last week my mom asked me if I was ready for them? Um, I've been waiting almost thirty years for this day!
So today the dishes came to live with me. Things do always have a way of finding their rightful owner in the end. I took each piece out of its wrapping and washed them as I put them away. Now they will be the dishes I serve my kids breakfast on in the mornings. Just knowing they are here now makes my heart happy. I know Grams would be happy to know they finally are sitting in my cupboard and her promise to me was fufilled.
Monday, April 9, 2012
The Easter Weekend Blessing
A few weeks ago, sister of the heart Andrea told me she needed me. She was racing her second half marathon in a the span of two months and wanted me to come watch. I immediately told her no because I had no plans to travel to So.Cal and it was Easter weekend. Then I remembered back to several occasions over the past few years where I desperately wanted to come to things she invited me to and couldn't because of Marty's health. During that time Marty had promised us both that when the next occasion arose and he was well, I could go. Little did I know what blessings would await because she asked me to do this. In the end, I was the one blessed by this trip.
I messaged her back later and told her, "Okay, I am coming" and called my family to tell them I would be there for Easter. It was a tough decision because this is most likely our last Easter in California and at our church. So I was waffling for that reason alone. Last weekend as I raced my triathlon, I realized how nice it would be to have a friend at the finish cheering me on. If I hadn't run the tri, I may have thought about doing the race with her.
Fast forward, After watching my friend Heidi's son on Friday, we left town at 5:30 and got there at 10pm. I quickly tried to get to sleep for my three a.m. wake up call. I arrived at Andrea's house at 4 a.m. and found a very nervous Andrea. Immediately the effort was worth it. Seeing her cross the finish line was truly a wonderful moment, probably the best ever in our friendship. As we drove home, a joy came over my heart and I thought, "This is what true sisterhood is like. These are the kinds of things sisters do together." then I got to go spend some time with her family at her house. It was truly a blessed day, a day that made my heart full of joy. Later as I ate a late lunch with Marty, I told him, " I am so glad I came. I am the one who ended up blessed. My heart is overfilled because I got to have a day with my sister. Something that is special and just for us." I had also gotten to spend time with my SoH Heather earlier in the week at the park. So I was feeling very renewed and refreshed already, so twice in one week was icing on the cake.
I stopped by my high school friend Jenni's house to see her and her Mom Irma. Irma recently had a heart attack and I wanted to see them both. It was nice to catch up and see another sister of the heart.
Later that night, I went to my cousin Marissa's house for a BBQ. Rissa recently became a mom and this was the first time I was able to see her baby Drew. What a wonderful moment to sit and hold my cousin's baby. I held her for close to two hours straight, just looking her over and snuggling. My cousin's are my first sisters of the heart, they are my lifelong best friends and everyone knows they mean the world to me. I was able to spend time with family and catch up. Doubly blessed!
I had made plans with my Mom to go watch cycling and have breakfast on Easter morning at the crack of dawn. That way we could have a few hours together before my other family had their celebration. We sat ate a wonderful breakfast and watched cycling. I had forgotten that my ex-brother in law lives with my mom and that my nephew Blake may be there. So when Blake emerged from the bedroom and did a double take at me, my heart just burst. He ran up to me, climbed on my lap, put his head on my shoulder and was crying. We were both so overjoyed to see each other and I was crying too. I sat and rubbed his back as he told me he loved and missed me. It's the kind of moment you want to remember forever. So special and moving, I really can't describe the emotion. I told him the story about his birth and how I asked God to let him be born on my anniversary. It was fun to share that with him and not have to wonder anymore if he even knew who I am?
Later in the day, I got to go spend time with my cousins, aunts and uncles at my Aunt Maggie's house. We played games and laughed together. It was a beautiful weekend and such a amazing blessing for me. I am grateful to Andrea for asking me, little did she know the impact it would have. I am grateful to Marty for enduring running around all weekend non stop.
I often feel a deep sense of shame about my relationships with my blood sisters. It's a deep hurt that I carry and work very hard to overcome. It's something I have no control over and that will more than likely never change. Something I talked at length about on the car ride home from Saturday's race when Andrea asked if I would see my real sisters. I even had mentioned how it hurt I never got to see my nieces and nephews. I may not be able to change things but God has blessed me beyond measure and shown me reality. I am so blessed and have more sisters of the heart who are my real sisters. What a joy to experience that this weekend. I came home so uplifted and overjoyed, its a amazing feeling.
I messaged her back later and told her, "Okay, I am coming" and called my family to tell them I would be there for Easter. It was a tough decision because this is most likely our last Easter in California and at our church. So I was waffling for that reason alone. Last weekend as I raced my triathlon, I realized how nice it would be to have a friend at the finish cheering me on. If I hadn't run the tri, I may have thought about doing the race with her.
Fast forward, After watching my friend Heidi's son on Friday, we left town at 5:30 and got there at 10pm. I quickly tried to get to sleep for my three a.m. wake up call. I arrived at Andrea's house at 4 a.m. and found a very nervous Andrea. Immediately the effort was worth it. Seeing her cross the finish line was truly a wonderful moment, probably the best ever in our friendship. As we drove home, a joy came over my heart and I thought, "This is what true sisterhood is like. These are the kinds of things sisters do together." then I got to go spend some time with her family at her house. It was truly a blessed day, a day that made my heart full of joy. Later as I ate a late lunch with Marty, I told him, " I am so glad I came. I am the one who ended up blessed. My heart is overfilled because I got to have a day with my sister. Something that is special and just for us." I had also gotten to spend time with my SoH Heather earlier in the week at the park. So I was feeling very renewed and refreshed already, so twice in one week was icing on the cake.
I stopped by my high school friend Jenni's house to see her and her Mom Irma. Irma recently had a heart attack and I wanted to see them both. It was nice to catch up and see another sister of the heart.
Later that night, I went to my cousin Marissa's house for a BBQ. Rissa recently became a mom and this was the first time I was able to see her baby Drew. What a wonderful moment to sit and hold my cousin's baby. I held her for close to two hours straight, just looking her over and snuggling. My cousin's are my first sisters of the heart, they are my lifelong best friends and everyone knows they mean the world to me. I was able to spend time with family and catch up. Doubly blessed!
I had made plans with my Mom to go watch cycling and have breakfast on Easter morning at the crack of dawn. That way we could have a few hours together before my other family had their celebration. We sat ate a wonderful breakfast and watched cycling. I had forgotten that my ex-brother in law lives with my mom and that my nephew Blake may be there. So when Blake emerged from the bedroom and did a double take at me, my heart just burst. He ran up to me, climbed on my lap, put his head on my shoulder and was crying. We were both so overjoyed to see each other and I was crying too. I sat and rubbed his back as he told me he loved and missed me. It's the kind of moment you want to remember forever. So special and moving, I really can't describe the emotion. I told him the story about his birth and how I asked God to let him be born on my anniversary. It was fun to share that with him and not have to wonder anymore if he even knew who I am?
Later in the day, I got to go spend time with my cousins, aunts and uncles at my Aunt Maggie's house. We played games and laughed together. It was a beautiful weekend and such a amazing blessing for me. I am grateful to Andrea for asking me, little did she know the impact it would have. I am grateful to Marty for enduring running around all weekend non stop.
I often feel a deep sense of shame about my relationships with my blood sisters. It's a deep hurt that I carry and work very hard to overcome. It's something I have no control over and that will more than likely never change. Something I talked at length about on the car ride home from Saturday's race when Andrea asked if I would see my real sisters. I even had mentioned how it hurt I never got to see my nieces and nephews. I may not be able to change things but God has blessed me beyond measure and shown me reality. I am so blessed and have more sisters of the heart who are my real sisters. What a joy to experience that this weekend. I came home so uplifted and overjoyed, its a amazing feeling.
Saturday, March 31, 2012
My First Triathlon
When I started swimming again a few months ago, I set a goal to do a triathlon this year. Our local triathlon was schedule for today and I thought, "Why not?" and started working hard training. I choose a sprint distance or baby tri as I call it. 1/4 mile swim, 9 mile ride and two mile run. I swim and ride that far on a regular basis, really the run was my major concern.
The day came all too quickly. This morning as the alarm went off, my first thought was " Am I really doing this? What was I thinking?" and since my bag was packed and the bike was loaded in the truck, I decided there was no turning back.
Of course, I got there and saw all the seasoned triathletes and that brought my thinking to "I am going to embarrass myself, please God let me not embarrass myself!" I set out my transition area, which my friend Julie had well prepared me for and started stretching.
I had to ask around for swim times to decide which lane to get in. I went with the time I had recently swam at practice. Unfortunately, I got in a lane that was too slow for me and had to keep passing women which interrupted my swim. The swim was a cake walk other than that. 400 yds is my daily warm up, so it felt fast.
I ran out and quickly changed into my riding and running outfit. I had decided against buying a tri suit for my first time out. I regret this decision now but know for next time. My transition was smooth ( thanks again Julie) and I headed out on the bike. I just couldn't get comfortable in the saddle and never found a good pace. I ride this distance normally but never have ridden that route. Once again, something I know now for the future. At the end of the ride, I began to realize, I was one of the last riders out on the road, if not the last.
I rolled in and put my bike away, tightened my shoes and ran off. Immediately, I got a stitch in my side and running was difficult. I was warned by my twitter friend Kim about this and so I pushed through. On the second mile, I found my stride and by the last 1/2 mile I got the runner's high and my feet just kept going. I really thought I was dead last, seemed like everyone was ahead of me. I was trying to catch a lady in front of me and that kept me motivated.
As I swam and rode today, I went down my prayer list and prayed for so many friends. Friends with cancer, Friends with chronic conditions, a friend speaking at a memorial service, friends struggling with worry, Patrick who recently had a heart transplant and is in serious condition, and the last leg, I thought about Janet and how the whole world is watching her comeback. So what if I finished last? I didn't know anyone there besides Marty and the kids and they were proud. Plus, I recieved hundreds of comments on Twitter and Facebook cheering me on, I am loved and supported by many. I could feel that carrying me through. I literally cried reading all of the messages of support.
I finished in two hours, this was the time I figured it would take me. I was hoping for 1:45 but it didn't happen. I finished and I wasn't last! The best thing was Conner and Elizabeth were waiting at the finish and ran to hug me the moment I crossed the line. Marty was waiting with my bike and gave me a huge hug. That was the only thing I needed.
Elizabeth bravely did her first tri last year and inspired me to do my own. Conner is my bike mechanic and had my bike in tip top shape. They train with me and keep me company on the journey. So it was only fitting they were at the line. Marty too, he has put up with me running off to swim every evening and he pays for my adventures to boot!
I am tired and slightly sore. I took a fabulous nap this afternoon and a lot of the soreness went away. I got a massage after the race and that helped a lot.
Thanks to my friends Lei, Ronda and Darci for being my virtual workout buddies. These Momma's are so encouraging and supportive. Thanks to Mike, Lisa, and Andrea for the running inspiration and encouragement. Thanks to Julie and Kim for all of the tri advice and encouragement. Also my Twitter besties Kristi and Melinda, they always are encouraging me every morning and evening at workout time.
I definitely am hooked and will maybe do one again. First I have to help E train for her next Tri in June. Feels great to have accomplished something. I am proud of myself.
The day came all too quickly. This morning as the alarm went off, my first thought was " Am I really doing this? What was I thinking?" and since my bag was packed and the bike was loaded in the truck, I decided there was no turning back.
Of course, I got there and saw all the seasoned triathletes and that brought my thinking to "I am going to embarrass myself, please God let me not embarrass myself!" I set out my transition area, which my friend Julie had well prepared me for and started stretching.
 |
| No turning back now! |
 |
| It was a beautiful morning. A huge storm rolled in after the race. |
I had to ask around for swim times to decide which lane to get in. I went with the time I had recently swam at practice. Unfortunately, I got in a lane that was too slow for me and had to keep passing women which interrupted my swim. The swim was a cake walk other than that. 400 yds is my daily warm up, so it felt fast.
I ran out and quickly changed into my riding and running outfit. I had decided against buying a tri suit for my first time out. I regret this decision now but know for next time. My transition was smooth ( thanks again Julie) and I headed out on the bike. I just couldn't get comfortable in the saddle and never found a good pace. I ride this distance normally but never have ridden that route. Once again, something I know now for the future. At the end of the ride, I began to realize, I was one of the last riders out on the road, if not the last.
I rolled in and put my bike away, tightened my shoes and ran off. Immediately, I got a stitch in my side and running was difficult. I was warned by my twitter friend Kim about this and so I pushed through. On the second mile, I found my stride and by the last 1/2 mile I got the runner's high and my feet just kept going. I really thought I was dead last, seemed like everyone was ahead of me. I was trying to catch a lady in front of me and that kept me motivated.
As I swam and rode today, I went down my prayer list and prayed for so many friends. Friends with cancer, Friends with chronic conditions, a friend speaking at a memorial service, friends struggling with worry, Patrick who recently had a heart transplant and is in serious condition, and the last leg, I thought about Janet and how the whole world is watching her comeback. So what if I finished last? I didn't know anyone there besides Marty and the kids and they were proud. Plus, I recieved hundreds of comments on Twitter and Facebook cheering me on, I am loved and supported by many. I could feel that carrying me through. I literally cried reading all of the messages of support.
I finished in two hours, this was the time I figured it would take me. I was hoping for 1:45 but it didn't happen. I finished and I wasn't last! The best thing was Conner and Elizabeth were waiting at the finish and ran to hug me the moment I crossed the line. Marty was waiting with my bike and gave me a huge hug. That was the only thing I needed.
Elizabeth bravely did her first tri last year and inspired me to do my own. Conner is my bike mechanic and had my bike in tip top shape. They train with me and keep me company on the journey. So it was only fitting they were at the line. Marty too, he has put up with me running off to swim every evening and he pays for my adventures to boot!
I am tired and slightly sore. I took a fabulous nap this afternoon and a lot of the soreness went away. I got a massage after the race and that helped a lot.
Thanks to my friends Lei, Ronda and Darci for being my virtual workout buddies. These Momma's are so encouraging and supportive. Thanks to Mike, Lisa, and Andrea for the running inspiration and encouragement. Thanks to Julie and Kim for all of the tri advice and encouragement. Also my Twitter besties Kristi and Melinda, they always are encouraging me every morning and evening at workout time.
I definitely am hooked and will maybe do one again. First I have to help E train for her next Tri in June. Feels great to have accomplished something. I am proud of myself.
 |
| My loot |
A/N: This morning I found out that I placed 5th in my age group and my time was 1:47:50 seconds which means I was only two minutes off my goal time! I am thrilled.
Thursday, March 15, 2012
Riding Buddies
When I was about 11 years old, I made a friend named Tony. I had recently recieved a Schwinn 10-speed for Christmas and he loved to ride bikes also. I remember hopping on my bike, riding from my house to his house and going off on a adventure.
We would ride all over our city without helmets, hair blowing in the wind and seeing the sights. We would ride miles and miles together. I loved the freedom my bike gave me to see the world around me. I loved that Schwinn, I wish I still owned it. What a great bike that was and what adventures I had on it.
As a parent, I can't imagine letting Elizabeth go wander around our town on a bike. I think back, that was the days before cell phones and I was often gone for hours. The world was a different place back then and life was a lot simpler. I really would never let my kids ride off alone so we ride together.
We often get up early to get the schoolwork done before lunch., After lunch, we hop on the bikes and go on adventures together. We love riding in the sun with the wind blowing, often our view is the mountains on the top of the page. I love being able to share that experience with them while making memories together.
Being a short mom, my kids are about my height right now. It's nice that our abilities and statures are about the same. We keep up with each other very easily. Elizabeth isn't a fan of pro-cycling like Conner and I are. Even she loves her bike named "Clare" and riding the vast expanse.
I often get asked the question, "Do you ever want a break from the kids?" and that answer is sometimes I do need a break. Every mom needs a break sometimes. I do love spending every minute I can with them and enjoying our time together. Someday, not so very far off, they will be busy with their own lives and grown. I would rather spend every minute I can with them before that time. Someday, I will have plenty of time to myself and will miss these days.
So for now, we are riding buddies exploring together. What a precious gift to share with each other.
We would ride all over our city without helmets, hair blowing in the wind and seeing the sights. We would ride miles and miles together. I loved the freedom my bike gave me to see the world around me. I loved that Schwinn, I wish I still owned it. What a great bike that was and what adventures I had on it.
As a parent, I can't imagine letting Elizabeth go wander around our town on a bike. I think back, that was the days before cell phones and I was often gone for hours. The world was a different place back then and life was a lot simpler. I really would never let my kids ride off alone so we ride together.
We often get up early to get the schoolwork done before lunch., After lunch, we hop on the bikes and go on adventures together. We love riding in the sun with the wind blowing, often our view is the mountains on the top of the page. I love being able to share that experience with them while making memories together.
Being a short mom, my kids are about my height right now. It's nice that our abilities and statures are about the same. We keep up with each other very easily. Elizabeth isn't a fan of pro-cycling like Conner and I are. Even she loves her bike named "Clare" and riding the vast expanse.
I often get asked the question, "Do you ever want a break from the kids?" and that answer is sometimes I do need a break. Every mom needs a break sometimes. I do love spending every minute I can with them and enjoying our time together. Someday, not so very far off, they will be busy with their own lives and grown. I would rather spend every minute I can with them before that time. Someday, I will have plenty of time to myself and will miss these days.
So for now, we are riding buddies exploring together. What a precious gift to share with each other.
Friday, February 24, 2012
"You Just Talk, You Talk too Much"
Oh how I love the sound of my own voice, this isn't actually true. Some may think it is true by the way I talk and jabber on incessantly. I suppose that I have always loved to talk from a very young age. This may be because I was the first grandchild and niece, so they would put me in the center of the table and let me hold court. Rarely, if ever at I am a loss for words.
My parents aren't big talkers, they say I inherited the trait from my grandfathers family two of his sisters namely. Of course, my Gramie loved to talk even more than I do frequently chatting up strangers in the grocery store line. How she loved going to the beauty shop for her weekly chat session with Debbie.
Very often, she would have me play this game. She would give me her hand held mirror and tell me to pretend I was walking on the ceiling. It would keep me amused for quite some time and always fascinated me. I figured out this morning, she probably did that to keep me quiet and give herself a break.
One year in school, I was forced to sit facing the wall or a filing cabinet for half of the year. A young student teacher couldn't handle my jabbering and I wore her weary. I didn't mind because that let me be in my own land of imagination alas that is a story for another time.
My cousin Brianne came along and rivals me in the talking department. She would ( and probably still does) go to sleep talking and wake up talking. We both tend to be very loud when talking to one another and often our voices resemble a loud shouting on the phone.
Oh the telephone, how I have loved thee. Since I was about 12 years old, I have had long telephone conversations almost daily. I used to come home from school and call friends after doing my homework and spend hours on the phone. This carried over into my adult life.
When I moved away from my family and friends, the phone was my lifeline. I called my grandmothers and mother everyday for probably six months until I made new friends. One of my favorite antidotes to share is that my Grandma Brown taught me to make a whole Thanksgiving dinner over the phone. Even my Grandpa who was a rather quiet man would chat with me on the phone.
As a stay at home mom with young children who are homeschooled, I often spent hours on the phone talking to other moms. This was my life line of sorts for many, many years. It provided adult interaction while my husband was at work.
Since my grandparents are gone, I talk to my Dad on the phone at least four to five times a week. He gets anxious when I don't blog, Facebook or call him. Suddenly he thinks there must be something wrong with me!
Since Marty has been well, I spend very little time on the phone. Conner has inherited his momma's tongue and often chatters me ear off all day long. I now am the teach trying to focus the student and stop him from talking. I am the person handing him the mirror to go play a game for a moment of silence.
Marty will come home and usually he asks, " Who did you talk to today?" and I answer, "Nobody" and he looks at me as if I have grown another head. I just have little time with exercise, teaching, and chores to talk on the phone. Plus I have been reading Anne of Green Gables aloud to the kids and teaching, that is a lot of talking time.
I recently spent a week calling some of my long lost phone pals and catching up with them. I had to explain that its nothing personal, I am just busy and actually do miss them. Twitter and Facebook help provide the much needed adult interaction. I can easily send off a missive from my phone and go about my daily routine.
Sometimes change is a good thing, I think in this case it has been a bit of both. Of course, with my constant blogging, Facebooking and Tweeting there isn't much end to the talking. Now I talk in the written word instead of out loud. Sometimes its nice not to hear my own voice.
A/N Thank goodness Elizabeth has inherited her father's quiet gene. Sometimes if Conner is gone and we are all home alone the house is very silent.
My parents aren't big talkers, they say I inherited the trait from my grandfathers family two of his sisters namely. Of course, my Gramie loved to talk even more than I do frequently chatting up strangers in the grocery store line. How she loved going to the beauty shop for her weekly chat session with Debbie.
Very often, she would have me play this game. She would give me her hand held mirror and tell me to pretend I was walking on the ceiling. It would keep me amused for quite some time and always fascinated me. I figured out this morning, she probably did that to keep me quiet and give herself a break.
One year in school, I was forced to sit facing the wall or a filing cabinet for half of the year. A young student teacher couldn't handle my jabbering and I wore her weary. I didn't mind because that let me be in my own land of imagination alas that is a story for another time.
My cousin Brianne came along and rivals me in the talking department. She would ( and probably still does) go to sleep talking and wake up talking. We both tend to be very loud when talking to one another and often our voices resemble a loud shouting on the phone.
Oh the telephone, how I have loved thee. Since I was about 12 years old, I have had long telephone conversations almost daily. I used to come home from school and call friends after doing my homework and spend hours on the phone. This carried over into my adult life.
When I moved away from my family and friends, the phone was my lifeline. I called my grandmothers and mother everyday for probably six months until I made new friends. One of my favorite antidotes to share is that my Grandma Brown taught me to make a whole Thanksgiving dinner over the phone. Even my Grandpa who was a rather quiet man would chat with me on the phone.
As a stay at home mom with young children who are homeschooled, I often spent hours on the phone talking to other moms. This was my life line of sorts for many, many years. It provided adult interaction while my husband was at work.
Since my grandparents are gone, I talk to my Dad on the phone at least four to five times a week. He gets anxious when I don't blog, Facebook or call him. Suddenly he thinks there must be something wrong with me!
Since Marty has been well, I spend very little time on the phone. Conner has inherited his momma's tongue and often chatters me ear off all day long. I now am the teach trying to focus the student and stop him from talking. I am the person handing him the mirror to go play a game for a moment of silence.
Marty will come home and usually he asks, " Who did you talk to today?" and I answer, "Nobody" and he looks at me as if I have grown another head. I just have little time with exercise, teaching, and chores to talk on the phone. Plus I have been reading Anne of Green Gables aloud to the kids and teaching, that is a lot of talking time.
I recently spent a week calling some of my long lost phone pals and catching up with them. I had to explain that its nothing personal, I am just busy and actually do miss them. Twitter and Facebook help provide the much needed adult interaction. I can easily send off a missive from my phone and go about my daily routine.
Sometimes change is a good thing, I think in this case it has been a bit of both. Of course, with my constant blogging, Facebooking and Tweeting there isn't much end to the talking. Now I talk in the written word instead of out loud. Sometimes its nice not to hear my own voice.
A/N Thank goodness Elizabeth has inherited her father's quiet gene. Sometimes if Conner is gone and we are all home alone the house is very silent.
Friday, February 10, 2012
Things You Didn't Care to Know About Me
On my Twitter journey I recently met Eric @Trimon who introduced me to his wife Pamela's blog. Pamela is a real writer with real talent and she is hysterically funny. She is brutally honest and transparent, shares her life warts and all. I love reading her adventures and sometimes misadventures. I really hope you check out her blog, especially if you love good grammar, a great story teller and a funny story.
Sweet Eric tweeted Pam's blog today and this post was hysterical. At the very bottom I noticed she challenged me to repost it.
http://pamelahutchins.com/2012/02/09/like-a-virgin
So here I am, sharing 11 things You Don't Care to Know About Me
Sweet Eric tweeted Pam's blog today and this post was hysterical. At the very bottom I noticed she challenged me to repost it.
http://pamelahutchins.com/2012/02/09/like-a-virgin
So here I am, sharing 11 things You Don't Care to Know About Me
Pam asked:
1. Who was your favorite teacher and why?
Mr.Roswell a great English teacher who put up with some of my shenanigans. Also, Mr.Fawley whose love of history inspired me.
2. What were your sports of choice when you were younger? I just wanted to be a gymnast like Nadia or a ice skater like Dorothy Hamill.
3. What did you want to be when you grew up?
A history teacher like Mr.Fawley
4. What profession did you ultimately end up in and why?
I still haven't figured that out. I am currently teaching history,math, science and other things to my children. I am currently thinking about my future career.
5. What is the single most important thing you think parents should teach their children?
To love others as they love themselves. To be polite, honest, respectful and contributing members of society.
6. When you run, what is the one thing your mind turns to the most often?
I end up praying. " I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me" and then I pray for other people. Because if I think of myself, I end up saying " God please don't let me die running."
7. What is your favorite book and how many times have you read it?
I tend to have a photographic memory when it comes to books. It's almost as if I memorize them in chunks. So its really boring for me to re-read them. I recently decided to force my children to listen to me read them my favorite book of all time, Anne of Green Gables. I highly identify with Anne.
8. If you could only pick one movie to watch for the rest of your life what would it be?
This question has me in a panic. One? I have to pick one? Anne of Green Gables for the win. It was a toss up between that and the BBC version of Pride and Prejudice. I better quit now....Grease would be next!
9. Are you more comfortable in the city or the country?
I'm a bit of both so I say the suburbs
10. If you had the option of spending three months of the year in another place, where would you choose?
England
11. What is your all time favorite museum to visit?
National Museum of American History. I could live in that place.
There are apparently rules to this randomness, so I hereby tag 11 other blogger writers to join the fun, and I recommend you, dear readers, check them out, after you go read Pam:
Darci at Busy but Precious Moments
Bethany at Striving to Be Bold
Di because she needs to blog! Baja Bound
Stacy at Finding Purpose in The Pain She's also hosting a great giveaway today.
Lei at Southern Maine Living
Jenn at Misadventures in Motherhood she is just plain funny and her tweets are hysterical
Christina at Spilled Milkshake I hooked up to a blog hop of her's a long time ago and still get hits from her site.
Felicia at Felcia's Legend one of my best commenters
Trish at Everyday Trish another great commenter
You Know What They Say
About people who assume things. Lately the subject of assumption and judgement are something I have been thinking about. I often feel like people assume things about me before they get to know me or people who judge the choices of other women.
You often hear working mom's feel brought down by stay at home mom's and the reality is that judgement goes the other way. I have been both kinds of mom and neither job is easy. I worked until my children were 5 and 7 years old, I've been staying home since 2005. I will one day return to being a working mom and maybe in the not so near future. I think it all goes because one feels less than the other. I know when I was a working mom it would be rough seeing my SAHM mom friends going out to lunch and to play dates. They would tell me "someday" when I stayed home, I could go. The reverse goes for Stay at home mom's when working mom's think they are lazy and do nothing all day. Why the need to judge? I think it comes from a place of feeling somehow less than the other.
I hear a lot of bad things about Christians, all the time. People automatically lump you into a group and then just assume that you are all the same. This couldn't be farther from the truth. I make it a point to not judge someone else because of their faith. I have friends and family of all different faiths and I am accepting of their choices. People can be different and still find common ground if they take the time to get to know each other. Unless you take the time to know me, you may not see where I am coming from. I don't assume things about you because my Grandma always told me, " You know what they say, when you assume, you make a *ss out of you and me" yeah, I said it. Judge me.
All I am saying is we aren't the judge. I have seen a trend recently in my fitness quest, that women are so inspired by other women. We should encourage each other, inspire one another, support one another instead of tearing each other down. This is my goal. I go about my merry little Pollyanna way being cheery and happy trying to encourage others. It's as simple as knowing, I am not the judge and neither are you.
You often hear working mom's feel brought down by stay at home mom's and the reality is that judgement goes the other way. I have been both kinds of mom and neither job is easy. I worked until my children were 5 and 7 years old, I've been staying home since 2005. I will one day return to being a working mom and maybe in the not so near future. I think it all goes because one feels less than the other. I know when I was a working mom it would be rough seeing my SAHM mom friends going out to lunch and to play dates. They would tell me "someday" when I stayed home, I could go. The reverse goes for Stay at home mom's when working mom's think they are lazy and do nothing all day. Why the need to judge? I think it comes from a place of feeling somehow less than the other.
I hear a lot of bad things about Christians, all the time. People automatically lump you into a group and then just assume that you are all the same. This couldn't be farther from the truth. I make it a point to not judge someone else because of their faith. I have friends and family of all different faiths and I am accepting of their choices. People can be different and still find common ground if they take the time to get to know each other. Unless you take the time to know me, you may not see where I am coming from. I don't assume things about you because my Grandma always told me, " You know what they say, when you assume, you make a *ss out of you and me" yeah, I said it. Judge me.
All I am saying is we aren't the judge. I have seen a trend recently in my fitness quest, that women are so inspired by other women. We should encourage each other, inspire one another, support one another instead of tearing each other down. This is my goal. I go about my merry little Pollyanna way being cheery and happy trying to encourage others. It's as simple as knowing, I am not the judge and neither are you.
Wednesday, January 25, 2012
The Transparency Trickle Down Effect
My blogger friend Darci recently wrote about being transparent. She mentioned in the age of social media, its so easy to make your life look perfect.
She challenged her readers to be transparent and share challenges. I always strive to be transparent and honest. I don't like facades and trying to save face.
I often feel like sometimes other bloggers seem preachy and know it all. I don't want to be preachy. I have a gift of being able to relate to people where they are at. I don't like to make them feel judged or less than.
I shared our struggle with dialysis and transplant in hopes of helping others. If you read those blogspot you will see a very broken and struggling me.
I've been appreciating a friend's transparency via email as she for a through cancer and chemo. She really has been inspiring me.
My life is far from perfect. I come from a broken nuclear family but have a strong extended family.I strive to give my kids a strong foundation at home. My family isn't perfect but we love one another above all.
I stopped excercising and gained weight. I didn't eat badly but I never drank water and that caused me to over eat when in reality I was thirsty. Now I've got over 65 pounds to lose. My main motivation is to get fit and be healthy. Also to teach my children good habits now.
I've been inspired by a multitude of fit people who are encouraging and supportive. I've been sharing my journey and it somehow has motivated many other people. I've got people telling me I'm motivating them.
I'm blown away. I'm just doing it for me. Now I feel like I'm helping others and we are doing it together. It's a amazing feeling and a huge motivational tool.
My challenge to you is strive to be transparent. Thanks Darci for challenging me to so the same.
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