The B and F Driving School

On Wednesday when it was Conner's birthday, my Aunt left a comment on his Facebook profile that made me laugh. She told Conner he was getting old enough to drive and needed to come to her special driving school. It made me crack up hysterically fueling the idea this story needed to be told. It also goes hand in hand with complaints from my Dad about the way I drive when he rides with me.


One Saturday when I was thirteen years old, my aunt Maggie and I were out for a drive in her red Ford Blazer. We had many fun times in that car and she drove us girls all over in that car. This particular Saturday she drove me to York field parking lot and told me she was going to teach me how to drive. Maggie is only 11 years older than I am and was in her early twenties. She told me not to tell my parents and I loved it. She taught me how to park, start the car, reverse and everything. We did this many Saturday mornings for a long time. Nobody ever knew and it was a fun secret to have.

Later my cousins and sister joined in on the fun all while our parents remained in the dark. Not sure how old the other girls were when it became their turn to learn. Maggie was the coolest aunt ever in our eyes!

One day, my Mom and I were grocery shopping and she became very ill in the store. She nearly passed out and wondered how would we get home? I calmly smiled and said, "Don't worry Mom, I know how to drive! I can drive us home!" Imagine the look of shock on her face ( I am laughing hysterically just typing this out.) that her 13 and a half year old knew how to drive. It was two blocks and I got us home safely.  There was a long conversation about how Aunt Maggie had been secretly teaching me to drive. My mom was thankful in that moment.

I think our driving school stopped after that until I was old enough to drive. I don't think my parents were amused by this news at first! I really don't know since I missed out on those conversations.

A few years later, I was sixteen and babysitting regularly for our friends the Fitz's every weekend. Mr.Fitz decided that I needed to learn to drive stick shift to drive their cars. So Saturday mornings on the way home from my Friday night sitting gig, he would take me out driving. I remember many frustrating times at stoplights where I would stall out when the light turned green. I also remember one time girls driving by and laughing at me as I jerked  the car up a hilly intersection.

It was during this time that I picked up a driving habit of Jim's. His wife Jen once told me that Jim never liked to go the same way twice into their neighborhood and often took "short cuts". To this day, I always have a particular way of going certain places. It drives my Dad insane and he always says "Why can't you drive in a straight line!!"

My answer, "Please forward all complaints to the instructor at Fitzpatrick school of driving please" while I smile and laugh.

I truthfully think my Dad and Mom owe Jim and Maggie a great thanks. They never had to suffer through the task of teaching me how to drive. I also have never caused or been in one accident since driving at the tender age of thirteen. I am a excellent driver! I went on to teach Marty and others to drive stick and am so thankful to have learned to drive stick.

I am also grateful for the funny memories that make me smile and laugh. I was driving with my Dad tonight and he was complaining about my driving and I just smiled while mentally writing this blog in my head.

Thanks Mags and Jim!

P.S.  Maggie and I have children close in age. My cousins were threatened within a inch of their life to NOT teach her daughter Alex how to drive without her permission.

Elizabeth birth story

A few months back I wrote out Conner's birth story with the promise of writing Elizabeth's eventually. Warning, this could contain TMI that you might not want to read. You have been warned.

I found out that I was pregnant with Elizabeth in August of 1999, two months after losing a baby. It was quite a emotional time for me. We had just moved here to Visalia, we were getting back on our feet and things were crazy. After losing the baby we decided to try again and not wait, was this smart? no, we weren't really thinking with our brains. It was more of a emotional decision, that I am very glad we made. It was a very emotional pregnancy, filled with fear and anxiety well past three months.

Overall, it was a better pregnancy than Conner, not filled with constant morning sickness or horrible heartburn. I just didn't like the smell of meat and craved cold Sunkist( they had to be Sunkist) oranges sliced. I worked and had these horrible near black out spells after standing too long. The room would grow dim and my head would feel fuzzy. I had the pleasure of being seen by a wonderful Nurse Midwife here in our city. She was very supportive and understood that I was a emotional wreck. She also lobbied for me to get my tubes tied even though I was only twenty three. I had a sinking uterus that laid on my bladder causing all sorts of problems.

I was pregnant until 39 weeks, four more weeks than I went with Conner. I seriously do not know how people carry babies past 40 weeks. I think of when Andrea was pregnant with Tate, I WOULD HAVE DIED! So Rita gave me the option of induction and picked the date for me to go in. I went in for the day, got Cyotec placed. I laid there and laid there, to no avail so they sent me home. We went out to eat before picking up Conner and went home. Went home and things really started moving along, I started to labor and be the evening went back to the hospital.

 It was a very painful labor, much more painful than my labor with Conner. I spent most of the night standing and sitting in the bath tub. I loved having options that didn't force me to stay in bed like with Conner. Marty and my mom were great coaches as before. Marty really understood how to get in my face and calm me down, he really was a great partner. I was able to stay drug free and off the iv for the whole night. By 8:00 in the morning they discovered that Elizabeth was posterior and not turning. Rita talked me into getting a epidural, she said sometimes those will help a baby flip and drop.

So at 8:30 they came in and set me up, they got the epidural placed and laid me down by 8:45. By 9:00 I was ready to push, she flipped that fast! By 9:30 she was born, crying and screaming just like she is today! It was a wonderful birth that changed my life. I became very passionate about labor and delivery and learned things don't have to be one way. I felt healed by the experience and empowered, it really was a beautiful event.

Three years later, I was able to get a job at the hospital working as a doula. It was a wonderful way to help other women in their birthing experience. I loved being there and helping others learn, it doesn't have to be horrible and miserable. I loved my time there and still look forward to returning to the field someday.

A story and some questions answered

My good friend Viviana just passed on a story to me of a family that donated their baby's organs. The family made the difficult decision no parent ever wants to make and donated their baby girl's organs. She ended up giving life to a 49 year old woman in San Francisco who needed new kidneys. Wow, this hits home and is exactly the face we needed to this story. It helps me to remember who we are praying for and the decisions they face. I linked to the story and if you click on the title it will take you to the blog to read.

Last night some friends were asking questions about donation and how it all works. I thought maybe I needed to explain the best I can to help you understand even if I have limited understanding. One thing is Marty has now been on the list 17 months they told us the wait is anywhere from one to three years. So we are halfway between that number now, so anytime the call could come. He has not been active status that whole time, only since November he has been active. What is the difference? Now he sends a monthly blood sample to the histo lab at Stanford. When organs become available they check the blood samples of candiates and find the closest match or perfect match to the organs. I think they check those highest on the list first. If you are a exact genetic match they give it to you.

Marty still does have his kidneys, he still goes to the bathroom normally. All it means is the urine the kidneys produce is bad. The kidneys no longer remove the toxins from his blood and the toxins stay in his body. The dialysis removes the toxins from his body for him and when the fluid drains out it is urine colored ( sorry for TMI) interestingly enough. The catheter is in his side not far from his belly button. We attach it to the tubing set and the fluid goes in and out that way. The fluid sits in his abdomen for several hours and draws out the toxins. That is why lately he has been dehydrated from too much dialysis.

When he gets his transplant it will come from a deceased donor. A person cannot live without their pancreas and it has to come from a deceased donor. The kidney could come from a live donor but the organs both have to come from the same person. After his transplant we will live in Palo Alto for up to three months. We have made arrangements for our kids to be cared for and our house to be cared for while we are gone.

If I haven't answered your question, please let me know. You can ask me anything and I will answer.

***************************************update**********************************************************************************
Questions from Di:
Will the kids be with you? Not for the first month, they will be at home being cared for by my mom or my friend Robin. Then we may bring them up to be with us as time goes on and Marty gets better.

Do they ever tell you when he is "at the top" of the list? Not that we know of, we will just get the call. As time goes on we might find this out.

Or is that just something you see on TV? I think for lungs and hearts you know this but not for kidneys. I am not sure but all indications are this will not happen.

Does your insurance (or someone else) reimburse you for having to stay so close to the hospital for such a long period of time? No, the insurance pays 100% of everything related to Marty. But for me it will be all out of pocket expense. We have heard there are discounts on hotels and maybe some housing available. We have been told not to worry about this part that it will all work out. I am sure it will be expensive.

How long will you have to get there once they call? They have told us between 12 and 24 hours.

How far away is it? It takes about 4 hours to get there. It is about 400 miles away.

Does Marty plan to work until that time (if able)? He plans on working all the way until he gets the call. He has already filled out FMLA papers and we have taken some steps to get business taken care of while we are gone. The only way he will quit work is if he is physically unable to work.
*****************************question from Caroline******************************************
My reader and friend Caroline asked this:
Who will school the kids while you are gone?
My mom will hopefully be able to come care for the kids while we are gone. The plan is for her to come stay for four weeks at our house. If she cannot come then my friend Robin will care for the kids. If my friend Robin cannot care for the kids then our friends Larry and Joyce will.

This year I purposely bought curriculum that can be self taught if needed. So that if I left the schooling could continue with minimal interuption. Of course ideally if things would happen during the summer that would be even better. Then there would be no need for school work to be done.

After the first four weeks, we will look into having the kids come stay with us. It might not be possible but if so then they can come. I am sure it will all work out when the time comes and many people will offer even more help.

Confessions of a messy moose

So they say there is such a thing as payback, well maybe you will understand that I am being paid back after reading this. Let's just say, I was a very active child with a habit of winding up in crazy scrapes. See there is a reason I think Conner and Tate are so funny, I was just like them. Happy-go-lucky but very active and into everything!

They say I never crawled, I just stood up and walked at eight months old. This would cause a severe motor skills problem later in school. When I was eighteen months old, I decided to jump on my parents water bed and split my head open. This would be my first of many trips to Whittier Hospital. I still have the scar today, when I wrinkly my forehead just so you can see the mark.

When I hit two and half the problems really started. First of all, I thought my new sibling was for the birds. My Grandma Brown was so mad that when Carrie came home I bit her on the cheek and my mom said "It's okay, she's just jealous." Grandma really never got over that one. Then I would make a habit of stealing her bottle once my mom stopped nursing her. My mom said one day she sat Carrie on the table in the tote seat and fed me lunch. She looked over and heard "chchch" and saw that I had fed Carrie some chips, too bad she was only a month old.

One day when she was a bit bigger, I got her to climb up on the table and put her in a baking pan. I buttered her up and told my mom to come get her, I was going to bake her. Yeah,that story is a bit scary. Then when she was a bit bigger, I stole her ice cream cone and stuck it to the roof of the car. When we went in she took a little bronze African statue and hit me over the head with it. She spilt open my head but showed me to leave her alone.

During the time Carrie was a baby, my parent's decided to mow the lawn. I remember we lived off of Cole Road right across from our nursery school. I remember thinking that my parent's left lemonade down on the ground, I took a sip and remember my mom screaming. I had sipped the gasoline from the lawn mower. I remember clutching my Ernie doll as they took me to get my stomach pumped at Whittier Hospital.

Don't worry, it gets better but you will have to wait until tomorrow to hear some more.

Sea Monkeys

This morning I ran to the grocery store to buy some coffee creamer and found these sitting at the checkout. A year ago I was wanting to buy some for my kids so I splurged the six bucks to buy some for them.  Then I had the following conversation at the check out:

Checker: " What are these?"

Me: "Sea Monkeys, didn't you have them growing up?"

Checker: " No, I was wondering what they were?"

Me:  "They were really popular when I was young in the eighties, everyone had them."

" How old are you?"

Checker : "twenty-six."

Me:  "Your a few years younger than me, maybe that's why you haven't seen them."

Checker: "How old are you?"

Me: "Thirty-two."

Checker: " Whoa, you don't look that old at all."

I could have kissed her right then!

p.s. The kids are so excited and counting the days until they hatch.

The story of Kim part four

Let's fast forward to 1986, Kim is now a mother herself to a son Christopher. She has runaway numerous times, lived in a group home and a home for teen mom's. She is looking and searching for something in life but unable to find her way. We still don't know about her dad or the story of her life but the picture is about to unfold.

My mom got a letter at her mom's house from Sef Franken, he wants to come visit and bring his fiance. In the summer we get a visit from him and his French fiance. This is the first person we meet from the past and begin to learn about Holland. He visits for about a week and then leaves not to be heard of again for several years. In the late nineties we find out the reason for this visit is so he could see if my mom was happy. Apparently he always carried the flame for my mom and wanted to see if she was happy before he married.

A few years later, my parent's divorced and our family spilt up. My mom was very unhappy and didn't want to be married any longer. This was a devastating time for us kids, especially Carrie and I. My mom was very stressed, unwell and unhappy this was clearly evident to me. I really wouldn't know the full extent until years later.

By this time, we knew her dad's name was Fredrick Chandler and he was from Blackpool,England. We had found an old notebook of my mom's with his name doodled all over the front like all sixteen year old girls do. Kim turned 21 and started earning enough money to hire a private detective. She told him to search for a Fredrick Chandler in Blackpool, England. After some time the result came back Fredrick was dead, there would be no hope of finding him. She never got a piece of paper saying so but that is what the detective told her.

In 1999 a few things happened, one I moved to Visalia to be near Kim and two Sef Franken contacted my mom again. This time he came to visit her alone and wanted to have a relationship with her. He worked in Holland for KLM and could come visit and keep in contact by mail. This went on for a year or so. In the year 2000, Kim was 32 years old and decided to look for Fredrick one more time. One morning before I was leaving for work, I got a phone call from Kim. I heard crying on the other end and the words " I found him, I found my Dad, he's alive."

To be continued...............................

The story of Kim part one

We all have family secrets and stories to tell, nobody has a perfect family. Our family has many stories and secrets, more than others in my opinion. One big story has to do with the birth of my sister Kim. It remained a family secret for 30 years, always around but never talked about openly. I have wondered if I should tell the story backwards or forwards, it has been a tough decision. I guess I will write it forwards and hope that it makes sense.

My mom's family moved from Kansas to Whittier,Ca in 1960 to follow my grandfather's job. He worked for the Fluor corporation as an engineer. They quickly settled into the suburb lifestyle making many friends. They were very involved in the Catholic church at St.Bruno's parish, there they met my other grandparent's Ben and Betty Brown. My grandparent's quickly became the best of friends and did everything together. My parent's have known each other their whole lives, spending many holidays, special events and going to Catholic school together.

In the summer of 1966 my grandfather was told he would be moved to the Netherlands for two years to work on greenhouses for tulips. The whole family would move and live in Holland during that time. Arrangements were made for my dad to help my mom's grandparents care for the family home during this time. So my mom and her family moved to Holland and lived in a hotel for 6 months until a home could be found. During this time my mom met a boy named Sef Franken who would be her first boyfriend. They lived in the Franken family hotel and the Frankens treated them like family. They taught them how to skate on the canals, cook Dutch food and showed them the country.

When school time came, it was decided that my mom, her sister and brother would travel by train to The Hague and go to the international school. They felt that would be a great experience for their children to meet other kids from around the world. So everyday they would get up and ride the train to school. While at school they met a boy named Fredrick Chandler, from Blackpool, England whose father also worked for Fluor. I guess, it was love at first sight for my mom but Rick had another girlfriend named Annamieka that he was dating.

They finally found a family home in Haaimstead, it was a five story house with scary stairs. It was at this time my grandmother contracted Scarlet fever. During her bout with the fever she fell down the five flights of stairs leaving her laid up and unable to tend to the kids. My grandfather was working long hours and the kids had free rein. My mom started dating Rick and hanging out with his band. I guess she eventually joined the band and started living a 60's lifestyle away from home. My grandfather eventually caught wind and was furious, his child would not act like that. He found Rick and told him that he was NOT allowed to date his daughter or see her outside of school.

My mother was heartbroken, she was a sixteen year old girl madly in love. As for Rick, I am not sure what he really thought because I am sure Annamieka was on the side. During school hours they would see each other and pine to be together. Eventually my grandfather caved and allowed them to see each other in limited amounts. Something happened, not sure what as it is still a mystery to me but things changed. My grandfather once again denied them contact, he really didn't care for Rick and forbade my mother to see him. During school hours a plan of gigantic proportions was hatched.

Stay tuned, part two will air tomorrow.

Happy Mother's day

I woke up this morning to Conner carrying in our white board loaded with food. He had made me cereal,toast, coffee and a banana for breakfast.

 Then he gave me two cards made on notebook paper, the first one said " I love you mom your the best mom. Love Conner" and the second one had a picture of a house inside the house it said " I love my mom. You put love into this house, you make it run." awww, I was so surprised and actually thought the second one was from Elizabeth because it was written so well. Writing is so hard for Conner and not something he just does, so it really brought me to tears.

Then Elizabeth got up and gave me one of her teddy bears with a card. It said " I love my mom, sometimes she is mad, sometimes she is happy. But I still love her she is my mom." then she wrote Psalm 100 on the back. Marty came home and brought me a card and then we went to church. He bought me a salad from Chili's after and had the kids do some chores for me.

I laid down for a nap to be awoke by Conner yelling at Elizabeth. So Marty decided to go check on them and told me that Conner had taken apart the sink. He was doing dishes for me and something clogged the drain, so he took the drain off and fixed it. By the time we heard him it was put back together. He came in crying and told me that " I worked so hard and now all my work is messed up." and Marty told him " That is what your momma deals with everyday". I was really sweet and a nice gift from Conner.

Sacramento tales

There are a few stories that my family would like me to preserve for posterity from our time in Sacramento. 

The first being: We decided to go to the movies in Citrus heights at the mall, so we drove over there and parked, we started walking and decided to go back to the car for Marty and I to have a discussion. We get in the car and start hearing this lady blare the horn, after two minutes we realize she is honking at us and wants the space. Now after a minute or two she should have realized that we weren't leaving but she didn't. It got so bad the I had to pull out and give her my spot instead of getting out and confronting her. I found a spot on aisle over  but boy was I peeved, the nerve of some people, guess what? She just sat in the spot car running and we never did see her get out.

Second tale: The next night we decided to grab some Taco Bell instead of going to a restaurant. We get in the drive through lane and there are two cars ahead of us, the girl in the first car is taking forevah to order and the guy in the second car starts hanging his head out the window in disgust. Finally he gets up to order and goes forward to pay, we order and pull forward to pay. When we pull forward the guy in front is still there, all of the sudden he starts waving his arms at the people inside and tapping on the drive thru window with his credit card. Marty, the kids and I are in stitches by now cracking up at the impatient man in the roller skate car. He finally gets the guy to come to the window and pays. We pull forward still laughing to be greeted by the drive thru operator, I ask him to repeat my order and he does, then he says " Is that all cause I gotta go..." we start busting up laughing and he walks away. The next guy comes up and we ask him to check our order, he starts telling me which burritos are which but gets confused and a guy comes up behind him and grabs the burritos out of his hand and proceeds to tell us what is what. We get the food and drive away, Conner says " Mom, this story is too good not to share!"

Final tale:

Yesterday, I decided to go get pizza and bring it back since we were all exhausted. Conner comes with me, Marty and Elizabeth stay behind. I went to one pizza place to find nobody there willing to come take my order, so I walked out and left. I drove back in a direction I am familiar with and found another one.  We order and leave to get some groceries, I pull out of the driveway into traffic stopped at a red light. I am kinda close to the person I pull out behind but not anything unusual for pulling out of a driveway. All of the sudden the guy throws it in reverse and starts backing up, I throw it in reverse and back up instead of honking ( I really must learn to honk) and the guy waves his hand to thank me. Then he just sits there instead of changing lanes like I thought he was doing. Then the light turns and I realize he was being a big old jerk and backing up because he thought I was too close. Needless to say I was really angry about the whole situation and wished I had honked or let him back into me!

Moral: Don't come to Sacramento and drive because people are horrible,impatient drivers around here and you might find yourself losing your cool.

I think I am getting gray hair

Me: " Marty, I think I found a gray hair"

Marty: " That's okay, I have a few too."

Elizabeth: " That's okay, your still my momma and I still love you"

I think I need a dye job! Maybe I will go back to my old standby red.

Fascinating

I am seriously fascinated by this story of a man giving birth. At first I couldn't believe that it was true and the read that it was a transgender man. He is doing this for his wife who could not give birth.Very interesting, opinions?