Be Kind
Love others more than you love yourself
Bring joy to someone everyday
Smile,its easy to do and you will often get one in return.
Listen more than you do talk
Being encouraging is so much easier than being discouraging and feels better.
Be happy its contagious
Being honest is easier than lying
Above all be true to yourself and be the kind of friend you would like in return. It doesn't always come back to you but when it does, it feels amazing.
I love others, sometimes far more than I love myself. It is hard for me when others don't love me in return. I just think everyone should get along with everyone else. Unfortunately the world doesn't work that way. This year, I've learned you cannot control others reactions and you cannot make somebody like you even if you're nice to them. Some people just don't like nice.
Now I have learned nice has a limit. Sadly, I learned this lesson from my own siblings, I was nice until it was a detriment to my own sanity. Though nice, soft and fairly easy going, I have a limits and boundaries. No longer am I the doormat that I once was and definitely will not be pushed around.
I've lived a hard enough life to be tough as nails under my soft demeanor. I was also raised to love myself, respect myself and take care of myself. As much as I love people, I am suprisingly self sufficient and independent.
Basically, you don't have to like my happy go lucky Pollyanna ways, I won't be happy that you don't like me but in the end, its your loss not mine.
One of my personal goals is to work on not caring what others think about me by the time I am forty. Working on it everyday and making slow but sure progress. I care about others and when someone doesn't care back, it hurts me. I love having a heart that is soft and cares for others but it can be a thorn in the flesh as well. Definitely my achilles heal at times.
Today was a long busy day at work and home. This is just what came out of my jumbled thoughts tonight.
A modern day Pollyanna waxing poetic about her life.
Showing posts with label just jules. Show all posts
Showing posts with label just jules. Show all posts
Wednesday, November 20, 2013
Tuesday, November 19, 2013
Time Machine Tuesday: Things about Me
From 11/16/09 from the post : http://www.julesmpg.com/2009/11/some-things-about-me-di-did-this-and-i.html
I don't eat baked fruit pies. How un-American is that. ( I really don't eat baked fruit at all. I don't like it)
I don't drink milk.
I have only ever had three jobs.
I was voted "Most likely to cry at the movies" my senior year in high school.
I once rode on the Goodyear blimp.
My parents divorced when I was 13
I have small feet used to wear a five. Since I've had kids now its six and a half.
I am pigeon toed. My mom and sister are also.
I once got blood in my eye and mouth while labor coaching.
When I meet people, the first thing I notice is teeth.
I love old movies
From 11/27/07 ( please note, this was a very dark time in my life and I was super grumpy. I am usually not that ranty but I do believe these things) from the post: http://www.julesmpg.com/2007/11/i-can-pretend-i-dont-have-work-to-do.html
Things that bug me:
When people treat other people poorly. When someone thinks more highly of themselves than others. Whatever happened to living by the Golden Rule? I always want to Do Unto Others and it is hard when people are mean,ugly, rude, disingenuous, and down right hurtful. It's hard to always be kind, to put others ahead of yourself. Nobody is perfect and we cannot think we are either.
Being late, you want to see me twitch? Make me late and I will shutdown and start twitching.
Lying. The truth may hurt but lies hurt more and do more damage than good.
Spammers, they make my life difficult most days and I wonder why they all come from Russia?
( I really am a people person.....really people I am.)
When I ruin perfectly good new clothes doing housework or cooking. I am so messy and never can keep stain free even if my life depended on it. My childhood nickname was Messy Moose for crying out loud.
Parents who let their children behave badly and feed into it. Do you really thinking giving in will help in the long run? I understand kids being kids and behaving badly. Just allowing it is another thing.
People who take credit for things others have done.
My biggest pet peeve is : People who judge books by their cover. I do not care who you are, what you have done, how much money you have, I only care if you are a good person. I also never judge somebody with someone's else's opinion of them because I want to take the time to see who you are.
My likes:
My faith is my number one important thing to me. MPG stands for Mom Pursuing God.
My husband who still makes me weak in knees after 13 yrs. and is such a strong person. I have learned so much about myself through him and he is really a person I look up to.( now 17 years, through the valley and back and I still feel the same)
My kids who make me laugh everyday and encourage me to be a better person.
Family means a lot to me even if I do not see them everyday.
Women who encourage other women in life. I am so thankful for the many wonderful women I am surrounded by in life and online. They encourage me to be a better person, mother, wife, friend and family member. They teach me things, share their struggles, pain, and joy. This started with my grandmother's and has trickled down to the many wonderful people I call my friend.
Being true to myself and not trying to fit in any mold laid before me. I do not want to live someone else's life I want to live my own life with my own path.
I think that sums things up and I feel better having said it. I just have been holding a lot in lately trying to be strong and I am sure some of this is stress induced. I feel a lot of peace but I am human, and stress gets to all of us at one time or another. I think that about eats up my venting quota for the next month or so.
P.S. I just spoke with the financial coordinator at Stanford and she said the insurance is trying to completely re-direct us somewhere else grrrrr! They are working with the insurance to resolve the problem and they are hopeful for resolution.
As I grow weary from doing NaBloPoMo, these old posts remind me of where I have come from and remind me of why I do this. Remembering while moving forward is my favorite part in life.
I don't eat baked fruit pies. How un-American is that. ( I really don't eat baked fruit at all. I don't like it)
I don't drink milk.
I have only ever had three jobs.
I was voted "Most likely to cry at the movies" my senior year in high school.
I once rode on the Goodyear blimp.
My parents divorced when I was 13
I have small feet used to wear a five. Since I've had kids now its six and a half.
I am pigeon toed. My mom and sister are also.
I once got blood in my eye and mouth while labor coaching.
When I meet people, the first thing I notice is teeth.
I love old movies
From 11/27/07 ( please note, this was a very dark time in my life and I was super grumpy. I am usually not that ranty but I do believe these things) from the post: http://www.julesmpg.com/2007/11/i-can-pretend-i-dont-have-work-to-do.html
Things that bug me:
When people treat other people poorly. When someone thinks more highly of themselves than others. Whatever happened to living by the Golden Rule? I always want to Do Unto Others and it is hard when people are mean,ugly, rude, disingenuous, and down right hurtful. It's hard to always be kind, to put others ahead of yourself. Nobody is perfect and we cannot think we are either.
Being late, you want to see me twitch? Make me late and I will shutdown and start twitching.
Lying. The truth may hurt but lies hurt more and do more damage than good.
Spammers, they make my life difficult most days and I wonder why they all come from Russia?
( I really am a people person.....really people I am.)
When I ruin perfectly good new clothes doing housework or cooking. I am so messy and never can keep stain free even if my life depended on it. My childhood nickname was Messy Moose for crying out loud.
Parents who let their children behave badly and feed into it. Do you really thinking giving in will help in the long run? I understand kids being kids and behaving badly. Just allowing it is another thing.
People who take credit for things others have done.
My biggest pet peeve is : People who judge books by their cover. I do not care who you are, what you have done, how much money you have, I only care if you are a good person. I also never judge somebody with someone's else's opinion of them because I want to take the time to see who you are.
My likes:
My faith is my number one important thing to me. MPG stands for Mom Pursuing God.
My husband who still makes me weak in knees after 13 yrs. and is such a strong person. I have learned so much about myself through him and he is really a person I look up to.( now 17 years, through the valley and back and I still feel the same)
My kids who make me laugh everyday and encourage me to be a better person.
Family means a lot to me even if I do not see them everyday.
Women who encourage other women in life. I am so thankful for the many wonderful women I am surrounded by in life and online. They encourage me to be a better person, mother, wife, friend and family member. They teach me things, share their struggles, pain, and joy. This started with my grandmother's and has trickled down to the many wonderful people I call my friend.
Being true to myself and not trying to fit in any mold laid before me. I do not want to live someone else's life I want to live my own life with my own path.
I think that sums things up and I feel better having said it. I just have been holding a lot in lately trying to be strong and I am sure some of this is stress induced. I feel a lot of peace but I am human, and stress gets to all of us at one time or another. I think that about eats up my venting quota for the next month or so.
P.S. I just spoke with the financial coordinator at Stanford and she said the insurance is trying to completely re-direct us somewhere else grrrrr! They are working with the insurance to resolve the problem and they are hopeful for resolution.
As I grow weary from doing NaBloPoMo, these old posts remind me of where I have come from and remind me of why I do this. Remembering while moving forward is my favorite part in life.
Tuesday, November 12, 2013
That Anne Girl
Today my post comes from a prompt from The Daily Post , a site set up by Blogher for those participating in NaBloPoMo. This is my first time ever using one of their prompts, this year I am struggling for filler post ideas and seeking originality. Any input and constructive criticism welcome.
Today's prompt:
Tell us about a favorite character from film, theater, or literature, with whom you’d like to have a heart-to-heart. What would you talk about?
There is a girl and her name is Anne,I fell in love with her when I was twelve years old and she's owned a piece of my heart ever since.
Her red hair, fiery temper, and indomitable spirit have inspired girls for for generations. Her fierce love for her bosom friend Diana Barry has made girls want to have their own bosom friend just like Diana. Anne's way of finding ''kindred spirits'' in life has always made me look for my own kindred spirits.
Her love of fancy dresses with puffed sleeves always made me want my own dress with puffy sleeves
Of course her love of books and poetry have helped many girls love books, poems and flair for the dramatic side of life. Who didn't want to give a reading at White Sands like Anne did?
Then there is her relationship with Gilbert Blythe. Truthfully, I always felt so sorey ( mispelling on purpose) for poor Gil and his unrequited love of Anne. My favorite parts of the books and movies are the parts with Anne and Gil together. A love for the ages like Darcy and Elizabeth and many other characters before them.
Today's prompt:
Tell us about a favorite character from film, theater, or literature, with whom you’d like to have a heart-to-heart. What would you talk about?
There is a girl and her name is Anne,I fell in love with her when I was twelve years old and she's owned a piece of my heart ever since.
Her red hair, fiery temper, and indomitable spirit have inspired girls for for generations. Her fierce love for her bosom friend Diana Barry has made girls want to have their own bosom friend just like Diana. Anne's way of finding ''kindred spirits'' in life has always made me look for my own kindred spirits.
Her love of fancy dresses with puffed sleeves always made me want my own dress with puffy sleeves
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| Am I ashamed to say I threw a fit for this dress? I love my puffed sleeves |
Then there is her relationship with Gilbert Blythe. Truthfully, I always felt so sorey ( mispelling on purpose) for poor Gil and his unrequited love of Anne. My favorite parts of the books and movies are the parts with Anne and Gil together. A love for the ages like Darcy and Elizabeth and many other characters before them.
Who didn't want a house with green shutters on the windows? I always wanted to live on Prince Edward Island and in Green Gables. Anne helped create a love of all things nature and nicknaming things!
For me the best of all are the words written by L.M Montgomery in the books. I love quoting the character of Anne, I identify so much with her thoughts and ideas. I memorized the books and often have an Anne quote at the ready.Here are a few of my favorites:
"Tomorrow is a new day, fresh with no mistakes in it''
“It's been my experience that you can nearly always enjoy
things if you make up your mind firmly that you will.”
“There's such a lot of different Annes in me. I sometimes
think that is why I'm such a troublesome person. If I was just
the one Anne it would be ever so much more comfortable,
but then it wouldn't be half so interesting.”
Really I could just quote all of the books to you. Instead,I share one or two a week on Twitter and Facebook.
I would love to sit down to tea in Marilla's dining room with Anne. I would drink Raspberry Cordial, not eat the pudding and ask her a million questions. I wouldn't really have to ask her much, I would listen to her prattle on and share. We all know her so well because she tells us about herself throughout the books.
She made me learn that you can overcome, you can succeed, girls are just as smart as boys, don't compromise yourself for anyone, love deeply, make friends, just be yourself and don't care about who is watching.
Oh yeah and dresses with puffed sleeves rock!
If you have NEVER read the Anne of Green Gables books, then shame on you. The good news is that you can read them for free now days, so here is a link to get you started. You will not be sorey
Monday, November 4, 2013
The story of Mr.Fitz and Jules
My phone starts whistling on Saturday afternoons, yes, it is a happy little phone. The reason it is whistling is a text message is blazing across the country from sunny San Clemente, California to crisp East Tennessee. I know who it is and what its about. It's from Fitz and its about football, its our weekly thing of the past few years. It involves good natured ribbing, mostly on his part and my attempt to learn about college football. He watches the ''whiny, overpaid babies of the NFL.'' for me and I try to keep up with the Ducks and Irish for him. Who is the man and why is he so important?
The story of Jim Fitzpatrick and I goes back to sometime around 1983. My older sister Kim was involved in the youth group of our parish St.Bruno's in Whittier, Ca. She would come home talking about the youth minister Jim, I really don't know the details other than our family started participating in events with the youth group. My very first memory of Jim was during a youth camping trip that our family tagged along on. The youth were camping on the beach and we were nestled in our trailer. It started to rain and Jim came busting in, I ended up having to share my bunk with him.
He was a young twenty something, unmarried, trying to get into the fire academy and he became buddies with my Dad. I remember Saturday mornings Jim would come running to our house during his training runs and I would make him an egg in the microwave...no butter, no seasoning, just a scrambled egg in the microwave. It was true friendship that he ate my eggs!
We just had a bond, not sure that bond can be explained outside our mutual admiration society. Since I was seven years old, he has big brother, mentor, confidant and friend. He used to call me his little ''Meggie'' when I was really young. He is really tall and I have always looked up to him and adored him.
The story of Jim Fitzpatrick and I goes back to sometime around 1983. My older sister Kim was involved in the youth group of our parish St.Bruno's in Whittier, Ca. She would come home talking about the youth minister Jim, I really don't know the details other than our family started participating in events with the youth group. My very first memory of Jim was during a youth camping trip that our family tagged along on. The youth were camping on the beach and we were nestled in our trailer. It started to rain and Jim came busting in, I ended up having to share my bunk with him.
He was a young twenty something, unmarried, trying to get into the fire academy and he became buddies with my Dad. I remember Saturday mornings Jim would come running to our house during his training runs and I would make him an egg in the microwave...no butter, no seasoning, just a scrambled egg in the microwave. It was true friendship that he ate my eggs!
We just had a bond, not sure that bond can be explained outside our mutual admiration society. Since I was seven years old, he has big brother, mentor, confidant and friend. He used to call me his little ''Meggie'' when I was really young. He is really tall and I have always looked up to him and adored him.
Jim was a fixture in our house, always popping in and hanging around. He was friend to my Dad, long after he was done being youth minister and friend to me as well. One day, he brought a beautiful young girl with brown hair to our house. I remember that I was jealous, I didn't want her to marry my Fitz!
They did get married and we fell head over heels for Jim's bride Jen. She is beautiful on the inside and out with the voice of an angel. Eventually they would have children and I would become their chief babysitter. I always tell people that Chris my nephew, Kevin and Caiti Fitz were my first children. Kevin and Caiti were my babies before my babies.
We would spend every weekend together. Jim bought a boat, took Jen and I out and taught us to water ski together. Saturday morning's after my Friday night babysitting gigs, he would put me in the driver seat of his blue Nissan truck and taught me to drive stick down Stage Road, patiently teaching me through me jerking us through stops. I will never forget once Jen said to me, ''Jim never goes the same way twice, he is always finding little shortcuts here and there.''
As an adult, my father likes to complain about my driving. He says, '' You never go in a straight line! You always are going a different way'' I always tell him, ''Please forward all complaints to the Fitzpatrick school of driving'' ( or his sister Maggie)
Jen would curl my hair, talk to me about boys and makeup, pick me up from school on Friday's and drive me home. They paid my way through high school with my babysitting money from them!
One day Jim and Jen moved away, I got married, had a baby of my own and moved away myself. We didn't see each other often. Only at family events here and there, weddings and my grandparents funeral. Jen played for my Grandpa's funeral and helped us give a true wake in his honor.
Though he did break my heart at my Grandmas funeral by telling Brianne, my cousin that she was his favorite of the Brown cousins. He always has maintained that is true but that I don't count in that group, I am different!
Then text messaging came along and bridged the gap. Jim took to texting me about football and it has stuck, I love our weekly tete a tete's. I always love when he texts that he is visiting my Dad and staying the night. One of the last things before I moved away was go to stay with Jim and family. He and my Dad didn't want me to move and I know why. Aside from Marty and Conner, they are the two men I love most in this world and it was going to be hard on all of us for me to move.
That last night I spent with the Fitz's was something I will remember for the rest of my life.
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| Mr.Fitz and I, December 2012 |
Thank goodness for college football and the NFL. It doesn't feel like we are far apart at all. Two weeks ago, I did get chastised for not paying attention to the scores of Jim's teams which led to me making a public apology on Instagram to Jim. He loves the social media as much as me, I need to get him a Twitter account!
To know me is to know of my love of Jim. This blog has been a long time coming, I was maybe going to write it next year for his birthday. As we were texting back and forth tonight, it only seemed right to tell you all about him. He makes me laugh, loves me and is truly one of my life long best friends. Everyone who knows me well, knows about Fitz. Even my Dad knows that he shares his friend with me!
Jim knows that I love him, I tell him often just as I know he loves me right back. I've been lucky to call him friend for over thirty years now. Never discount children, I truly maintain that friendship can withstand age gaps, when you have a bond with someone, you just do, age doesn't matter at all!
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| The year I met Jim. I always thought this was a picture of he and I. It is my Dad and I though, Jim was there that day though. |
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| I love my cop husband but I love my fireman friend Fitz too. Three of the loves of my life talking to each other. |
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| All of my babies together. My kids and the Fitz kids 2006 |
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| The best thing Jim ever did is marry beautiful Jen |
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| Jim being Jim, dancing with my Dad on my wedding day |
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| Jen Fitz and I, December 2012 |
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| Jen knows if she sings, '' You are my Sunshine'' that I always cry. My own private concert 2012 |
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| Kevin demonstrating the fire phone. I made many a phone call on that phone during my babysitting years |
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| I love this picture. My Dad and Fitz, two most important men after Marty and Conner |
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| Dancing with Kevin and Caiti on my wedding day |
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| Caiti and I on my wedding day in the famous Princess Di pose |
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| Jim sends me these in texts, just to make me smile and laugh |
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| Kevin and I, 2012 |
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| Caiti and I, 2012 |
Friday, November 1, 2013
NaBloPoMo 2013
It's become my November tradition, dating back to 2007. My friend Di suggested we all join in with the Blogher ladies and do NaBloPoMo. I had never heard of such a thing but once again played follow the leader with Di and joined in. Used to be Andrea,Di and I blogging away for two years and then just Di and I. Now, I stand alone in the NaBloPoMo challenge.
This year, I have actually thought about not blogging. I am busy training eight hours a day, five days a week for the next six weeks for my new job. I am sitting at a computer all day, reading and learning. The last thing I really want to do is blog.
The thing is..........I have been writing several blogs in my head for the last few weeks. Yep, you read the right, I write all of my blogs in my head before I actually publish them. I start the bones of them that way before ever sitting down at the computer. My brain is a fascinating place, it is a like a giant Rolodex of memories and blog ideas.
Along with my photographic memory, I can write a blog and put pictures in it all in my head. For me, this is completely normal until I realized, most people can't tell you every single picture they have by just thinking about it. Last night, I was looking for some Halloween pictures and really wanted one of Elizabeth in a certain costume, I knew that we didn't have a picture of her in that costume though. No need to search, I know exactly what pictures we have and where those pictures are in bins. ( I really need to scan my pictures into my computer, I am so lazy though.)
So anyways, this month I have several blogs lined up to share. I have a few posts that I have been asked to write by an author and an app company. This year, I am actually scared to fail the challenge. I am a purist, I don't write my posts ahead of time, they are written daily during the challenge. I am out of town tomorrow, so this could be challenging in itself. Still working that issue out in my head.
Life has been full lately. Full of learning, living, growing and changing. I hope to share that with you this month. Above all, the labor of love this blog has become is something I want to focus on. It has grown from its early days on Myspace, then switching to Blogger, now its own site which I am thinking of finally transferring over to hosted Wordpress. From maybe five views a blog to over 11,000 hits a month now.
My blogging friends that I started with have quit blogging almost completely. Here I stand, still writing and moving forward. The other night, a huge supporter of this blog actually was encouraging me. Sometimes I wonder, ''why bother? I am only talking about myself most of the time and people must get tired of that.'' but she was telling me that it made a difference and impacted her life. She really built me up and gave me the courage to continue on.
Now I am looking forward to sharing, continuing to be Just Jules and focus on topics that are important to me and my family. I am particularly anxious to share a few stories with you that have impacted my life this year. I hope you will join me on the journey as I attempt to blog everyday in November.
This year, I have actually thought about not blogging. I am busy training eight hours a day, five days a week for the next six weeks for my new job. I am sitting at a computer all day, reading and learning. The last thing I really want to do is blog.
The thing is..........I have been writing several blogs in my head for the last few weeks. Yep, you read the right, I write all of my blogs in my head before I actually publish them. I start the bones of them that way before ever sitting down at the computer. My brain is a fascinating place, it is a like a giant Rolodex of memories and blog ideas.
Along with my photographic memory, I can write a blog and put pictures in it all in my head. For me, this is completely normal until I realized, most people can't tell you every single picture they have by just thinking about it. Last night, I was looking for some Halloween pictures and really wanted one of Elizabeth in a certain costume, I knew that we didn't have a picture of her in that costume though. No need to search, I know exactly what pictures we have and where those pictures are in bins. ( I really need to scan my pictures into my computer, I am so lazy though.)
So anyways, this month I have several blogs lined up to share. I have a few posts that I have been asked to write by an author and an app company. This year, I am actually scared to fail the challenge. I am a purist, I don't write my posts ahead of time, they are written daily during the challenge. I am out of town tomorrow, so this could be challenging in itself. Still working that issue out in my head.
Life has been full lately. Full of learning, living, growing and changing. I hope to share that with you this month. Above all, the labor of love this blog has become is something I want to focus on. It has grown from its early days on Myspace, then switching to Blogger, now its own site which I am thinking of finally transferring over to hosted Wordpress. From maybe five views a blog to over 11,000 hits a month now.
My blogging friends that I started with have quit blogging almost completely. Here I stand, still writing and moving forward. The other night, a huge supporter of this blog actually was encouraging me. Sometimes I wonder, ''why bother? I am only talking about myself most of the time and people must get tired of that.'' but she was telling me that it made a difference and impacted her life. She really built me up and gave me the courage to continue on.
Now I am looking forward to sharing, continuing to be Just Jules and focus on topics that are important to me and my family. I am particularly anxious to share a few stories with you that have impacted my life this year. I hope you will join me on the journey as I attempt to blog everyday in November.
Monday, September 30, 2013
Guest Blog: Single Mom Series, Ashlea's Story
Having so many single mom’s in my life, I was asked by a
Twitter reader to do a highlight on the inspiring stories of single mom’s by my friend Ashela. The answers were so good and thorough that I decide each will get her own blog this week. I think we need to listen to them and try to help them all we can by giving support and encouragement.
How many kids do you have? How long have you been a single
mom? I have boy /girl twins who are almost eight. I
legally separated from their dad four years ago and have been legally divorced
for three years.
What is the hardest thing you face as a single mom? Reconciling “single” and “mom”. I feel many times like these
are two different lives that I lead and they each have their own set of rules
and demands and responsibilities. Usually I’m not Single Ashlea and Mom Ashlea
at the same time.
How do you make time for yourself ? I
am very lucky in that their dad takes them at regular intervals. But during
those times when we go long stretches, me time is found late in the evenings.
And my kids are very used to me telling them that I need 30 minutes to myself.
But yes, sometimes I just want to be able to take a shower alone.
What do you feel people could work on in their reaction to
you being a single mom ? My favorite line is “oh, I wish
I could do whatever I wanted all the time.” Really? The other one I frequently
get is “Must be nice not having to deal with a man every day.” Again, really?
It’s not all fun and games and many times having that extra set of hands or
ears or the reassurance would be so nice.
Why do you think the world judges single mom’s instead of
supporting them? I think, in my case, there is a
societal stigma about divorce. In some cases this is religious in nature, but I
think many people fear that divorce is something that can happen to them and
instead of facing their insecurity in their own life, the choose to judge my
decisions. Unfortunately, women are the absolute worst at bringing each other
down instead of up and most of the judgment I get about my lifestyle comes from
other women.
If there is one thing you wanted people to be aware of what
would it be? How can others be a better support system and encouragement? I think we all need to let mothers off the hook. I think we all do what we can to simply get through. And no I didn’t nurse,didn't make my own baby food, but I do the best I can with the skills I have. I believe this to be
the case with most moms. We need to support moms being moms in whatever why
they are instead of saying “you should…”
What is your biggest discouragement in parenting solely? How do
you encourage yourself to get through those times? Parenting is hard. Really hard. And sometimes yes, it gets
overwhelming doing it on your own. We’re told by society that the best thing we
can do is be a parent. And sometimes it’s the world’s most thankless job. I
miss the other person to bounce things off of, the sanity check. But when
things get really bad (like when I haven’t had an adult conversation in 5 days),
I watch my kids sleep or listen to them talk to each other and I realize that I
can’t mess them up that bad if I just try to do what I can and stop trying to
do what I can’t. They need to see a competent, hard working mom, not a mom
trying to be someone she isn’t.
What is the best thing about being a single mom? Share the
positives you have experienced. Being a single mom has
allowed me to add the words “why not?” into my vocabulary. I have had the
opportunity to figure out who I am as a person, independently. And that’s
something I otherwise would not have done. I have learned that I CAN do things
I would have never tried before. And my kids can do them too. Recently, I have
started rock climbing and stand up paddle boarding. And so have my kids. I
would have never done that before and I would have never though my 7 year olds
could do it either. But why not? It’s astounding to see what I can do and what
they can achieve. And I think my kids seeing me grow and learn and try new
things is the best thing I can do for them.
I would like to point out a couple
of important things. First, I think a lot of this crosses into single parent,
not just single mom. But as this blog is specifically about single moms I have
used that. In my case, I became a single
mom because of a divorce but other reasons for being a single mom are being
widowed or choosing to have a child out of wedlock. My divorce was an agonizing
decision for me and part of that was the fear of the stigma that is attached to
single moms. Women don’t support each other enough and I lost every single
female friend I had during my divorce. Reconciling my single life with my mom
life is very difficult for me. My kids are my center. I know every decision I
make impacts them. And as I have primary custody of them, my routines center
around them. I go to the gym or volunteer during their school hours, I choose
not to work because I feel it is important to be home with them. But when they
go to their dad’s that center is gone. I am then “free” to do whatever I want.
What I notice is that because my routines are disrupted, I tend to feel
extremely unsettled during those times. Advice I get is “oh, just go get a
job.” Like it’s that easy. Where am I
going to find a job that is available just when their dad has them or just when
they are at school? “just get married again”. Ok, I don’t even want to get into
how stupid that one is. “Just find stuff to stay busy” When you’re used to
having your day be taken up with carpool and kids, “finding stuff” isn’t that
easy. “I’d love to be able to have a day to read a book.” Yes, that’s a great
benefit, but I only need that so often.
People don’t get it and they don’t think about what they say to single
parents. There is no easy solution to the feast or famine lifestyle of being a
single person and a mom person.
Beyond the parenting issues I
discussed above, the single piece is very complicated. I had to learn how to
date again, how to do things alone, how to be alone without being lonely. It
has been a long, emotional process. As I said, I lost every friend I had. Some
of them I lost because they were only friends because of the life I led before.
But losing my best friend was a really deep blow. She couldn’t walk in my shoes
and I couldn’t live the same life I led before. My life is so vastly different
that even my best friend and I couldn’t keep it together. I don’t blame her.
I’ve changed as was dictated by my changing life and she didn’t need to make
the same changes in hers.
I will say that being a single mom
has been really great for me in terms of personal growth. I am able to show my
kids an independent, strong, stable (most of the time) woman who faces the good
times and the bad with an ever growing skill set. Sometimes I fail and many
times it’s hard. But I get out of the bed every morning and face the day. And I
do it on my own terms and on my own two feet. That is a great role model for my
daughter because she learns that women really can do things alone. It’s a great
role model for my son because he sees that women are to be respected, that
women are strong, and that women can have fun. And for both of them I hope my
life teaches them to embrace things outside social programming. I hope they are
better able to evaluate what they want in their lives instead of only accepting
what our society tells them they should want.
Thank you Ashlea for the idea and for writing a great piece. I appreciate your honest answers and insight.
Monday, September 9, 2013
Goodbye 36, Hello 37
I usually write this on September 10, but some events this morning have lead me to write this today.
Every year, I fight the birthday blues. Since 9/11/01 I have struggled with this battle of depression and funk from August to September. Two years, I have done really well and learned some coping tools to help me fight the funk. It is the sole reason I write ''Music that Takes Me Back'' series on this blog, it is a way of keeping my focus.
My new goal in striving to be vulnerable on this blog and transparent, I will honestly share that this year I have struggled fighting that funk. I have been in introspective mode for over a month and let a lot of really minor things eat at me. There have been a couple of major things as well that led me to my usual, '' I hate my birthday and EVERY year something bad happens.'' That isn't true but in my mind that is where I go. Thankfully with the help of my friend's Joel and Kay, I was on a great track of positive thinking until last Friday. We got some news about our new insurance payments and Marty's pay that really just threw me into a pit of wallow, worry and sadness.
My true calling in life is serving others and loving others. This year my service of others has called me into a difficult friendship that has challenged me. I committed to praying for a friend and recently that friend was injured severely and that has left me pretty devastated. I really haven't been able to share that due to respect for privacy and anonymity. It has been a burdened carried in silence. I have also seen other friends struggling with parents falling ill, family struggles, health issues and many other issues. I have been bearing a lot of burdens, I am strong and can handle it, I just sometimes need to share that I need lifting up too.
This year saw us accomplish a major goal of almost twenty years, we moved out of California and started a new adventure. Things have gone very well with virtually no setbacks. Really the only setback has been Elizabeth's struggle to make friends and this recent financial blow. Other than that, it has gone amazingly well for us.
Here is what I learned from my self assessment of the last several months:
I have learned that I over react, sometimes in a really ugly way and really am trying to work on that. I am a bit like Steve Martin in Father of the Bride. I think Marty was about ready to throw me out of the truck on the way to work this morning.
I worry far to much about the little things, I already knew this but it has been maginified recently and I am working on not sweating the small stuff. I remember in the not so distant future thinking Marty was going to die and living in such a dark place. Life is good everyday we are alive! Our lives have been so much worse and I have always overcome. I have overcome more in my life than some overcome in an entire lifetime, I am a testimony to resilience and need to show that to others.
Being independent is a good thing but sometimes you need to lean on others. I have become so used to vaulting others secrets and burdens that I started not sharing my own. So many have heavy weight to carry, that I don't want to burden anyone else. So I just clammed up and that isn't good. I recently have started confiding in more and being completely transparent with a few friends.
I have let others opinions and thoughts about my move eat away at me. Instead of not worrying, I have taken those negative thoughts on as my own burden. I cannot fix it for them or make it better, I just have to know they will deal with it in their own time
This morning, I started the day crying. I just was deep in the funk and dreading this week. I let the little things add up and just contributed it to my annual birthday ''curse'' and Marty was done with it. He and Andrea bear the brunt of this every year and they both try their best to snap me out of it and I pretty much let them down.
I heard this song in the car this morning, reminding me I am an ''Overcomer'' and have overcome so many huge obstacles in life.
I was working on positive thinking when I opened my Twitter and saw this:
Forty is starting to loom closer and I have set some big goals for myself to achieve. It is a few years off but I am telling you to keep myself accountable:
Stop worrying about what others think about me. Just be myself and if someone doesn't like it, then move on and forward. If someone doesn't like what I say or do, that is their problem not my problem.
Stop living in introspection and putting life into action
Get these last 70lbs off for good.
Go back to school. I think that I have finally decided that I want to be a nurse midwife and go back to working in labor and delivery at the very least. This is a long term goal that will take several years to accomplish but next year, I am going to start the foundations.
I have two books to write and I need to write them. Instead of putting it off, I am just going to start doing it. I have stories that need to be told and shared with many people. This blog is a great start but I want to put it in print. We can all see God doing something with the crazy things that happen to me in life and I want to share that with the world...well I already do that don't I?
So here is to making 37 the working year, working for these goals, working with Marty and the kids toward building our future in Tennessee. Focusing on the positive and eliminating the negative.
Thanks to everyone who has been helping me through the past month and letting me lean on them while I have been working it out. We all fall down sometimes and with the help of our friends we get up again! Here is to a great year.
One reason I write the birthday blog series is because I believe in the power of building others up and lifting others up. I love my friends and family, I want the world to know the wonderful people in my life and share them. Making people feel good and important is huge, there is so much power in kindness and treating others as you want to be treated yourself. That came back to me this morning, always so good to have it come back and remind me to keep going forward with that mission in life. My outlook is: ''This life is not about me, it is about self sacrifice and serving God through loving others''
Every year, I fight the birthday blues. Since 9/11/01 I have struggled with this battle of depression and funk from August to September. Two years, I have done really well and learned some coping tools to help me fight the funk. It is the sole reason I write ''Music that Takes Me Back'' series on this blog, it is a way of keeping my focus.
My new goal in striving to be vulnerable on this blog and transparent, I will honestly share that this year I have struggled fighting that funk. I have been in introspective mode for over a month and let a lot of really minor things eat at me. There have been a couple of major things as well that led me to my usual, '' I hate my birthday and EVERY year something bad happens.'' That isn't true but in my mind that is where I go. Thankfully with the help of my friend's Joel and Kay, I was on a great track of positive thinking until last Friday. We got some news about our new insurance payments and Marty's pay that really just threw me into a pit of wallow, worry and sadness.
My true calling in life is serving others and loving others. This year my service of others has called me into a difficult friendship that has challenged me. I committed to praying for a friend and recently that friend was injured severely and that has left me pretty devastated. I really haven't been able to share that due to respect for privacy and anonymity. It has been a burdened carried in silence. I have also seen other friends struggling with parents falling ill, family struggles, health issues and many other issues. I have been bearing a lot of burdens, I am strong and can handle it, I just sometimes need to share that I need lifting up too.
This year saw us accomplish a major goal of almost twenty years, we moved out of California and started a new adventure. Things have gone very well with virtually no setbacks. Really the only setback has been Elizabeth's struggle to make friends and this recent financial blow. Other than that, it has gone amazingly well for us.
Here is what I learned from my self assessment of the last several months:
I have learned that I over react, sometimes in a really ugly way and really am trying to work on that. I am a bit like Steve Martin in Father of the Bride. I think Marty was about ready to throw me out of the truck on the way to work this morning.
I worry far to much about the little things, I already knew this but it has been maginified recently and I am working on not sweating the small stuff. I remember in the not so distant future thinking Marty was going to die and living in such a dark place. Life is good everyday we are alive! Our lives have been so much worse and I have always overcome. I have overcome more in my life than some overcome in an entire lifetime, I am a testimony to resilience and need to show that to others.
Being independent is a good thing but sometimes you need to lean on others. I have become so used to vaulting others secrets and burdens that I started not sharing my own. So many have heavy weight to carry, that I don't want to burden anyone else. So I just clammed up and that isn't good. I recently have started confiding in more and being completely transparent with a few friends.
I have let others opinions and thoughts about my move eat away at me. Instead of not worrying, I have taken those negative thoughts on as my own burden. I cannot fix it for them or make it better, I just have to know they will deal with it in their own time
This morning, I started the day crying. I just was deep in the funk and dreading this week. I let the little things add up and just contributed it to my annual birthday ''curse'' and Marty was done with it. He and Andrea bear the brunt of this every year and they both try their best to snap me out of it and I pretty much let them down.
I heard this song in the car this morning, reminding me I am an ''Overcomer'' and have overcome so many huge obstacles in life.
I was working on positive thinking when I opened my Twitter and saw this:
A young boy Conner's age named Luke did that for me. It was such a sweet gesture from not only Luke but my all time favorite cyclist Jens. It made me smile, forget and let go, because if Jens Voigt says then it is so. He is one of the most inspiring forty year old's I know and truly someone who buries himself for others expecting nothing in return for himself. He is a happy go lucky guy and truly someone I look up to. It was an instant reminder of who I want to be and who I really am. Two men doing something nice for me for no reason at all. It was one of those moments that I reaped and was blessed.
Forty is starting to loom closer and I have set some big goals for myself to achieve. It is a few years off but I am telling you to keep myself accountable:
Stop worrying about what others think about me. Just be myself and if someone doesn't like it, then move on and forward. If someone doesn't like what I say or do, that is their problem not my problem.
Stop living in introspection and putting life into action
Get these last 70lbs off for good.
Go back to school. I think that I have finally decided that I want to be a nurse midwife and go back to working in labor and delivery at the very least. This is a long term goal that will take several years to accomplish but next year, I am going to start the foundations.
I have two books to write and I need to write them. Instead of putting it off, I am just going to start doing it. I have stories that need to be told and shared with many people. This blog is a great start but I want to put it in print. We can all see God doing something with the crazy things that happen to me in life and I want to share that with the world...well I already do that don't I?
So here is to making 37 the working year, working for these goals, working with Marty and the kids toward building our future in Tennessee. Focusing on the positive and eliminating the negative.
Thanks to everyone who has been helping me through the past month and letting me lean on them while I have been working it out. We all fall down sometimes and with the help of our friends we get up again! Here is to a great year.
One reason I write the birthday blog series is because I believe in the power of building others up and lifting others up. I love my friends and family, I want the world to know the wonderful people in my life and share them. Making people feel good and important is huge, there is so much power in kindness and treating others as you want to be treated yourself. That came back to me this morning, always so good to have it come back and remind me to keep going forward with that mission in life. My outlook is: ''This life is not about me, it is about self sacrifice and serving God through loving others''
Monday, August 26, 2013
MTTMB: And the First Becomes the Last
Time has arrived to wind this series down, I added a couple songs and extended the series unintentionally. Inspiring and Empowered women to be shared and enough talking about myself (ha!) for a few weeks. I've only briefly shared about these two songs before and wanted to write about them for the series.
When I was a little girl, my Dad rocked me to sleep every night in our white rocking chair. He would hold us tightly and sing two songs, after telling us the story of ''Orangeylocks and the Three Purple Bears'' his version of Goldilocks. Every night, it was the same three songs over and over, the standard ''Rock-a-bye Baby'' and then two of his favorites.
The first song was only a few bars, or so I remember. My aunts always say, ''the girls fell asleep out of self defense'' so he may have sang more and I don't remember because I quickly fell asleep. The first bar is always in my head, ''I hear the whipporwhills whispering above, Tammy, Tammy, Tammy's in love'' he would sing the theme song from ''Tammy'' to us every night.
I never watched the Tammy movies until a few years ago.I finally found them on TMC and stayed up all night watching them all. I love those movies but moreso I love the song because it reminds me of being rocked to sleep every night.
The signature rocking song was one that I am sure he grew up hearing as well. My Gramps had a love of Gene Autry, he was his hero and he loved all things associated with Gene. So this song reminds me of both Dad and Gramps. Everynight this was the sign off song, if I didn't fall asleep to Tammy, this was the song I heard. ''From this valley they say you're going, I will miss your bright eyes and sweet smile''
It was such an important song, it is the song he danced with my sister Carrie to at her first wedding. There wasn't a dry eye in the room including Dad's because he had no clue she had picked that song to dance to. It was a wonderful moment that we will remember forever.
"But remember the Red River Valley and the cowboy who loved you so true''
So as I have now put you all to sleep, I hope you've enjoyed the trip down memory lane with me and learning more about my life. This series is something I look forward to all year long and is truly something that has helped me overcome my pre-birthday anxiety. Looking forward to the second installment in the inspiring women series on the 28th.
When I was a little girl, my Dad rocked me to sleep every night in our white rocking chair. He would hold us tightly and sing two songs, after telling us the story of ''Orangeylocks and the Three Purple Bears'' his version of Goldilocks. Every night, it was the same three songs over and over, the standard ''Rock-a-bye Baby'' and then two of his favorites.
The first song was only a few bars, or so I remember. My aunts always say, ''the girls fell asleep out of self defense'' so he may have sang more and I don't remember because I quickly fell asleep. The first bar is always in my head, ''I hear the whipporwhills whispering above, Tammy, Tammy, Tammy's in love'' he would sing the theme song from ''Tammy'' to us every night.
I never watched the Tammy movies until a few years ago.I finally found them on TMC and stayed up all night watching them all. I love those movies but moreso I love the song because it reminds me of being rocked to sleep every night.
The signature rocking song was one that I am sure he grew up hearing as well. My Gramps had a love of Gene Autry, he was his hero and he loved all things associated with Gene. So this song reminds me of both Dad and Gramps. Everynight this was the sign off song, if I didn't fall asleep to Tammy, this was the song I heard. ''From this valley they say you're going, I will miss your bright eyes and sweet smile''
It was such an important song, it is the song he danced with my sister Carrie to at her first wedding. There wasn't a dry eye in the room including Dad's because he had no clue she had picked that song to dance to. It was a wonderful moment that we will remember forever.
"But remember the Red River Valley and the cowboy who loved you so true''
So as I have now put you all to sleep, I hope you've enjoyed the trip down memory lane with me and learning more about my life. This series is something I look forward to all year long and is truly something that has helped me overcome my pre-birthday anxiety. Looking forward to the second installment in the inspiring women series on the 28th.
Tuesday, August 13, 2013
MTTB Series: The Name Game
Deanna Fanna Bofanna fe fi fo fanna, this blog is for you
Everyday in high school,I would sing this song to my good friend Deanna. It was our little game, one of many that have with several different friends. You see, I have this thing......I am a serial nicknamer. I love to have nicknames for my friends.
My friend Staci is ''Foxy Momma''
My cousin Brianne is ''B-Annie''
My NKOTB friends. '' LL Fancy'', ''KTDQ'', ''MM'' ''LS" and the famous ''A2''
Twitter friends have a million different nicknames. I call my fitness accountability girls ''Momma'' but I cannot take the credit for that one.
The list goes on and on...........I have a million nicknames for Elizabeth. The whole using the initial thing was actually something I picked up from my friend AB.
When I meet someone, I vary rarely forget their name or face. This can be awkward at best because most people aren't good with names and faces. Very often, I just pretend like I don't know someone if they don't remember me when we meet again. Lately, the customers at FIG and Co., get shocked when I remember them and their purchases. They love that I remember them and it makes them feel special.
This is attributed to two things in my brain, one being my super memory. My memory is like a giant Rolodex and photographic. It is easy for me to remember names and faces, I didn't ever know this was strange until I was an adult.
Second, coming from a large family. You automatically have to remember a lot of names when you're in a large family. My family is all very good with names and faces, we remember each others friends and extended families as well.
Not sure where I picked up this nickname habit. I think it is a way for my brain to remember large numbers of people and make people feel special at the same time.
I hear this song and automatically think of Deanna and our wonderful high school days. What a special time that brings back fond memories. I heard this song the other day and knew that it had to be part of the MTTB series.
Have fun singing along. Hit me up and challenge me, I am pretty good at this game!
Monday, August 12, 2013
MTTB Series: My Second Signature Song
Sometime between 1992 and 1993, when I was heavily listening to KROQ in L.A., I fell in love with this song. It has become a song that when people hear it, they think of me. My obsession with this song is legendary much to the chagrin of some folk. In fact, the legendary hater of this song is Rob, my friend Lindsey's husband who hates it with a passion. This blog is dedicated to him!
''Too Ra Loo Ra'' the strains of an Irish song mixed with New Wave 80's goodness. What more could a song need? A video with men dancing on the street corner in their overalls? Hello love! this song made me fall hard and fast for its catchy tune and I was ''humming this tune forevermore'' ( I changed the grammar of the lyric to suit myself there)
This song just makes me inexplicably happy! It is kind of like my first favorite song ''Everybody Wants to Rule the World'' when people hear it, they message me, call me or think of me. This song is a song that everyone knows I love.
The beat makes me happy the minute I hear the opening, makes me want to get up and dance.Imagine my shock when my friend Rob said he hates this song! How could anyone hate this song? There is something wrong if you hate cheesy, 80's British new wave! It's a crime against New Wave.
A few years ago, I bought my kids a sing along game on the Playstation just because this song and EWTRTW were on the game. Imagine my surprise when I read one of the lyrics, I had no clue what they said in some places. It made me start paying closer attention to the music I listen to and what the lyrics really say.
I wonder if anyone can guess my favorite line in this song? I highly doubt it and I probably wouldn't confess it even if you did!
It has been twenty minutes of listening to this song on loop. Last fall my boss Kyler put this song on the Lunchbox playlist for me. I listened to it at least ten times a day for months and never got tired of it. Now I am gone and when they hear it, they think of me. One of my little calling cards in life.
''At this moment, you mean everything'' that is how I feel about this song. It means everything and nothing to me all at the same time. Just a happy go lucky tune that fits my personality well!
''Too Ra Loo Ra'' the strains of an Irish song mixed with New Wave 80's goodness. What more could a song need? A video with men dancing on the street corner in their overalls? Hello love! this song made me fall hard and fast for its catchy tune and I was ''humming this tune forevermore'' ( I changed the grammar of the lyric to suit myself there)
This song just makes me inexplicably happy! It is kind of like my first favorite song ''Everybody Wants to Rule the World'' when people hear it, they message me, call me or think of me. This song is a song that everyone knows I love.
The beat makes me happy the minute I hear the opening, makes me want to get up and dance.Imagine my shock when my friend Rob said he hates this song! How could anyone hate this song? There is something wrong if you hate cheesy, 80's British new wave! It's a crime against New Wave.
A few years ago, I bought my kids a sing along game on the Playstation just because this song and EWTRTW were on the game. Imagine my surprise when I read one of the lyrics, I had no clue what they said in some places. It made me start paying closer attention to the music I listen to and what the lyrics really say.
I wonder if anyone can guess my favorite line in this song? I highly doubt it and I probably wouldn't confess it even if you did!
It has been twenty minutes of listening to this song on loop. Last fall my boss Kyler put this song on the Lunchbox playlist for me. I listened to it at least ten times a day for months and never got tired of it. Now I am gone and when they hear it, they think of me. One of my little calling cards in life.
''At this moment, you mean everything'' that is how I feel about this song. It means everything and nothing to me all at the same time. Just a happy go lucky tune that fits my personality well!
Friday, August 9, 2013
The Vault
I have this funny nickname given to me by several friends, they call me ''The Vault'' because of my listening skills and super memory. A few years ago, Elizabeth said, '' Momma, people always like to talk to you. You make them feel better.'' At the time she was eight or nine years old, it caused me to pause and think about her statement. She is right, people like to talk to me, they feel safe talking to me and I can easily lock away their secrets safely.
Being a talker, you would think that I couldn't be a good listener. The thing is, I like talking about someone else other than myself all the time. Listening is a skill that causes me to look outside of myself and pause for a moment. It really is a skill that is important in life, far more important than talking all of the time.
Once people found out that I am the vault, they have tried to pry me open and get my secrets to spill. I am lock tight and very rarely spill. My friend said the other day, ''You're like the safety depository at the bank. Lots of little boxes in the vault.'' It is one of the benefits of my crazy memory that serves others well.
Some have asked if it gets wearing? It depends, sometimes it does get tough when someone is struggling with something really heavy. Because I am tenderhearted , I will often cry with the person and feel their pain in an empathetic way. When my friends and family are hurting, I am hurting as well. That is who I am as a person and I really don't want to change that about myself. I think that is the way it should be!
The funny thing about me being the vault...........I rarely confide in anyone myself. This year, I started realizing that I am not one to open up and share my struggles. I am a person who bears the weight of her own burdens along with the burdens of others. I am working on confiding in others and sharing some of my own burdens instead of carrying them myself.
I may be a crybaby, sob sister, tender heart but I am one tough mama. I've lived a lot of life starting at a very young age, I have been through stuff that many people would have crumbled under. This life experience, though I often wish it wasn't mine to share is something that makes me a better person and friend.
There have been a few occasions that I have failed at being the vault. One incident two years ago, a burden of a friend became public and caused me much heartache. I had tried to help the friend but the people who knew the burden wouldn't help then when things came to light, everyone was mad at me for not ratting out my friend. It led to me needing to end the friendship because I couldn't handle the fallout associated with it. Not something I do and still something that hurts my heart. I learned a valuable lesson in that case and there was more to it than I can share.
Thankfully those instances are few and far between. I pray for those burdens that I put in my vault, I don't just listen and file away. It is like having a giant rolodex of prayer requests and I love bearing those burdens in love. It is a privilege, a God given gift in my eyes and being able to bear someone else's burden is a precious treasure. Bearing one another's burdens is something the world needs to do more.
Proverbs17:17 A friend loves at all times,
and a brother is born for a time of adversity.
I heard this song as I was writing and it goes very well with my blog and thoughts on being a friend
Being a talker, you would think that I couldn't be a good listener. The thing is, I like talking about someone else other than myself all the time. Listening is a skill that causes me to look outside of myself and pause for a moment. It really is a skill that is important in life, far more important than talking all of the time.
Once people found out that I am the vault, they have tried to pry me open and get my secrets to spill. I am lock tight and very rarely spill. My friend said the other day, ''You're like the safety depository at the bank. Lots of little boxes in the vault.'' It is one of the benefits of my crazy memory that serves others well.
Some have asked if it gets wearing? It depends, sometimes it does get tough when someone is struggling with something really heavy. Because I am tenderhearted , I will often cry with the person and feel their pain in an empathetic way. When my friends and family are hurting, I am hurting as well. That is who I am as a person and I really don't want to change that about myself. I think that is the way it should be!
The funny thing about me being the vault...........I rarely confide in anyone myself. This year, I started realizing that I am not one to open up and share my struggles. I am a person who bears the weight of her own burdens along with the burdens of others. I am working on confiding in others and sharing some of my own burdens instead of carrying them myself.
I may be a crybaby, sob sister, tender heart but I am one tough mama. I've lived a lot of life starting at a very young age, I have been through stuff that many people would have crumbled under. This life experience, though I often wish it wasn't mine to share is something that makes me a better person and friend.
There have been a few occasions that I have failed at being the vault. One incident two years ago, a burden of a friend became public and caused me much heartache. I had tried to help the friend but the people who knew the burden wouldn't help then when things came to light, everyone was mad at me for not ratting out my friend. It led to me needing to end the friendship because I couldn't handle the fallout associated with it. Not something I do and still something that hurts my heart. I learned a valuable lesson in that case and there was more to it than I can share.
Thankfully those instances are few and far between. I pray for those burdens that I put in my vault, I don't just listen and file away. It is like having a giant rolodex of prayer requests and I love bearing those burdens in love. It is a privilege, a God given gift in my eyes and being able to bear someone else's burden is a precious treasure. Bearing one another's burdens is something the world needs to do more.
Proverbs17:17 A friend loves at all times,
and a brother is born for a time of adversity.
I heard this song as I was writing and it goes very well with my blog and thoughts on being a friend
Thursday, August 1, 2013
Music That Takes Me Back Series: Chains of Love
For the last two years in August, I have written a series of blogs about the music that I love. You know that song you hear that transports you back to a certain time and place? The minute you hear it, your mind wanders back to how old you were? Where you were? Who was with you? Those songs that make up the fabric of your past. I love choosing the songs and reminiscing about them on my blog. This year, I am also sharing the month of August with inspiring women. I wanted to write a series about women who inspire me and share them with my readers. I have a few blogs lined up as well as a guest blog or two.
''How can I explain, when there are few words I can choose?"
The minute I hear this song, I am immediately transported back to the summer of 1988. I was living in a apartment in Fullerton,Ca with my mom, sister Carrie and nephew Chris. We didn't have much but we had MTV which was my favorite thing to watch. My best friend Abbie lived in the same apartment complex and we would dance around listening to these songs while reading ELLE and talking about fashion.
This was the summer my friend Christena introduced me to my first boyfriend Randy. It was quite an eventful summer for me. First boyfriend, the summer before eight grade, the same year I fell in love with Joe Mc Intyre and New Kids on the Block. It was truly the epitome of being twelve years old in the summer time, '' Days would last forever'' swimming, hanging out with friends, watching MTV and talking on the phone for hours on end.
As the years have waned on, I can tell you this is the first song that ''brought me back'' it was the first song I would hear and immediately be transported back in time. ''Do you remember there was a time?'' that line takes me places and makes me smile.
I love the way this song makes me feel when it comes on. I would venture to say it is the reason this whole series exsists. I can wait to take a journey back this month and reminisce, one of my favorite things to do. I hope you come along on the journey with me.
''How can I explain, when there are few words I can choose?"
The minute I hear this song, I am immediately transported back to the summer of 1988. I was living in a apartment in Fullerton,Ca with my mom, sister Carrie and nephew Chris. We didn't have much but we had MTV which was my favorite thing to watch. My best friend Abbie lived in the same apartment complex and we would dance around listening to these songs while reading ELLE and talking about fashion.
This was the summer my friend Christena introduced me to my first boyfriend Randy. It was quite an eventful summer for me. First boyfriend, the summer before eight grade, the same year I fell in love with Joe Mc Intyre and New Kids on the Block. It was truly the epitome of being twelve years old in the summer time, '' Days would last forever'' swimming, hanging out with friends, watching MTV and talking on the phone for hours on end.
As the years have waned on, I can tell you this is the first song that ''brought me back'' it was the first song I would hear and immediately be transported back in time. ''Do you remember there was a time?'' that line takes me places and makes me smile.
I love the way this song makes me feel when it comes on. I would venture to say it is the reason this whole series exsists. I can wait to take a journey back this month and reminisce, one of my favorite things to do. I hope you come along on the journey with me.
Monday, May 6, 2013
"You're So Weird''
When I named this blog, I named it Just Jules for a reason; I am just Julie being Julie, I've never been one to conform to the norm. Over and over the same phrase is repeated to me, so much so its become my catch phrase, '' Julie, you're so weird!''
For a long time, I struggled to understand why I was so different? I didn't realize that all little girls didn't read books about Princess Di over books about Super Fudge. Or when most girls my age(9) were listening to Madonna and I was listening to Tears for Fears, I had no clue I was different? My after school reading material was ''The Fitzgerald's and the Kennedy's'' before I was reading Bop.
What do you mean its weird to not like baked fruit? my cousin Sarah agrees with me, baked fruit is so gross! Who wants to eat a hot, cooked apple? Not me.
To me this is all really normal, nothing out of the norm. I tend to forget that other girls who liked New Kids on the Block really and truly liked pop music. I never really was a fan of pop music outside of this one act, I was more in it for the boys per say.
Other girls in high school were shopping at Charlotte Russe, The Limited and Gap. Instead, I was out searching thrift stores for vintage clothes and wearing plaid skirts while dyeing my hair bright red. To me it was normal and fun to be different.
I always have preferred to watch old movies, read historical books over new works. I have always been told by my Dad that I was born in the wrong time. I am an old soul in so many ways. Singers and standards, musicals, punk, and the Cure make me happy
Who knew I had a weird memory skill that most others don't?
My sense of humor is warped ( some may say non existent), I have a nervous laugh, take life way to seriously and have a huge, tenderheart. I've had a strong faith ever since I was a very young girl, its something that has always been there as long as I can remember. One of my best friends calls my strong gut feelings, sixth sense my ''spidey sense'', I always listen to my gut feelings and sometimes have to share some of those with friends about things in their lives. I prefer to call it a ''the gift of discernment''
I prefer to watch pro cycling ( there is a story and reason behind that), I have a weird view on celebrity thanks to living on the other side with friends, I don't have many people on pedestals to me we are all going through this crazy life and are equals.
I homeschooled my kids for many reasons, I moved across country to help a friend, I would rather stay home with my family than go out. I think being a wife, mom, daughter, cousin and friend is the world's most important job.
To me all of those things are normal. I am so not cool and totally okay with that! Truthfully, I don't want to conform or be normal. I like being different, its is what makes me...me. I have absolutely no desire to be anyone different than me. I always am striving to be better, change and grow but not to conform to the patterns of the world.
So the next time you call me weird? Just know to me, its a badge of honor.
For a long time, I struggled to understand why I was so different? I didn't realize that all little girls didn't read books about Princess Di over books about Super Fudge. Or when most girls my age(9) were listening to Madonna and I was listening to Tears for Fears, I had no clue I was different? My after school reading material was ''The Fitzgerald's and the Kennedy's'' before I was reading Bop.
What do you mean its weird to not like baked fruit? my cousin Sarah agrees with me, baked fruit is so gross! Who wants to eat a hot, cooked apple? Not me.
To me this is all really normal, nothing out of the norm. I tend to forget that other girls who liked New Kids on the Block really and truly liked pop music. I never really was a fan of pop music outside of this one act, I was more in it for the boys per say.
Other girls in high school were shopping at Charlotte Russe, The Limited and Gap. Instead, I was out searching thrift stores for vintage clothes and wearing plaid skirts while dyeing my hair bright red. To me it was normal and fun to be different.
I always have preferred to watch old movies, read historical books over new works. I have always been told by my Dad that I was born in the wrong time. I am an old soul in so many ways. Singers and standards, musicals, punk, and the Cure make me happy
Who knew I had a weird memory skill that most others don't?
My sense of humor is warped ( some may say non existent), I have a nervous laugh, take life way to seriously and have a huge, tenderheart. I've had a strong faith ever since I was a very young girl, its something that has always been there as long as I can remember. One of my best friends calls my strong gut feelings, sixth sense my ''spidey sense'', I always listen to my gut feelings and sometimes have to share some of those with friends about things in their lives. I prefer to call it a ''the gift of discernment''
I prefer to watch pro cycling ( there is a story and reason behind that), I have a weird view on celebrity thanks to living on the other side with friends, I don't have many people on pedestals to me we are all going through this crazy life and are equals.
I homeschooled my kids for many reasons, I moved across country to help a friend, I would rather stay home with my family than go out. I think being a wife, mom, daughter, cousin and friend is the world's most important job.
To me all of those things are normal. I am so not cool and totally okay with that! Truthfully, I don't want to conform or be normal. I like being different, its is what makes me...me. I have absolutely no desire to be anyone different than me. I always am striving to be better, change and grow but not to conform to the patterns of the world.
So the next time you call me weird? Just know to me, its a badge of honor.
Friday, May 3, 2013
Around the Table Memories are Made
Today I was moving a rug from under a table, a simple task that brought back a flood of memories. Sitting around the table was and is a huge deal in my family. A visit to family means sitting at the table, talking, reminiscing playing games and laughter. If you ever visited my grandparents house, chances are you sat at their table and chatted. If not, let me take you on a journey 'round the table where memories were made.
It started even before I was born, here is my dad at the table of some family occasion;
Birthday's round the table were a favorite of mine. Here I am celebrating my 16th birthday at the picnic table outback. We had two large picnic tables at Grandma and Grandpa's that were used year round.
This next picture was my 18th birthday. Three months later, I would sit in the very same seat shaking like a leaf as I announced my engagement to Marty. I remember staring at the lace tablecloth scared of the reaction that would come.
It started even before I was born, here is my dad at the table of some family occasion;
My Grandpa,KanKad and Gramie ( paternal and maternal grandparents, they were good friends) celebrating a birthday around the table. My Grandparents were friends and did a lot together
My first birthday at my Grandma's table with Grandma looking on. This was the ONLY time we were every allowed on Grandma's table. One of her sayings was ''Tables are for glasses, not for little @@@es''
Sitting on my Grandma's lap at her table
Playing under Grandma's table was a favorite of my cousin's and I. We would lift the tablecloth, crawl under and imagine our own little worlds. We played casino with poker chips, post office, grocery store for hours on end. Once, I had the bright idea that we should move Grandma's table and the rug under it to play ice rink on the wood floors. I will NEVER forget the wrath of grandma after that incident, lets just say we didn't ever do that again.
My grandparents had five tables in their home. One in the kitchen where you often found grandma and grandpa sitting during the day. One in the living room where we sat as kids and watched MTV. The dining room table that was the buffet on holidays, the place we sat and sang Christmas carols and oldies, the place we played Trivial Pursuit and Encore.
 |
| Grandma and Grandpa round the table celebrating their 40th birthday |
The same table would later hold the food for my bridal shower followed a year and a half later by a baby shower for me.
Our family would later plan care for my grandparents round the table, then the table held food for two funerals eight weeks apart. We would cry and reminisce at the table for months to come. Then the table moved to my aunt's house where it now hosts holidays, family dinners and most importantly this
Baby Drew playing under Grandma's table
This weekend when our family visited my uncle Bill's house, we sat around his table playing games, eating, talking and laughing. Making memories around the table to reminisce about for years to come. A couple of years ago, I asked a friend to make a sign for me. Above my table when you come to visit, there will be a sign that says, "Around the Table Memories are Made''
Come visit, we will make some memories around my table just like the memories I have from many years sitting around my grandmother's table.
Sunday, April 14, 2013
The Floater
The floater floats around the room, talking to everyone gleaning little bits of conversation from here and there. Floaters notice the person in the corner, instead of walking past, the floater approaches them with confidence and ease. I am the floater.
I think it is safe to say, that I march to the beat of my own drum. When I titled my blog ''Just Jules", I meant every meaning of the saying. I am just me with no inclinations to conform to any patterns of this world, I just want to be the best me possible instead. Here's the thing, I know that I am different but I like being different!
Truthfully, it wasn't until I slammed into the adult world in my 20's that I started to realize that I was different. Socially I have tons of friends ( too many if you ask those closest to me, they have given up trying to keep up) and never thought that socially I was different.
It wasn't until I was in a small setting that I realized.........I don't like groups of friends. I am fine if you're in a group of friends, I just don't like the trying to fit into the group part. I am more happy to watch groups of friends do their thing but will never push to be a part of the group. Once in my twenties, I tried to worm my way into a group of friends with disastrous results. Actually, I think the results aside from the bad parts were good for me. I then realized, I like being the floater.
As I started to talk with my high school friends as adults, I realized that I knew far more people than others. It was then that I realized the benefits of my floating ways, I get to know more people outside the scope of a circle and broaden my horizons. Maybe at one point, I was on the outside wall but instead decided that floating around worked better than standing around?
It's not always easy being the floater, sometimes I struggle with it. Especially when I see groups planning fun gatherings or meet ups. I am never one to invite myself and would rather miss out than doing so. We always have something to work on as humans and this is one thing I should work on. I always feel like a pest or beggar when I do, I really have no desire to be either of those.
Floating has brought me much happiness, many gems have come from dancing around the room unaware of the groups within. I meet so many wonderful people that way, talking, listening and sometimes scaling the walls of people who are socially uncomfortable. I prefer one on one conversation, I don't like having to talk over others. One of my acquaintences always tells me, " you're deep water'' and that is the truth. I prefer the heavy duty conversations. My odd sense of humor isn't the norm and is often lost on others, so I prefer to stay deep, I like deep and know it well.
I truly doubt, that I will ever give up my floater ways and conform. I like being the floater even though, sometimes its hard. Really, I like doing my own thing which is often doing things with Marty and the kids instead of trying to do things with others. That's another blog for another day......
If you want to find me, I will be the one flitting and floating around. I am always easy to find!
I think it is safe to say, that I march to the beat of my own drum. When I titled my blog ''Just Jules", I meant every meaning of the saying. I am just me with no inclinations to conform to any patterns of this world, I just want to be the best me possible instead. Here's the thing, I know that I am different but I like being different!
Truthfully, it wasn't until I slammed into the adult world in my 20's that I started to realize that I was different. Socially I have tons of friends ( too many if you ask those closest to me, they have given up trying to keep up) and never thought that socially I was different.
It wasn't until I was in a small setting that I realized.........I don't like groups of friends. I am fine if you're in a group of friends, I just don't like the trying to fit into the group part. I am more happy to watch groups of friends do their thing but will never push to be a part of the group. Once in my twenties, I tried to worm my way into a group of friends with disastrous results. Actually, I think the results aside from the bad parts were good for me. I then realized, I like being the floater.
As I started to talk with my high school friends as adults, I realized that I knew far more people than others. It was then that I realized the benefits of my floating ways, I get to know more people outside the scope of a circle and broaden my horizons. Maybe at one point, I was on the outside wall but instead decided that floating around worked better than standing around?
It's not always easy being the floater, sometimes I struggle with it. Especially when I see groups planning fun gatherings or meet ups. I am never one to invite myself and would rather miss out than doing so. We always have something to work on as humans and this is one thing I should work on. I always feel like a pest or beggar when I do, I really have no desire to be either of those.
Floating has brought me much happiness, many gems have come from dancing around the room unaware of the groups within. I meet so many wonderful people that way, talking, listening and sometimes scaling the walls of people who are socially uncomfortable. I prefer one on one conversation, I don't like having to talk over others. One of my acquaintences always tells me, " you're deep water'' and that is the truth. I prefer the heavy duty conversations. My odd sense of humor isn't the norm and is often lost on others, so I prefer to stay deep, I like deep and know it well.
I truly doubt, that I will ever give up my floater ways and conform. I like being the floater even though, sometimes its hard. Really, I like doing my own thing which is often doing things with Marty and the kids instead of trying to do things with others. That's another blog for another day......
If you want to find me, I will be the one flitting and floating around. I am always easy to find!
Sunday, March 17, 2013
Just Jules 100,000 Page View Giveaway
Never in a million years did I ever imagine that this blog would be viewed 100,000 times! The number has approached at a fast pace this last year. Mind you, it took six years for me to hit 10,000 page views and much less time for me to hit 100k.
Thank you readers, friends and family for sharing my blog with others, for reading our story and supporting our family through good and bad. It means the world to not only me but my family as well. Lately the blog has become a platform for others to share their stories as well. I love being able to share stories from other woman who inspire, encourage and promote positivity. I hope as time goes on to share more and more inspiring stories from others aside from myself.
I wish that I could give all of you a great big hug! Alas, I cannot do that nor can I send all of you a gift.
Instead, I am hosting a humble giveaway of some great items I selected from Fig and Company, my new workplace. It is my way of saying thank you and trying to give back.
As this giveaway has approached, I wanted to give things away that meant something to me. Of course, not everyone wants Nadia ( the movie), Anne of Green Gables, Jane Austen or Twilight books! So I found a few things that I thought were cute but very me.
a Rafflecopter giveaway
Thank you readers, friends and family for sharing my blog with others, for reading our story and supporting our family through good and bad. It means the world to not only me but my family as well. Lately the blog has become a platform for others to share their stories as well. I love being able to share stories from other woman who inspire, encourage and promote positivity. I hope as time goes on to share more and more inspiring stories from others aside from myself.
I wish that I could give all of you a great big hug! Alas, I cannot do that nor can I send all of you a gift.
Instead, I am hosting a humble giveaway of some great items I selected from Fig and Company, my new workplace. It is my way of saying thank you and trying to give back.
As this giveaway has approached, I wanted to give things away that meant something to me. Of course, not everyone wants Nadia ( the movie), Anne of Green Gables, Jane Austen or Twilight books! So I found a few things that I thought were cute but very me.
One lucky winner will receive this gift bag
Contents:
A handmade reclaimed wood and Upwords tile sign saying ''tweet tweet''- Yáll know I am a Twitter addict
A Journal with the words ''Every journey begins with a step'' on the front ''take a step'' on the back. I love writing my thoughts and prayers down. Mostly I journal on this blog but I have kept a journal of my prayers for years. I love looking back and seeing how I've grown and answered prayers.
One burlap bag with a bicycle printed on the front. Everyone knows I love all things cycling and bikes!
Two Seattle Chocolate bars, all natural, made in Seattle. The Lemon Drop and San Juan Sea Salt are my favorites. Definitely yummy!
How to Enter: You must use this format to be entered. You use the rafflecopter to enter the contest. You must leave a comment on the blog to gain one entry on the Rafflecopter. You can gain more entries by using Rafflecopter to tweet the entry or by liking my Facebook page via the entry form. The contest will end after my page hits 100k or by next Sunday 3/24/12.
Good luck and thank you for reading my blog
a Rafflecopter giveaway
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