The Princess and I

About a year ago, I made a edit to my code on the blog and messed up my archives. I can't link you to this old post, so I will borrow some of the text to mark the date. This is from an original blog titled ''The Queen'' my review of the movie starring Helen Mirren based on the death of Princess Diana. Everyone knows of my obsession, if you don't then you really don't know me but I will tell you a bit of my story in this piece. Where was I when Princess Diana died:

It all started when I was five and my older sister got me up at 3 am to watch the wedding of Charles and Di. All little girls dream of being a princess and watching that wedding with all of the flowers,silk,tulle and diamonds I was enthralled. A real life fairy-tale and I never read another fairy-tale again. I would beg my parents to buy me Princess Di books and magazines. At one point, I had every book written on Princess Diana. For a period of two years, I would cut out the picture of the Princess Di bride doll every time my Gramie got a new Good Housekeeping or Enquirer. I knew every member of the Royal family before I knew all the presidents or states.

 I got a cabbage patch and a new book on Princess Di the same Christmas in 1984 and which one do you think I still have? My favorite birthday present of all time? When I was nine I was informed I was getting something big , bigger than a breadbox and smaller than a horse. My two grandmothers got together and bought me the Princess Di Bride Doll by the Danbury mint. I was shocked and amazed as I pulled her out of her box , smelled the lace and tulle and saw the "real'' cubic zirconia tiara! I put her back in the box and up in the closet awaiting a special case for her. She is so big she doesn't fit a standard doll case plus she has a 5 foot train and veil that make her even bigger. I would take her down and look at her every once in awhile but in the box she remained and eventually moved to my Gramie's for safe keeping.

Fast forward to 1997.. I am married and pregnant with my first child and the Princess Diana fairytale is long gone. I am adult and have seen my fantasy of Diana collapse into reality. The Sotheby's auction was that summer and I was hoping to get the auction book which was autographed. Marty's dad had passed away and I inherited his Grandma's china cabinet. So we drove over to Gram's to bring the doll home and display her for the first time. I go into the closet and drag out the black trash bag containing the box. I decide to take a peak and check her out and Marty was laughing at me.

 My Gram comes into the room and says "You better come see the news on the television. It's Diana she has been in an accident" all of the sudden fantasy and reality collided. It was real she was in Paris and there has been a wreck. I grabbed the doll went home to watch the events unfold.

I had a answering machine full of messages as I get home with people calling to tell me the news. My dad called to ask me if I had heard the news? As we were talking and he says " did you just see that?" and I said "no" and he says "She is gone".  My Dad delivered the news to me, my childhood idol was gone.

 I am a hysterical mess over someone I didn't know. I guess for me it was the same as it was for many when Elvis died or Kennedy died. I had people calling me for days offering their condolences and people at work doing the same. I wanted to go to LA to the embassy to sign the condolence book but Marty couldn't go and I was too pregnant to go alone. So my friend/co-worker Catt went with me to LA to sign the book a truly kind gesture. Days later,I once again got up at 3 am to watch the funeral and this time cried so hard from grief and sadness mixed with anger.

It's been 17 years ago today, I miss her, wonder what she would have become? People still give me Princess Diana books, when the royal wedding came along I received gifts from around the world. Princess Di still lives in my closet. She made a brief appearance in decor for William's wedding. Really can't wait for Harry to get married, I have all kinds of fun things to put up.In fact, I saw my paper cups my friend Jan gave me and thought with a sigh, ''Can't wait until Harry gets married.'' I plan on dragging my friend Andrea to London for that, we should have gone last time!

 Time has passed by so quickly just taking a moment to stop and remember....

Confessions of a Messy Moose

I was a naughty, busy little girl, who was extremely curious and mischievous  In addition to those traits, I was extremely uncoordinated and clumsy. I ran into walls, fell and got hurt constantly....and we aren't talking your regular scrapes and bruises, we are talking gashes and stitches. This prompted my parents to start calling me "Messy Moose",( I was messy too, really messy) for most of my childhood.

My first accident was jumping on my parents waterbed at 18 months old, that led to stitches in my forehead. You can still see the scar when I laugh or make certain faces. Then there was the night at dinner, when I was sitting at my little wooden table next to the big table. I was pushing my chair back on the legs while eating and fell backwards, the issue was I had the fork in my mouth and stabbed myself in the back of the throat. I still remember my mom putting a towel to my face as blood came running out.


I put my cat in the refrigerator( they kept hearing him meow, I finally told them " I put him in the fwidgerator'') he never liked me again? I was only two, not sure what possessed me. I bit my sister when she came home from the hospital, I stole her bottle. I was a bad seed, a very bad seed.

There was also my childhood drinking problem, my Dad thought my mom was drinking wine all day and she kept denying it. Then they finally found me with the door pulled just so sitting on the bottom shelf drinking wine. Oh and did I mention the I had my first hangover at three, I guess that at my aunt's wedding, I went around picking up drinks off the tables. I told my mom the next day, ''Mommy, I have a fuzzy head." No wonder that I have never liked to drink, I cured myself of that.


Then I moved on to the harder stuff. One sunny Saturday morning, my parents were mowing the lawn and I was playing on the lawn. I thought the gasoline for the mower was lemonade and drank it, my Dad turned around just in time to see it. I don't remember getting my stomach pumped, I do remember Bernie giving me an Ernie doll after my hospital visit. Sadly, I didn't learn my lesson and drank kerosene from a little glass mouse oil burner months later. My parents always say, back then if CPS had been around, they would have been in big trouble.

I was a bit like Elmyra from Tiny Toons, I loved my animals sometimes too much. I accidently loved my guinea pig too hard and he died. I love the cat mentioned above, not sure why I did what I did. I loved my parakeet Duke, I thought giving him salted sunflower seeds would be a treat? I guess not.

They kept having my eyes tested and knew something wasn't quite right. Finally in elementary school they found out that I had under developed motor skills because I never crawled as a baby. I skipped the crawling and just walked. So I had to have therapy for under-defined motor skills during my elementary school years.....I was special indeed.

I have recently been asked about a picture that I included in my cousin Andy's birthday blog. It is a picture of me watching Andy blow out his candles with a head bandage on.

Well, there is a story and of course it involves me being clutzy. I had my childhood friend Christena over to visit one day after school, this was a big deal since my parents worked and I rarely got to bring friends home. We had just finished watching our favorite movie "Nadia" when my friend called us to come outside. I was running down the hallway to the staircase and tripped....putting my head through the wrought iron banister. My head was stuck and I had to have it pulled out of the bars. 

I split my lip in two and had a huge goose egg. The hospital said everything was fine, stitched my lip and sent me home. After my stitches were removed, they realized my head was still swollen and discovered a hematoma. I had cracked my skull and had bruising between my skull and skin. My sisters never ate grape jelly again because they watched them cut my head open to remove the hematoma! My head is still misshapen in that area.

It's a wonder that my parents survived my childhood! Mainly after that incident the worst I did was sprain my ankle yearly in my tween and teen years. Well, there was the one time when I jumped from a moving car and got pretty skinned up. I was mainly messy in those years, always spilling something on my clothes and the like. 

 I am still not graceful by any means but I don't get hurt often any longer. I am very neat however, I really detest messes and like order. People wonder where Conner got his curiosity and I always tell them it was my payback. My poor parents, I totally understand, I totally understand.

A/N After publishing this blog, many stories have been left out. My childhood friend Christena mentioned one in a comment on FB. In memory of her grandma Ilene, I must share:

Ilene was my babysitter one year in elementary school. After school one day,  Christena and I were in the kitchen. Her neighbor Lonnie called from his house for us to meet him at the bottom of Christena's backyard which was an orchard. I got so excited, that in my excitement I grabbed a whole bottle of dish soap and poured it in my hair. I needed to wash my hair before we saw Lonnie, or so I thought. Her grandma Ilene was so angry, it took her all afternoon to get the soap out of my very long, thick hair.  Christena has NEVER let me forget this story. I laugh so hard thinking about it still to this day.

Happy Birthday Cousin Series: Happy Birthday Kyle

I must admit, I am already in tears and I haven't typed a word. This is going to be a hard blog to write for me and is one of the most painful stories of my life. I have been stewing over this for a month or so now.

 If you are a long time reader, friend or family then you will know that I love my cousins. They are truly my closest friends in life. This story is much different than the others and something that I hope with time will change. As you know, I always strive for transparency and honesty on this blog. You all know that I am also a Pollyanna with unending hope.

To my cousin Kyle on his birthday:

Kyle is one of only two cousins on my Mom's side. He is a few years younger than myself closer in age to my sister Carrie. He is the only child of my Mom's brother Greg. Two cousins you think would be easier to know than 12 cousins, right? wrong.

Kyle and I holding hands in a picture with my parents and sisters.

We grew up the first few years of his life being baby sat by our Gramie. I remember watching cartoons with him, eating breakfast with him, watching him crawl up on the counters, playing with his ping pong gun and army men toys. I loved spending time with him at Gram's house.

An almost complete picture of my Grandparents with their grandchildren. Kankad, Gramie, Kim, Julie, Kyle and Carrie

They were truly wonderful times and I am thankful for my super memory that can recall them in a instant. I never knew that I would have to hold on to them for a lifetime. After my Kankad passed away, life changed drastically for our family.



Sadly, Kyle's Dad didn't live up to his responsibilities and his mom Teri was faced with a tough choice. She had to not let Kyle visit any longer. As a mother, I applaud this choice and to this day think she made the right decision in a difficult circumstance. It is tough to be a mother and not have support. I will always stand by her decision. It was truly my uncle's fault and he never made a move to change it. Something that I have worked years and years to let go of.

I remember crying and crying about not being able to see Kyle anymore.I remember driving by his house and seeing him outside, yelling that we loved him. Then he didn't go to the same school anymore and I didn't see him on the playground.

Years passed, 11 years if I am not mistaken. We didn't see Kyle and then one day in 1995 a miracle happened and Kyle showed up at my Gramie's house. He wanted to see his Dad and his mom took him to visit. I remember rejoicing that we could see and hug Kyle again.

On the very best day of my life, my cousin Kyle was there! He was at my wedding and I have complete family pictures. 

Clare ( my adopted British sister), Aunt Jeanette, Mom, Shawn ( ex brother in law), Gramie, Kelly Ann, Teri, Kyle and Uncle Greg.

This next picture captures one of the best moments of my adult life

Kyle hugging me on my wedding day

Sadly, my uncle never changed even after his second chance. More bad choices were made and Kyle went away again. I admire you for making such a big effort to get to know your Dad. I will always be sad that in the end not even his son could get through. I am so thankful that you tried and were there even at the very end.

 Thankfully Myspace was created which reconnected me with Kyle. We have been online buddies for years. Social media has brought us together and for that I am so grateful.

I have found that we love much of the same music, we share a mutual love of A Christmas Story. He is wickedly funny with a strong sarcastic gene. He is a hard worker, a faithful husband with a very full and promising life. He is one of two remaining with the Davis name.

Hopefully someday we can meet again and visit. I will always be here for you Kyle and hopefully someday we can be close. All I can do is show you that I am different and a really good cousin to my other cousins. I may not see you, talk to you often but I love you just as much as the others.

Happy Birthday Kyle, you have a very special place in my heart and I wish you all the best in life. You deserve happiness, light and joy.

Love Carries on Through Cooking

"Thankful for tradition. Going through pantry making sure I have everything I need for Thursday, thinking we always make the same things and realizing that's what its all about! Family, tradition, and still tasting moms cooking even though she is no longer at our table."

Last week my Aunt Maggie posted that as her Facebook status. It was profoundly touching and really moved me. She put something into words that I hadn't ever been able to get down on paper or in a coherent sentence.

I love the song "There is No Place Like Home for the Holidays" every time I hear it my mind immediately goes to my grandparents home at the holidays. Even though their home is gone and I live far away from my family through cooking I am never very far away.

We were raised steeped in tradition at the holidays. My Grandmother loved the holidays, she had the most beautiful home at the holidays and her food always tasted good. We just never thought of the day she would be gone and we would be left to carry on the traditions.

Grandma's beautiful tree

 

Last week, my friend Mary asked for a stuffing recipe. Our family makes the easiest, most flavorful stuffing recipe that grandma passed on. For me that happened over the phone after I had moved away from home and family. I never had written it down, simply put I hear Grandma in my head when I go to make it. The recipe is in my head and I like recalling the phone conversation where she taught me. I wrote it down for the very first time to share with her. ( she loved it by the way)

This year was my cousin Caiti's first year away from home and family. It has always amazed me how I can live a few hundred miles away yet still eat the same meal as my family. The recipes and traditions have allowed me to carry on far away from home. I make all the same dishes as my family by myself every year for my own family.

This year as I was cooking, I thought about Maggie's quote and realized that Grandma is never very far. I could feel her close while making the stuffing. I can always go "home" to my childhood, when I smell the food cooking and the smell of " home" invades my home.

Traditions and recipes are a way to stay behind and love our family someday when we are gone. They are a mother's love for her children leaving a part of herself behind. I love cooking my grandmothers recipes and feeling them near once again. 

Now we are teaching our children the recipes and traditions to carry on, My kids already know the menu and shopping list by heart. Elizabeth is already asking about our cookie baking list for next month. Conner already knows how to make the cranberry relish on his own.

Someday when we are gone, the traditions of grandmother and great grandmother will live on. In fact, yesterday I made a apple cake recipe of my Aunt's which is the closest recipe to my Nana's recipe. I can still see my great grandmother making that apple cake for me in Kansas. Tasting that is like sitting in Nana's kitchen in Pittsburg.

Grandma, Gramie and Nana are never coming back but I still feel the close in the kitchen and home. I am thankful for a family that teaches each other tradition and honors our elders. I am thankful to have learned from wonderful women and help carry on their legacy. 

Thankful that someday, my children will carry the legacy on also. The saying is true, " A Mother's love lives forever"

Do you have family traditions? Recipes that you make? Do you have things that bring loved one's gone before us closer?

A/N Thank you Maggie Z for allowing me to quote you. Also to my friend and reader Teri for asking me to write a blog on this subject.

Gramie's Dishes

When I was about 8 years old, I was sitting in the kitchen with my Gramie eating breakfast before school. She was probably smoking a cigarette while she waited. I mustered enough gumption and glanced over at her to ask my question.

"Gramie, when you die can I have your dishes?" she blinked hard at my question and said, "Sure you can. I will make sure they are yours." and that was that. There was something I loved about those simple green and white dishes with baby strawberries covering the center of the plate.  They weren't anything fancy; just simple everyday dishes that she served us breakfast, lunch and sometimes dinner on. My Gramie was a good cook always making something tasty. It was her one true great skill in life and she used it well.

Gramie died nine years ago and my dishes never came. At first my uncle didn't allow anyone to take anything from the house. Then I guess they somehow made their way to my sister Kim for her to "borrow". Last week my mom asked me if I was ready for them? Um, I've been waiting almost thirty years for this day!

So today the dishes came to live with me. Things do always have a way of finding their rightful owner in the end.  I took each piece out of its wrapping and washed them as I put them away. Now they will be the dishes I serve my kids breakfast on in the mornings. Just knowing they are here now makes my heart happy.  I know Grams would be happy to know they finally are sitting in my cupboard and her promise to me was fufilled.

Music That Takes Me Back Series: Welcome Back

I love this song. It immediately makes me happy and takes me back to a happy time. I loved this show and can remember hearing the theme weekly as a young girl. It's associated with a very happy time in my childhood. I've often used it as my ringtone just because of the feeling it gives me when it plays. Truly a song that takes me back and cheers me up.

I wasn't voted "Most Likely To Cry At The Movies" in high school for no reason.

For the last ten years, I have had a long standing arrangement with myself. Don't watch anything Princess Di related. When she died in 1997, I got so overly emotional that my mom had to tell me to calm down. I watched the Concert for Di and The Queen, cried through them both.

I thought maybe, I was over it and could watch some of the fabulous Royal Wedding montages out there. So last Friday, I started watching the episodes On Demand. Watching things on Princess Di is a odd experience. When I was younger, I owned every book written on her. I also have a photographic memory of sorts. So every picture is memorized and something engrained in my brain. So much of my child hood is wrapped up in her. She was my escape from reality when I was younger. I didn't play dolls and Barbies, I played Royal family; in fact, I always named all of my dolls Brittany Brittania if I did play dolls.

I made it through two of them and became overwrought. Elizabeth was sitting next to me and just started staring and said, "Mom maybe you shouldn't watch anymore." as I was thinking the same thing. I just cannot do it and really shouldn't.

What got me? Princess Di was only 36 when she died. Back then that seemed, so old to me. I am only two years shy of 36 now and the reality really hit me. None of us are promised tomorrow and I know we could all go at any age. It just really hit home.

So now, I am only watching current Royal Wedding montages and no more Princess Di stuff., I am excited about the Royal wedding this week and cannot wait for the festivities to begin.

The return of funny Conner stories

Therrrrre baccck! There have been some funny Conner moments lately. Marty, I, friends and family have gotten some good laughs from our son lately. I will be posting them here and there to spread them out.


Here's the latest, not known to anyone:

The other day, Marty got his basses and pedals out. He hasn't been playing as of late due to his health but decided to dust everything off and maybe play a little bit. Conner get's out Marty's favorite blue pedal and plugs it in. The pedal doesn't turn on, Conner moves plugs and it still doesn't go on. Marty was bummed out since this was his favorite pedal. Of course, he has a new fancier pedal that he has never played with because he loves this blue one so much.

Conner asked if he could take it apart since it was dead and Marty agreed. This is a long standing thing with Conner, if something breaks he can take it apart and see how it ticks. This has helped prevent him from taking working things apart over the years.

Fast forward later that night; Marty and I are shutting off the lights and he tells me, " I have a story for you about Conner, a good one for your blog. Earlier we set up to jam and test my other pedal out. Conner brought out his bass and later ran back to get his drum pad. I asked him, why he did that and he said, "So we can jam." He goes to plug it in and it is dead, he goes, " Oh no, this plug is bad, it is the plug to your pedal. I sometimes borrow it for my drum pad."

My pedal wasn't broken, it was the cord he was using!!! I asked him where the pedal was and he replied, " I put it back together. But, I threw it in the trash." He went to get it out but came back in and said it was too late. I guess that I learned my lesson."

I was crying with laughter. Such a funny story! I guess they both learned a lesson that time.

Organized Sports

We finally put Conner in one this year and we have ended up sorely disapointed. The coach has sat Conner on the bench the last five games or so. He has played him in the outfield one inning or so a game. Conner wanted to learn catcher and worked hard to try it out, we stated he was interested in playing that position at the beginning of the season. The coach seemed bent on playing this one boy catcher, at times it even seemed that he was forcing him. He would even put the kid's gear on for him. Conner was able to play several games trading inning's with the other boy. All of the sudden it stopped, the coach offered no explanation and we didn't ask. We try to be very laid back about things like that because every hates pushy people. Ever game Conner would go and get teary at seeing his name left off the roster. The last game he played as catcher he even got a out for the team. Conner asked the coach yesterday why and he told Conner " Well you got to play half the season as catcher." what a lie. Then today he told Conner " You weren't good enought to play catcher, you weren't fast enough behind the plate." WHAT! He is ten years old, the coach should have come to us and explained it. Who the heck tells a ten year old they aren't good enough? We told Conner he could leave the game and he did, why sit there and let your kid be mistreated. 

The coach played the same boys over and over, upon reading the rule book tonight we noticed that was a rule breaker. He also continued to let the other boy play without a catcher's mitt even after the league president told him he had to. He stopped having pratices about 3 1/2 weeks ago and didn't seem to be interested in teaching boys who weren't already good. This is a non tryout league that says "Winning at all costs is not allowed". I am very disapointed and my son is devastated. I told him life is not fair and that we are proud of him, I also told him to never let someone's opinion of him become truth to him.

What is wrong with the world? No wonder kids get into to so many bad things. Why are we making kid's grow up so fast? I am so heartsick over this and feel awful that this has happened.

Finally, I can relive my awkward jr. high years

I am so pumped about this whole New Kids reunion thing, much to the disdain of my husband. I am so excited to be able to go to a New Kids concert after 17 years of waiting for another. My junior high days were spent wearing New Kids tee's, plastering every picture I could get out of Bop,Teenbeat and every other magazine on my wall. I used to wear these huge button's everyday, no wonder no boys ever liked me. Anyways, I have been made fun of for years about this and it hasn't stopped me yet. I even liked a boy for 5 yrs because he looked and acted like Joey Mac. I hope this blog brings you much laughter and head shaking, I am serious though people!