I wouldn't wear hat, I would wear a....fascinator

My Aunt Maggie called me today and was teasing me about my Royal wedding mania. She was saying she thought I would have a dress and be making Marty renew our vows on the same day. Pfft... I am wearing pajama's! She was trying to talk me into making a hat for the event. I have actually been obsessed with the royal fascinator lately. I think my big head would look better in one of those instead. What is that you say?

That is a fascinator. They are great and way better than a hat. So don't laugh if you see me wearing one someday.

This Royal Wedding business has become mania with many of my friends feeding the monster. I put a picture up on Facebook of my Princess Di doll. Then my friend Clare sent me a Royal Wedding plate and mug, then my friend Alison gave me a Di/Kate ring. Now my friend Jan has sent me a Royal wedding party in the box. I am set for the big day. 

I have been laughing and being silly with my friends over this whole thing. They obviously find it funny too since they are being so wonderfully generous to me. What a fun way to decompress after the last three stressful years.

3 months and 3 days later

I suddenly realized today, it has been three months and three days. Life changed in the blink of an eye and for the better in our case.

Three months and four days ago, we were weary and clinging to the promise of God that things were going to change. We were doing five dialysis treatments a day and Marty still was fluid overloaded. His blood sugars were running between 250-400. His last hemoglobin A1C was 11. He wasn't sleeping and barely getting out of bed. We were spending our days crying out for mercy.

Three months later, our days are filled with joy. Every minute that he is well, is a precious gift to us. We are constantly rejoicing and thanking God. Marty is back to working full time and plus some. He says he comes home and is tired but not the same tired. He says being back to work helps him see the difference. His blood sugar is between 89-110 every day. His A1C is 5.2, non diabetic levels. He is not taking insulin anymore and hasn't for two weeks.

Hard to believe that life changed in a instant and how fast things turned around for the better. We are so thankful for the prayers and support we have received. We are thankful to God for blessing our family with a miracle.

" Someday, somehow you'll see. Would you dare, would you dare to believe that you still have a reason to sing. Cause the pain that you've been feeling can't compare to the joy thats coming." Josh Wilson

 Believe me, nothing prepared us for the joy that has come!

Royal wedding memories and a secret nobody knows

When I was five years old, my older sister woke me up at 3 am to watch the Royal wedding of Charles and Diana. She created a monster, I was hooked. What five year old doesn't love princesses and fairytales? it was my hobby and everyone around me fed the monster.

About 6 months later, we were at Crown Books on Whittier blvd and my parents told me to pick out a book. I went and found a huge hardcover book, Princess by Robert Lacey. It was the first of hundreds of books that I would be given or buy on Princess Di. It was more a pictorial with a bit of writing between the pictures. My favorite picture in the whole book was this

Maybe because I was the same age as the little girl in the picture? or the kindness she was showing? I just love this picture.

Flash forward 25 years and it is my own wedding day. Our flower girl Caiti didn't want to walk down the aisle the day before in rehearsal. The day of the wedding she not only walked down the aisle but sat happily on the piano throughout the service. As she came down to the end of the aisle, I was so proud of her. This wasn't planned but when I saw her coming, I knew what to do and the photographer took this picture as I greeted Caiti. My own personal memory of my wedding day, that even my husband didn't know about until he read this blog. Besides the pictures of Marty and I together, this is my most favorite picture of the whole day.

Who knew all those years later, I would have a piece of Di on my wedding day. As the wedding of William and Kate approaches, I find myself in a tizzy of excitement. I will be getting up at three am to watch live ( because watching the re-play isn't the same) and probably bawl like a baby at some point. This time, I am a mom and hope that Elizabeth will watch with me. Di may be gone, but the memories that made my childhood happy and fun remain.

it could be worse

Marty's appointment at Stanford went well today. Dr.B is very happy with his sugars, his A1C was 5.2 which is normal, non diabetic level. He isn't taking insulin anymore either and hasn't for a week. His kidney is functioning well and things are great.

We don't have to go back for a month now! We are so happy about this development!

Here's the kicker, Marty needs to lose weight. He never had to worry about weight before and now he does. I keep telling him, "Welcome to my world!" and the life of being over 30. We are all working on the battle of the bulge in this house.

Life is good! Everyday since transplant is a good day, no matter what!

Off to work he went.

Marty went back to work on Saturday. This is a huge milestone in the journey for our family. The return to regular routine and normalcy. Something we have been waiting years to happen.

He did great on his first day, everyone was glad to see him. He didn't realize everyone knew what happened and they all had a lot of questions for him. So that kept him busy and awake.

He had to work some overtime today. Not by choice but by mandate. He came home and was telling me how different he feels. He can walk all over at work, up the stairs and not get tired or out of breath. He normally would be very tired working over, but he wasn't. This is a good marker for him, to see how much better he really is.

He hasn't taken any insulin since last week and his blood sugars are maintaining normal levels. So that is another piece of good news. We just love good news!

Sisters of the heart

I have had this blog in my head for quite sometime now. It's a very emotional subject for me and something very dear to me. I have two sisters of my own, but sadly we aren't close. Some of that is by choice on my part and some of that is out of my control. I wish things were different, but they aren't and I can't really change that. I have tried and failed. It takes two to change things and if one party is unwilling, it leaves the other with tough choices. I worked for years to change things and couldn't without enabling myself to be treated badly.

Last year during a particularly sad point, God reminded me of the great blessing I do have; I have many sisters of the heart. They might not be blood related, from the same parents but they are sisters none the less. They are people who love me for me and I love them for them. I often use the term and I know people wonder what I mean by that. So that's my definition right there.

My cousins are a few, they are more like sisters to me than cousins. They have filled the void left and have known me my whole life. We grew up together and share much of the same upbringing. I am so thankful for them and the role they play in our lives.

My Dad and Marty joke, I have so many friends they can hardly keep up anymore. It's true, I have a ton of friends and I am so lucky. I feel so much joy at being blessed many times over in the friend department.   Some people don't even have twenty friends and I have about twenty close friends.

A few of my friends have become sisters of the heart. They don't have sisters or don't have sisters they are close to, some have sisters and still include me in the bunch. They are the one's I turn to in times of crisis or in times of joy. I am so thankful for them and their role in my life. It was them who helped heal the scar and fill the void in my life. It took years but I have finally gotten to a good place in this area.

I am thankful for them and love to be there for them in return. Just something that I wanted to write down and explain to those who wonder about the meaning.

hardly seems like 5 years

 Today marks five years my grandparents have been gone. It hardly seems like it has been that long somedays and then other days it feels like forever. I saw this picture of them the other day, while digging around for pictures of Marty and I. I just love this picture of them together.

   Back when I started this blog five years ago, it quickly became about my grief. I wrote probably 50 blogs on the subject. So today it felt fitting to mark the day and reflect on five years. I still have days where I feel like I can just pic up the phone and call them. I especially felt this way when Marty got the call. Or days when I say something one of them would say and feel the pang of grief so strong, I feel like I can't breath. That happened yesterday when I said, "Wait for baby!"

   Twice in the last month, I have found a shirt that I think is cute only to realize I love it because it was something grandma would love. Especially the yellow shirt that I liked, I never wear yellow shirts, but she wore them all the time.

   About a year ago, due to a sync problem I lost about 3500 pictures from our past. One of them was this picture that Marty took and gave to me. I love this picture because it makes me feel like I am home again. There is a line in a song by Jack Johnson, he says " I took a picture, I don't like to look at." and I always think of this picture.

 

None of this is really going to make sense to any of you ( unless you are family). I just needed to write it out and have it for me to look at. I hate letting days pass by without saying something about them. When I write about them, it helps me feel better. They were such wonderful people and wonderful influences in my life, I can never let them go.