Faith is going where our eyes can't see

Right now this is how I am living. Had a funny dream about my Grandma last night and was laughing about it all day. I heard a missionary speak at church and he said something that really resonated with me. Dont say yo-yo prayers. Meaning dont say a prayer or pray about something and then yank it back and take it back. Give it over and leave it there. I think in some ways I have been doing this lately by saying prayers and then taking them back. Worrying about my mom,dad,grandpa and this other situation. I lay all these things down right now and i am not picking them up again. Gonna walk by faith.

Ramblings

I love to talk and could ramble on forever. I just sent of a random rambling message and feel the need to continue. I have a center in my life and I know Jesus is that center for me. He is a constant in my life and Marty and the kids are part of that. Right at this moment I feel as if we are in the middle of a tornado standing still. Alot of things are going on around me My Grandma is gone, My Grandpa has taken a bed in ICU right next to the one grandma was in and only God truly knows what will happen with him. I am still trying to drag my Dad to the doctor and my mom has to have surgery probably to remove a tumor in her salivary gland. So many of the people I love are struggling right now. I feel at peace about all these things but see them swirling and know I can 't control any of it. Waiting is hard......I continue to want to take the hard road and not fall apart and continue to grow in God.... I am so glad that I moved away from my family and found my own way. Even though it was hard and it changed my relationship to them for a long time I am glad I did it because I know I wouldnt be doing well during all of this and I would be falling apart and taking my family with me. I am so happy that I can say that I have been not doing that..... God is a constant even though we feel that the world around us is crumbling.......

funny things about me

Did you know I can fix a garbage disposal and am pretty handy at vaccuum repair also.......Why is that? because I am really bad with both things and was forced to learn how to fix them. Even though this round the vaccuum won out and at least its under warranty for a few more months...

Trying to ,need to

Trying to get back to normal without feeling like something bad is going to happen. Maybe it's just walking by faith and trusting that everything will happen in it's time. need to clean,need to work, need to organize everything back into it's place. Need to need to need to. I have taken a month off and now I need to see I said it again. Well, "The Sun will come out tomorrow, clear away the cobwebs and the sorrow's there will be sun. Tomorrow, Tomorrow is only a day a way."

I can't think of a appropriate title

Well... It is finished Grandma has been gone a week now. It was hard going to her house and her not being there. She was the life of the house and even harder after the funeral a billion people being there and her not. It was hard going and trying to keep it together. Seeing grandpa cry was the worst most heartbraking part of it all. I think I have had my fill of Whittier for a while though and am wanting to start putting the pieces back together from the rubble. Really the rubble has more to do with my messy house and cleaning that up. I am hoping for some normalcy but am unsure if that will last long for several reasons but I am praying and that's all I can do!!!!!!! I walk by faith not by sight.. just a side note last night when I got home I thought "oh, I should call Grandma to tell her I am home." Then I remember she is gone...... I miss you Grandma and always will.

It's thy will not my will

I know that I have been less than positive lately and some of you might wonder about me. I know God is sovereign and in control and I know that life doesnt go the way we always want it to go. I know that I am learning and growing through these times and have had a few days of letting go slowly but surely. Not that I want to let go but I know I need to let go for me and all around me. I surrender my life to God long ago and now is the time to lean on him not wrestle with him. Hopefully once I knock this cold I will be in tip top shape again.

Can I have a nervous breakdown now

Well let me fill you in: I am home now from my extended stay down south. Got there and helped watch out for Grandpa so everyone else could work alittle. Had good news about Grandma and she came of the vent. Saw her and she was laughing and joking. The next day went to see her with Grandpa and then they told my aunts she would never recover. They made plans to get her home so she could be there and be comfortable. Grandpa was so happy to have her home he shaved and put on aftershave. Got her home and had this great talk with my Grandpa about life and needing to take care of my own family. I felt selfish to Marty and the kids so I came home and then was home 1 night got up this morning and Grandpa is now in the hospital with Pnuemonia on top of his Emphysema. This is all on top of my Dad having a weak heart, My best friend having a heart attack and my other best friend telling me her heart is not good, and my uncle having colon cancer. Anymore I think I will explode. I think I need to join the gym and let off some of the stress. I know God spoke to my heart and told me I had a rough road ahead but this was more than I could have ever imagined. I am growing in God and trusting in him. Romans 11:1 and Psalm 23