The other night I finally rented " Little Miss Sunshine" This movie has to be one of the funniest movie's I have seen in years. It is absolutely hysterical. I was crying and laughing so hard it was so funny. Not for the faint at heart it has alot of profanity but it is hilarious! Highly recommended and I think the little girl deserves her Oscar nomination for her acting in this movie!
Next...My wait is over... Visalia has finally gotten a showing of "The Queen" I have been waiting for months and hoped it got nominated for some awards because then we would finally get it. Now we have and I MUST find a way to go see it. I dont think that will happen until next week sadly.
A modern day Pollyanna waxing poetic about her life.
Thursday, January 25, 2007
Wednesday, January 17, 2007
to all my fellow home managers
This job comes with no instructions, no real how to manual, 50% training and 50% instinct.
There is no vacation or sick days and if you do take them remember there is no one to do your work for you and you dont get paid leave. ( save the good intentioned tries by your co-worker who really has no clue)
You might as well not feel sorry for yourself and buck up and take one for the team.( This is the worst part of it)
Even though it is always nice to have sympathetic friends in the same boat! who will take your charges and mind them and maybe bring you dinner too!
Challenges daily- with no instructions or how to fixes. There is a guide book and lots of praying involved.
free time- doesnt exsist but sometimes you can pay to have it or if you are lucky someone will give it to you.
the failures and fears- many and the lowest of lows
the rewards- PRICELESS, and the world's best high
This is a job which you dont know what the future holds but you hope and pray for the best and know who holds the future. Maybe some promotions and achievement awards for your charges. Safety, healthy and happiness are the key goals. There are many who want this job, few that can handle this job, There are many successful predecessors to learn from and some that are unsuccessful to learn from too. There are those who encourage and many that will discourage because this isnt a popular job to take these days. Hold on, hang tight and wait and see. I know I cant wait to see and have 10 years left on one project and 12 left on the other. Time flies when you are having fun.
Have fun, Love like never before and never give up!
There is no vacation or sick days and if you do take them remember there is no one to do your work for you and you dont get paid leave. ( save the good intentioned tries by your co-worker who really has no clue)
You might as well not feel sorry for yourself and buck up and take one for the team.( This is the worst part of it)
Even though it is always nice to have sympathetic friends in the same boat! who will take your charges and mind them and maybe bring you dinner too!
Challenges daily- with no instructions or how to fixes. There is a guide book and lots of praying involved.
free time- doesnt exsist but sometimes you can pay to have it or if you are lucky someone will give it to you.
the failures and fears- many and the lowest of lows
the rewards- PRICELESS, and the world's best high
This is a job which you dont know what the future holds but you hope and pray for the best and know who holds the future. Maybe some promotions and achievement awards for your charges. Safety, healthy and happiness are the key goals. There are many who want this job, few that can handle this job, There are many successful predecessors to learn from and some that are unsuccessful to learn from too. There are those who encourage and many that will discourage because this isnt a popular job to take these days. Hold on, hang tight and wait and see. I know I cant wait to see and have 10 years left on one project and 12 left on the other. Time flies when you are having fun.
Have fun, Love like never before and never give up!
Saturday, December 30, 2006
2006, My Annus Horribilis
I once heard Queen Elizabeth say that about the year 199. I never thought there would be a year horrible enough in my life. This year, 2006 is my annus horribilis, I have volumes to say on this year much of it not good in my mind. So because I use this blog for my venting purposes and as a record, I will speak my mind frankly and one last time for posterity.
January- before it was here it was bad. My Grandma got sick Christmas day and was hanging on to life in a hospital. My friend Robin had a heart attack two days later on her birthday and I was torn between staying here and helping or going to be with my family. I needed to be there and wanted to be there but needed to be here too. " I took a picture I don't like to look at" ( that picture graces the top of this blog) on December 27th that reminds me of all those feelings being torn. I ended up going on Dec 29th and spent New Years with my family in So.Cal. I will never forget the time I spent with Grandpa and how God blessed me with the most precious time in my life with Grandpa. He told me things and shared things and gave me his blessing to go on in life. I stayed to help care for him so everyone could be with Grandma.
I took him to the doctor and the doctor told him to come back in March and he told him, " I wont be here in March my days are numbered." I kinda had a inkling to believe him then but I made him that appointment. Grandma came home,we visited and Conner got to go spend time with her. She called him "Moon-face" without even speaking. It was precious! We said goodbye knowing it would be final. We left and came home and tried to re-group and get life moving again. Sunday January 26th I awoke to my dad calling to tell me Grandma was gone.
February- We went to So.Cal to say goodbye to Grandma and it was hard for many reasons. God was good and gave me the strength to deal with many difficult situations. I left Grandpa crying on the side of his bed and told him I would be back soon. The next week he went into the hospital and they couldn't really figure out what was wrong with him. You cant see a broken heart on a x-ray. Tried to get life on track and be normal again. Spent most days calling my dad to check on Grandpa. My mom found a lump in her face and found out it was a tumor and needed surgery. Marty turned 30 and he says he is still 29! We had a nice birthday for him.
March- packed my kids,our traveling school house up again, and went to So.Cal to care for my mom after much drama of which daughter would do that. We got there and went straight to see Gramps at the rehab hospital. I said to him " I said I would come see you at home not here" I said " it has only been a couple of weeks and look where you are" he had been in and out of reality.I wasn't sure he even knew what I was talking about,he looked at me and said" It has been six weeks" and I almost fell over because he was right! My mom had the surgery , things looked good and the kids got to have some fun with cousins. Grandpa ended up in ICU mid-week. I went and talked with him and told him if he wanted to go be with Grandma it was okay.He said that is what he wanted and I told him to ask God to take him, the next day he called for his priest to come to him. He told my aunt, " I cant do this without my girl."
My mom was recovering,I needed to go home to be with Marty for our 10th anniversary and bring normal to my kids in some way. I went to the hospital to say "Goodbye Gramps" I rubbed his hair and told him I loved him and he told me he loved me. I said "Thank you for everything" He said "Your Welcome".
I came home and the next day he went home to his house. Marty and I celebrated 10 wonderful years of marriage on the 23rd and he bought me a beautiful new ring that I love. We went out to dinner and had a really great time and also celebrated that it was our nephews 1st birthday. That Sunday March 26th, eight weeks to the day that grandma died during my after church nap I got the call from my dad that Grandpa had gone to be with his girl.
April- We drove down to So.Cal to say goodbye to Gramps and had a huge family party that will live on in my memory forever. Jen Fitz came to play and sing for our family. We had a huge sing-along in my grandparents back yard. We took family photos and it was a really sad, sad, gray day. But we honored Grandpa in the way he would have wanted it. We came home and celebrated Elizabeths birthday and my mom came up for the party then my mom was hospitalized for Staph infection and I wasnt sure if she would live through it. I couldnt go be with her though as the kids and I needed a mental break and to be at home.
May- My cousins Caiti and Jillie came to visit marking the first time anyone in my family since I have moved here have come to see me and I really liked that. Life settled into a normal routine.
June- Peace and quiet! But another trip to So.Cal this time to see Marty's family for guess what? a funeral for Marty's uncle. But it was good for us to see them after almost 10yrs. I made three really great new friends this month and our friendships have become really important to me.
July- We went to Big Sur on a wonderful family vacation and had a good time. Conner survived a near catastrophe while swimming in the Big Sur river after being sucked into a drainage pipe while a friend of ours was watching him. God is good and allowed him to escape with only a scrape and a healthy dose of fear. We had a majorly hot weekend that came with a 12 hr power outage. Marty ended up with a ambulance ride to the hospital because it was so hot and he was so tired his blood sugar got to low. It was a terrifying experience but I am glad I knew what to do and was able to stay calm during the whole thing.
August- I am laughing because my life has turned into a Country song and unless you knew me and knew all this happened you wouldn't believe it. We went to So.Cal to say goodbye to Grandma and Grandpas house of 51 years. The center of my childhood and the place I called home because it was the only home I ever had to go to. My dad and aunts gave me a nice gift, they took my kids for a week and gave me my grandma and grandpa's bedroom set. It was a huge blessing and such a comfort to me. It helped my grief tremendously. Our Van which is 4 years old decided to no longer run, it would cost us over 6k to fix it and it wouldn't be guaranteed to stay that way. So we had to buy another car and still pay on the van for one more year. What a nightmare spent trying to figure out what was wrong and how to fix it? ( that car sat in my garage for another year and a half. The day it left was a 3 ton weight off my chest)
Sept- I turned 30 and went to Chonda Pierce. We got our new car and started another school year. Things were good!
Oct- The house sold and my dad was devastated, he bought his first home on his own. Our long time friend Gabriel from El Patio died and that was quite bad for my dad. I wanted to run down there again but couldn't. I had to learn to bloom where I am planted.
Nov- Conner turned 9! Big drama with Kim ( my older sister) and her family and even though we don't speak she dragged me in and got people mad at me. That made things bad. We had a quiet Thanksgiving at home and we thankful for many things( read my blog Thankful)
December- much excitement because after 10 years I got to finally meet Candace she was so nice and kind and it is so cool to minister along side of her. It was a amazing blessing to get to go and meet her! We stayed at my dad's new house and went to Knotts. It was great! We had a party at our house for the homeschool kids and I faked it till I made it on Christmas and managed to not spend the whole day crying about Grandma even though everything reminded me of her.
So here I sit reflecting on this terrible year but I see so much good in all these things. My marriage only got better and stronger through all of this. My amazing husband was a rock through it all. My kids and I bonded so much in grief and it has been a hard thing to share but something that made us closer. They did really good in school and Elizabeth reads like crazy and Conner made progress with his school work. My husband has a good job that gave me the resource to go and be with my family when I needed to and I didn't have to worry about money. I was blessed with many good friends who listened and were patient with me during this time. People did so much for me I can never repay but only hope to.
I feel I am a better person and know worrying will get me nowhere fast but that to trust in the Lord and his will for my life. I wont even venture to guess what 2007 will be like because I did that last year and every plan I made got changed and thrown out the window. Instead I am trying to take one day at a time and go with the flow.
Goodbye Annus Horribilis you wont be missed.
To my faithful blog readers- I am going to try to refrain from talking about this stuff anymore so bear with me on this one and look forward to more positive posts in the new year.
A/N Little did I know that my life would get infinitely harder within the next year. This was all before Marty was diagnosed with Renal failure. God had told me Christmas day 2005 that I had a long rough road ahead of me and boy did he ever mean it. Just a few months later, Marty was diagnosed with End Stage Renal failure and we would have the darkest years of our lives until January 2011.
January- before it was here it was bad. My Grandma got sick Christmas day and was hanging on to life in a hospital. My friend Robin had a heart attack two days later on her birthday and I was torn between staying here and helping or going to be with my family. I needed to be there and wanted to be there but needed to be here too. " I took a picture I don't like to look at" ( that picture graces the top of this blog) on December 27th that reminds me of all those feelings being torn. I ended up going on Dec 29th and spent New Years with my family in So.Cal. I will never forget the time I spent with Grandpa and how God blessed me with the most precious time in my life with Grandpa. He told me things and shared things and gave me his blessing to go on in life. I stayed to help care for him so everyone could be with Grandma.
I took him to the doctor and the doctor told him to come back in March and he told him, " I wont be here in March my days are numbered." I kinda had a inkling to believe him then but I made him that appointment. Grandma came home,we visited and Conner got to go spend time with her. She called him "Moon-face" without even speaking. It was precious! We said goodbye knowing it would be final. We left and came home and tried to re-group and get life moving again. Sunday January 26th I awoke to my dad calling to tell me Grandma was gone.
February- We went to So.Cal to say goodbye to Grandma and it was hard for many reasons. God was good and gave me the strength to deal with many difficult situations. I left Grandpa crying on the side of his bed and told him I would be back soon. The next week he went into the hospital and they couldn't really figure out what was wrong with him. You cant see a broken heart on a x-ray. Tried to get life on track and be normal again. Spent most days calling my dad to check on Grandpa. My mom found a lump in her face and found out it was a tumor and needed surgery. Marty turned 30 and he says he is still 29! We had a nice birthday for him.
March- packed my kids,our traveling school house up again, and went to So.Cal to care for my mom after much drama of which daughter would do that. We got there and went straight to see Gramps at the rehab hospital. I said to him " I said I would come see you at home not here" I said " it has only been a couple of weeks and look where you are" he had been in and out of reality.I wasn't sure he even knew what I was talking about,he looked at me and said" It has been six weeks" and I almost fell over because he was right! My mom had the surgery , things looked good and the kids got to have some fun with cousins. Grandpa ended up in ICU mid-week. I went and talked with him and told him if he wanted to go be with Grandma it was okay.He said that is what he wanted and I told him to ask God to take him, the next day he called for his priest to come to him. He told my aunt, " I cant do this without my girl."
My mom was recovering,I needed to go home to be with Marty for our 10th anniversary and bring normal to my kids in some way. I went to the hospital to say "Goodbye Gramps" I rubbed his hair and told him I loved him and he told me he loved me. I said "Thank you for everything" He said "Your Welcome".
I came home and the next day he went home to his house. Marty and I celebrated 10 wonderful years of marriage on the 23rd and he bought me a beautiful new ring that I love. We went out to dinner and had a really great time and also celebrated that it was our nephews 1st birthday. That Sunday March 26th, eight weeks to the day that grandma died during my after church nap I got the call from my dad that Grandpa had gone to be with his girl.
April- We drove down to So.Cal to say goodbye to Gramps and had a huge family party that will live on in my memory forever. Jen Fitz came to play and sing for our family. We had a huge sing-along in my grandparents back yard. We took family photos and it was a really sad, sad, gray day. But we honored Grandpa in the way he would have wanted it. We came home and celebrated Elizabeths birthday and my mom came up for the party then my mom was hospitalized for Staph infection and I wasnt sure if she would live through it. I couldnt go be with her though as the kids and I needed a mental break and to be at home.
May- My cousins Caiti and Jillie came to visit marking the first time anyone in my family since I have moved here have come to see me and I really liked that. Life settled into a normal routine.
June- Peace and quiet! But another trip to So.Cal this time to see Marty's family for guess what? a funeral for Marty's uncle. But it was good for us to see them after almost 10yrs. I made three really great new friends this month and our friendships have become really important to me.
July- We went to Big Sur on a wonderful family vacation and had a good time. Conner survived a near catastrophe while swimming in the Big Sur river after being sucked into a drainage pipe while a friend of ours was watching him. God is good and allowed him to escape with only a scrape and a healthy dose of fear. We had a majorly hot weekend that came with a 12 hr power outage. Marty ended up with a ambulance ride to the hospital because it was so hot and he was so tired his blood sugar got to low. It was a terrifying experience but I am glad I knew what to do and was able to stay calm during the whole thing.
August- I am laughing because my life has turned into a Country song and unless you knew me and knew all this happened you wouldn't believe it. We went to So.Cal to say goodbye to Grandma and Grandpas house of 51 years. The center of my childhood and the place I called home because it was the only home I ever had to go to. My dad and aunts gave me a nice gift, they took my kids for a week and gave me my grandma and grandpa's bedroom set. It was a huge blessing and such a comfort to me. It helped my grief tremendously. Our Van which is 4 years old decided to no longer run, it would cost us over 6k to fix it and it wouldn't be guaranteed to stay that way. So we had to buy another car and still pay on the van for one more year. What a nightmare spent trying to figure out what was wrong and how to fix it? ( that car sat in my garage for another year and a half. The day it left was a 3 ton weight off my chest)
Sept- I turned 30 and went to Chonda Pierce. We got our new car and started another school year. Things were good!
Oct- The house sold and my dad was devastated, he bought his first home on his own. Our long time friend Gabriel from El Patio died and that was quite bad for my dad. I wanted to run down there again but couldn't. I had to learn to bloom where I am planted.
Nov- Conner turned 9! Big drama with Kim ( my older sister) and her family and even though we don't speak she dragged me in and got people mad at me. That made things bad. We had a quiet Thanksgiving at home and we thankful for many things( read my blog Thankful)
December- much excitement because after 10 years I got to finally meet Candace she was so nice and kind and it is so cool to minister along side of her. It was a amazing blessing to get to go and meet her! We stayed at my dad's new house and went to Knotts. It was great! We had a party at our house for the homeschool kids and I faked it till I made it on Christmas and managed to not spend the whole day crying about Grandma even though everything reminded me of her.
So here I sit reflecting on this terrible year but I see so much good in all these things. My marriage only got better and stronger through all of this. My amazing husband was a rock through it all. My kids and I bonded so much in grief and it has been a hard thing to share but something that made us closer. They did really good in school and Elizabeth reads like crazy and Conner made progress with his school work. My husband has a good job that gave me the resource to go and be with my family when I needed to and I didn't have to worry about money. I was blessed with many good friends who listened and were patient with me during this time. People did so much for me I can never repay but only hope to.
I feel I am a better person and know worrying will get me nowhere fast but that to trust in the Lord and his will for my life. I wont even venture to guess what 2007 will be like because I did that last year and every plan I made got changed and thrown out the window. Instead I am trying to take one day at a time and go with the flow.
Goodbye Annus Horribilis you wont be missed.
To my faithful blog readers- I am going to try to refrain from talking about this stuff anymore so bear with me on this one and look forward to more positive posts in the new year.
A/N Little did I know that my life would get infinitely harder within the next year. This was all before Marty was diagnosed with Renal failure. God had told me Christmas day 2005 that I had a long rough road ahead of me and boy did he ever mean it. Just a few months later, Marty was diagnosed with End Stage Renal failure and we would have the darkest years of our lives until January 2011.
Thursday, December 28, 2006
Christmas is over
I am so happy Christmas is coming to a close. I have been dreading the day for over a year and am glad it has past. I love Christmas and the meaning don't get me wrong but I knew that it meant Grandma would almost be gone a year when it got here. Christmas music made me cry and when my Dad came and we had our nice Christmas dinner it was like there was a elephant in the room no one wanted to talk about or mention. The part that killed me the most was the grocery store was selling poinsettias for 5.99 and last year before Christmas when we went to visit grandma sent me out to buy poinsettias but only if they were less than 7 dollars a plant ( but not small ones). I went to several drug stores and Target, Walmart and Grocery stores and couldnt find any less than 7 dollars. So every time I went to the grocery store this year and saw those 5.99 nice big poinsettas I wanted to cry every time because they made me think of her and my last trip to the store for her. Every time I hear " Here comes Santa Claus " or " Santa Claus is coming to town" I think of Gramps and sitting at the little white table in the kitchen and him singing those songs to me when I was little ( or any of us kids for that matter). Then to add it all together it was my other grandma's birthday and I already missed her on that day. I kept thinking I needed to call someone and had called everyone already. It was a rough one but I was able to keep it together.This year has flown by and I will reflect on that closer to New Years.
Wednesday, December 13, 2006
I want to go to England
My life long dream is to go to England and I have never been.
Now I am desperate to go next summer for the Princess Di concert and memorial. It was announced today and I would walk to go! I cant believe it has been ten years since Catt and I went to LA to sign the condolence books and since Lionel walked up to me and told me he was so sorry for my loss. It also means Conner is almost ten since I was pregnant and I remember people telling me to calm down because they were worried I would lose the baby. I cant believe it has been that long.
It was my life long dream from 5 to meet Princess Di and she was the epitome of my childhood. Now almost ten years have gone by since the day that dream died and I cant believe it. Times flies faster and faster the older you get.
Now I am desperate to go next summer for the Princess Di concert and memorial. It was announced today and I would walk to go! I cant believe it has been ten years since Catt and I went to LA to sign the condolence books and since Lionel walked up to me and told me he was so sorry for my loss. It also means Conner is almost ten since I was pregnant and I remember people telling me to calm down because they were worried I would lose the baby. I cant believe it has been that long.
It was my life long dream from 5 to meet Princess Di and she was the epitome of my childhood. Now almost ten years have gone by since the day that dream died and I cant believe it. Times flies faster and faster the older you get.
Saturday, December 2, 2006
life with a son
This morning as we were dicussing our daily schedule and school schedule I told the kids we were doing baking and crafts after our daily studies. I was making breakfast at the time and Conner says " I am just going to play my play-station and you and sis can do the baking I dont want to learn how to bake." I said" No, you need to learn how to bake" He says " I plan on finding a good wife who can do all that stuff." I about fell on the floor laughing it was so funny. " I told him it is nice to have a husband who knows how to cook and cleanup after himself too." He says " Well, I dont plan on being single" and I say "Neitheir did your Grandpa but he is and he knows how to do all that stuff." then he dropped it and went on. It was so funny!!! The things kids think and say sometimes is so funny.
Sunday, November 26, 2006
Thankful
It was such a great day today and I was able to reflect on things I am thankful for as most of you know I tend to be a complainer and pessimist at times. But I have really been trying to focus on what is good, true, real, noble, praiseworthy these days. During this Thanksgiving holiday I was really missing my Grandma since she taught me most of what I know about cooking Thanksgiving and when reflecting back on this horrible year I tried to see what has been good. So for myself and posterity a list of what I am thankful for:
My Faith
My husband who stands by me and loves me unconditionally and is such a blessing to me.
My two healthy,happy, well behaved, cute kids who love me uncoditionally and bring me joy each day.
That I had 3 wonderful grandparents and got to say goodbye to each and every one of them and be with them and spend time with them before they all passed away.
That I had Grandparents who took the time to teach me stuff
That I had safe places at their homes when my own wasnt so good.
That my relationship with my dad has greatly changed
That I have re-connected with my dad's family and that I got to be there when it mattered most.
That I have close cousins who listen when I need them too.
That I have a home,warm bed,clothes and food.
That my husband has a good job that provides for us so that
I can stay home and teach my children.
I am healthy
One of the biggest ones is that I have been so blessed to have so many really great friendships at all stages of my life. I have old friends, middle of the road friends, friends from jobs, friends who I met when I moved, New friends just so many friends. I have been so blessed to have each and every one of you in my life and I KNOW that I wouldnt have made it through this yr with out all of you in my lives. You have been a shoulder to cry on, a ear to listen and a sounding board for advice. You have prayed and stayed when I have been nuts with grief, sorrow and heartache. As a year comes quickly next month I need to take the time now to say thanks and let you know I am forever grateful and hope I can be there for each and every one of you when you need me.
Thanks
My Faith
My husband who stands by me and loves me unconditionally and is such a blessing to me.
My two healthy,happy, well behaved, cute kids who love me uncoditionally and bring me joy each day.
That I had 3 wonderful grandparents and got to say goodbye to each and every one of them and be with them and spend time with them before they all passed away.
That I had Grandparents who took the time to teach me stuff
That I had safe places at their homes when my own wasnt so good.
That my relationship with my dad has greatly changed
That I have re-connected with my dad's family and that I got to be there when it mattered most.
That I have close cousins who listen when I need them too.
That I have a home,warm bed,clothes and food.
That my husband has a good job that provides for us so that
I can stay home and teach my children.
I am healthy
One of the biggest ones is that I have been so blessed to have so many really great friendships at all stages of my life. I have old friends, middle of the road friends, friends from jobs, friends who I met when I moved, New friends just so many friends. I have been so blessed to have each and every one of you in my life and I KNOW that I wouldnt have made it through this yr with out all of you in my lives. You have been a shoulder to cry on, a ear to listen and a sounding board for advice. You have prayed and stayed when I have been nuts with grief, sorrow and heartache. As a year comes quickly next month I need to take the time now to say thanks and let you know I am forever grateful and hope I can be there for each and every one of you when you need me.
Thanks
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