Humbled

I am so humbled today, someone did something so nice for me. She wrote kind words about me and encouraged me greatly. As we all know, these days have been weary and sometimes bleak, but as of late God has been blessing my socks off. Just when I think he is done, he does something more to show me how proud of me he is and that he cares for me.

 The other night in my cyber travels as a night owl, I ended up chatting on Facebook with a friend whom I am getting to know better. She moved her not too long after Marty was diagnosed and I haven't been able to get to know her very well. But the door has started opening for us to know each other better.

She recently started a blog and you all know, I love to read blogs and hear stories of others journeys. I met two of my very best friends via blogging and I now feel like a cyber auntie of sorts to their children. I know more about their kids than I do my own nieces and nephews. Anyhoo, getting back to Maribeth. She has been writing about her journey as a new wife and mother in a strange place. I highly identify with this journey since it is a path that I have traveled myself. After we chatted, she said she was going to mention my blog on her blog. Little did I know she would write a blog about me! I am so humbled at the way she views me and my walk. Sometimes, I am ashamed at the hard things that have happened in my life. Sometimes, I just feel like hiding them and pretending that they aren't there. But they are and this is the path that God has chosen for me. I have had some wonderful things in my life but there have been some not pretty parts to it either. So when I read it and saw my feelings written by someone else, it was a surreal experience. You can click on the title to read it or click on Maribeth's name. She is a talented writer and I think she is going to go far in this blogging world.

Cute Elizabeth story

  Growing up, my Dad always called me by my full name "Julie Marie" whenever I was in trouble or sometimes just to get my attention. So imagine my suprise when I started hearing Elizabeth yelling at our dog Oscar. "Oscar Marie, you better get over here" I cracked up, so funny. No, her name is not Marie and I don't call her by her middle name when I am mad. So where she got it from is beyond me but so funny! She said she would start calling Max " Max Le Roy" to make me feel better. ( Le Roy is Marty's middle name)


 Kids do and say the funniest things Last night at Conner's baseball game I overheard her introducing her stuffed pig to a little girl.

 "This is Porkers, she is a mother of two. This is her daughter Mary Kate and this is her daughter Ashley."

 I was cracking up! So funny in more ways than one.

Spoke too soon

 Marty is tired of being tired, I am tired of talking about his illness and I am sure you are all tired of hearing about it. But it keeps going on with a unknown timeline as to when this will all end. Basically what happened is the nurse from the dialysis clinic called Monday, good news his phosphorus is down but everything else is bad. The worst part is his BUN ( blood urea nitrogen) is high along with his creatnine is high. Which means he is not getting effective dialysis. We automatically knew the reasoning for this was he has been leaving off one exchange a day. When he does four exchange a day( if you click on the word exchange you can see what that is exactly)He has low blood pressure and nausea to the extreme that he can only lay in bed and not eat. Basically this is what we call be dry, he has taken off too much fluid and is dehydrated. He can't get the fluids back in because he gets sick. In extreme cases we could take him to get a i.v. if need be but he hasn't gotten that bad. So yesterday we did four exchanges, his BP dropped, he got sick and basically had to just lay down and miss work. He got up this morning in the same state but with the addition of a low blood sugar. So we turned off his pump, called the doctors about the low BP and just asked for prayer since that is the only thing that can help us. Thankfully so many people have lifted us up today and we prayed together, he has been feeling better but...........now his BP is up high and his blood sugar has bounced back high too! Now you see our frustration and why we are having one of those dark days in the valley of sickness. Thank you all for praying.

No news is good news

My friend asked me today what was going on with Marty. She said " I figure, No news is, good news" and she is right and wrong. Things are going well to a extent, Marty has evened out somewhat as far as not feeling as ill as he was a few months ago. He has lost quite a bit of the fluid weight that was really making him feel badly, his clothes are getting big on him. His blood pressure is actually dropping low more than it is skyrocketing to uncontrollable levels. He infrequently has to take a pill to get it down, whereas before he was taking two pills a day and wearing a patch at all times. The vomiting is still a issue that comes and goes, sometimes he can eat and be fine and other times it isn't pretty. That is probably the roughest thing we are dealing with at this point, the constant stomach issues.

 We went and saw Dr.Heaney this month. He said he was "pleased with Marty's progress" and that is HUGE. We are hoping for even better blood work reports this month. We haven't heard anything and that is a good sign, if something was wrong they would call right away. So everything is okay, just really he has good days and he has bad days. When it is good it is nice and when it is bad it is stressful and difficult. Mostly he sleeps all of the time he isn't working and really only does stuff on Sunday for church. Anything else is just too much for him. He is tired of being tired.


  We are ready for transplant, it can't happen soon enough. We are ready and waiting for the call, somedays it feels like it will never happen. We thought it would happen two years ago, but obviously that didn't happen. Now it just feels like a dream, a far distant reality. Our insurance will stop covering dialysis next April and he will have to go on Medicare when that time comes. We hope that time never comes and that this will all be over by then.


That's about all that is going on right now. When our company came they saw how hard it is and experienced a bit of "cranky" Marty for themselves. I think it opened their eyes to just how rough things have gotten with his health. He really does a lot and is a testimony of faithfullness to all around him.

Promises of scripture

Isaiah 40:31 (New International Version)

 ³¹ but those who hope in the LORD 

       will renew their strength. 

       They will soar on wings like eagles; 

       they will run and not grow weary, 

       they will walk and not be faint.

I have read this scripture many times, heard it quoted many times and always liked it. But to say, I actually grasped what it meant until last week is a different story. As you know ( if you read my blog) a couple of weeks ago, I hit bottom. I just was worn out, overdone and really tired of everything. I had grown weary of the way things are right now. I know God is in control, that things will get better someday and this is only temporary. But to live it, everyday is hard.

 Our pastor talked with me, he prayed with me. A good friend prayed with me and shared some scripture. Then I had a virtual girl's night out with my blog besties. All of the sudden, things started to look up. Then my cousins Brianne and Sarah came to visit. I haven't seen any family besides my parents in two years. So it was huge for them to come and be with us for a few days. They left and spring break has been in full swing. I went and had coffee with a friend this morning, walked with another friend this afternoon. This weekend our good friend Rachel is coming to visit. 

God has lifted me up, he has helped me stand up and walk. I truly understand what that scripture means now. I see how just the minute you feel like you can not go on, God says "you can and you will". Life is good and I am enjoying every minute.

I will be here

Today is our 14th anniversary a very proud day for us. I woke up and played this song for Marty this morning, truly speaks of where we are at right now. I will be here no matter what, in sickness and in health. Steven Curtis Chapman wrote this song for his wife Mary Beth.

"There is a season"

Ecclesiastes 3

 A Time for Everything

 1 There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven: 2 a time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to uproot, 3 a time to kill and a time to heal, a time to tear down and a time to build, 4 a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance, 5 a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them, a time to embrace and a time to refrain, 6 a time to search and a time to give up, a time to keep and a time to throw away, 7 a time to tear and a time to mend, a time to be silent and a time to speak, 8 a time to love and a time to hate, a time for war and a time for peace. 9 What does the worker gain from his toil? 10 I have seen the burden God has laid on men. 11 He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end. 12 I know that there is nothing better for men than to be happy and do good while they live. 13 That everyone may eat and drink, and find satisfaction in all his toil—this is the gift of God. 14 I know that everything God does will endure forever; nothing can be added to it and nothing taken from it. God does it so that men will revere him.

  A friend called me and read this to me a day after my last entry. It really spoke to me like never before, there is a time for everything in life and this is the time for my life right now. It was so encouraging to me and really was something I wanted to write down for posterity. I was having a breakdown last week, Marty was down and brought me down with him. Of course, I willing went down on my own accord and I know that it is okay to have breakdowns. I had several friends praying for me and encouraging me at the end of last week.

 First my good friend S, called and prayed for me and with me. She shared this scripture with me and really helped me deal with a nonsensical issue that was bugging me. I called and talked with my Pastor about things and he prayed for me and encouraged me. Friday night, I was able to have a virtual girls night out with my girlfriends Di and Andrea, it was fun to cut loose and enjoy myself. It was fun to have time just chatting and being together, even three hundred miles away. Then on Saturday, I took Conner to cattle roundup at at Scott and Dee Dee's ranch. Elizabeth had her second tennis lesson and I enjoyed the beautiful weather while watching her.

  After that Marty had Band of Brothers, while we were at the church we got to see our friends Jason and Michelle. They moved away a couple of years ago, Marty was very close with Jason and it was such a boost to see them and get great hugs. Then a great day at church yesterday, followed by a afternoon of  funny texts from a friend. To top it all off, I ran into my best friend at the grocery store and she was wearing a really special necklace. It is a necklace in memory of Audrey Smith, daughter of Angie Smith whose blog is one of my all time favorite blogs. It is by Lisa Leonard designs and really cute, you can go check it out here
Really a great necklace for a great price, I have already asked for one for Mother's day. Thanks for all of your prayers and support. They mean the world to me!