Right now this is how I am living. Had a funny dream about my Grandma last night and was laughing about it all day. I heard a missionary speak at church and he said something that really resonated with me. Dont say yo-yo prayers. Meaning dont say a prayer or pray about something and then yank it back and take it back. Give it over and leave it there. I think in some ways I have been doing this lately by saying prayers and then taking them back. Worrying about my mom,dad,grandpa and this other situation. I lay all these things down right now and i am not picking them up again. Gonna walk by faith.
Monday, February 20, 2006
I love to talk and could ramble on forever. I just sent of a random rambling message and feel the need to continue. I have a center in my life and I know Jesus is that center for me. He is a constant in my life and Marty and the kids are part of that. Right at this moment I feel as if we are in the middle of a tornado standing still. Alot of things are going on around me My Grandma is gone, My Grandpa has taken a bed in ICU right next to the one grandma was in and only God truly knows what will happen with him. I am still trying to drag my Dad to the doctor and my mom has to have surgery probably to remove a tumor in her salivary gland. So many of the people I love are struggling right now. I feel at peace about all these things but see them swirling and know I can 't control any of it. Waiting is hard......I continue to want to take the hard road and not fall apart and continue to grow in God.... I am so glad that I moved away from my family and found my own way. Even though it was hard and it changed my relationship to them for a long time I am glad I did it because I know I wouldnt be doing well during all of this and I would be falling apart and taking my family with me. I am so happy that I can say that I have been not doing that..... God is a constant even though we feel that the world around us is crumbling.......
Thursday, February 9, 2006
Did you know I can fix a garbage disposal and am pretty handy at vaccuum repair also.......Why is that? because I am really bad with both things and was forced to learn how to fix them. Even though this round the vaccuum won out and at least its under warranty for a few more months...
Monday, February 6, 2006
Trying to get back to normal without feeling like something bad is going to happen. Maybe it's just walking by faith and trusting that everything will happen in it's time. need to clean,need to work, need to organize everything back into it's place. Need to need to need to. I have taken a month off and now I need to see I said it again. Well, "The Sun will come out tomorrow, clear away the cobwebs and the sorrow's there will be sun. Tomorrow, Tomorrow is only a day a way."
Sunday, February 5, 2006
Well... It is finished Grandma has been gone a week now. It was hard going to her house and her not being there. She was the life of the house and even harder after the funeral a billion people being there and her not. It was hard going and trying to keep it together. Seeing grandpa cry was the worst most heartbraking part of it all. I think I have had my fill of Whittier for a while though and am wanting to start putting the pieces back together from the rubble. Really the rubble has more to do with my messy house and cleaning that up. I am hoping for some normalcy but am unsure if that will last long for several reasons but I am praying and that's all I can do!!!!!!! I walk by faith not by sight.. just a side note last night when I got home I thought "oh, I should call Grandma to tell her I am home." Then I remember she is gone...... I miss you Grandma and always will.