Monday, June 30, 2008
Saturday, June 28, 2008
Our sunflower has bloomed
The biggest news came yesterday, the nurse told us that in her 12years in the field he is only the second patient she has encountered already on a transplant list. I guess most people start dialysis and then get referred, so another blessing that many can see. Our situation is rare to the professionals, but we know why, because we are in the hands of a mighty God. We have so many people praying on our behalf and I know God is answering those prayers.
Marty is still sore from the incisions, it has really thrown him for a loop. We also have had to adjust his medication schedule since he is used to sleeping during the day and working at night. Emotionally he has handled this pretty well. There have been rough days but for the most part he has been very positive and trying his best.
The next step is to start dialysis here at home on our own, we are expecting that to happen next week. After that we are pushing hard to get the heart catheter test done, before he goes back to work. After he gets that test done and passes, he can be activated on the transplant list. We are getting close but we know it is not in our time. I always think of our special angel, last night as I was driving home I was wondering what that person was doing on a summer's night. I pray their days are happy and fufilling, I pray for their family. I know on the day of our joy that it will be somebody else's hardest day ever, please pray for them. I pray that they know God and that they have a strong faith in him, I pray they can lean on Jesus as we have. As always, pray for no infection, that he will tolerate the dialysis well and for the heart test to be normal.
P.S. I get asked a lot how I am doing, I am doing well. Somedays I get weary but I try to remain upbeat and positive. I am doing well, I am very focused on the task at hand and pushing forward each day.
Tuesday, June 24, 2008
Sunday, June 22, 2008
That's what my friend Olga said when she called yesterday. I got a call from her when we were at bowling for us to come to dinner or her bring dinner. I got home to tell Marty and he said "Michelle just called she has something in the oven for us." so I had to call Olga and cancel. She wants us to come today but I really don't think Marty is up for that.
Marty is doing well, his last session at the doctor went better than the first. He is just tired and sore still but hanging in there. He mostly moves slow and wishes he could sleep on his side once again.
The kids are bored or so they say. They want to go, go,go but we can't right now, good news VBS starts tomorrow and they will be getting lots of fun for five days. So they will have a great week of doing fun things.
I am trying to download some pics to share of the garden, the sunflowers are the biggest yet. I am very excited to see how big they grow.
That's about all from our neck of the woods, just keep praying for us. We see many answers to prayer each day and feel them covering us in love.
Wednesday, June 18, 2008
Things are going well, Marty has been up most days sitting on the new reclining couch. His stomach is still sore and the only way I can describe it is like a c-section patient. His stomach muscles are weak and he needs to strengthen them. I left for a bit yesterday to take a paper to the doctor and came home to find him getting sick. It was a little too soon to leave, today he came with me to do errands. He sat in the car with the A/C running and did well, I think he liked seeing the outside world.
Tomorrow he goes to the dialysis clinic to get his bandage changed and the catheter flushed. He is scared it will hurt, I can't blame him. I think the reality of this disease is setting in for us, life has now changed. Before we were just living with a diagnosis and now we are living with a condition, very different feeling. I must admit, I am scared too! I know I haven't said that before but it is true.
Will he do well? Will he be able to work? Will it fail? Will this be long?
All things none of us can answer, they rest in the hands of God. All we can do is be faithful and grow through this time. I have been a bit emotional the past few days, I was crying watching America's Got Talent tonight. My heart is hurting a bit, something I am praying my way through. I wonder what it will be like when the big surgery comes? I think for the most part people around us just don't get it at this point.
As I have been struggling, I have been hearing this verse over and over in my head. It is our family's verse, it has been for years. It is still true and I hold on to it's promise.
Matthew 6:25 " Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them, Are you not much more valuable than they? Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?
" And why do you worry about your clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? So do not worry, saying, "What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink' or 'What shall we wear' For the Pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.
Sunday, June 15, 2008
One reason I can be so strong is that Marty has been strong for me all these years. I am so blessed that God has given me a wonderful partner in life. When we married and made that covenant, we said "in sickness and health". Marty is so strong, fair, loyal, loving and kind, a real solid guy who I am so blessed to be married to. I am so glad that at 19 I was able to see just a glimpse of who he could be in the future and we stuck together.
Marty had a great dad who loved the Lord, I was able to know Martin well and be able to see him stay strong in his faith at the end of his life. Martin loved Jesus and showed how to live as a godly man in times of trial. He was a very sick man himself, which is so hard for me to understand why Marty has to be sick too. Martin was faithful to God even when he had lost both legs, gone through two rounds of Kidney failure. He pretty much raised Marty on his own without much help from Marty's mom. When Martin died, Marty said at his funeral " I hope I can be a quarter of the father my dad was." Our biggest regret is that he didn't get to see us loving Jesus the way he did, that he didn't get to meet his grandchildren and see us be happy.
Marty, you are a wonderful father, much more than a quarter of your dad. You teach our kids to be honest, strong, brave and kind. It isn't a fluke that Conner does everything just the way you do it, he watches you and wants to be like you. Elizabeth is just like you, down to even liking the same foods you do. They are so glad to have such a good daddy like you, I am so glad you are choosing to fight for us. I know you are wanting to get better for us, we want you to know we are going to be there for you. Happy Father's day
We are home and Marty is resting soundly in his own bed.
Thank you all for praying, I know God was answering them and sending us comfort and peace. We got to the hospital at one o' clock on Friday. He was not aloud to eat from midnight on Thursday, poor guy. I felt so bad for him, especially when Conner was trying to take care of him by trying feed him and trying to get him something to drink. It was cute but I know it was torture for him.
Surgery started at three and I was able to go eat with my dear friend Michelle. I hadn't eaten all day because I felt bad eating in front of Marty. So I scarfed down my food because they said it would be only a half hour surgery. We rushed back to the waiting room and waited, and waited and waited some more. Finally it was all over by four thirty and he was in his room by six o'clock. Michelle happened to know our first nurse and she was really friendly but it was shift change. The night nurse Mina was wonderful and very through, the only problem was they had to wake him up every two hours. When he got up, I got up, that is another story in itself.
I wasn't sure I would be able to stay the night with him, so I brought nothing. Then when I was able he needed help and I couldn't leave. So I stayed the night in my clothes and sandals, note to self wear shoes and socks next time. Anyways, he did very well in the night, not a lot of pain mostly just discomfort. I think you could liken it to a c-section since it is in the same area, it is hard to bend mostly. He did get sick a few times from a medication they kept giving him but other than that he did great.
Today we were able to sleep, our day nurse was too busy to come in our room. So we saw two doctors and then we got to come home. He is resting well in bed and I am glad to sleep all night and be able to clean up.
It did hit me yesterday, life is different now. This is the start of the real thing, so far it has been happening with no outward signs. I will admit I am scared, I am uncertain of what the future holds. But, I know who holds the future and what the bible says about that, this I take comfort in. I still feel tremendous peace and comfort, I did have a few moments today where I was teary over things.
The main source of my tearfulness was the fact that nobody came. Our pastor was unable to come, our church friends didn't come, I am so glad Michelle could come and Alyce would have if her mother in law didn't have a appointment. The thing about it is, more people who aren't around support us more than the people right here in front of us. I think so of it is, I talk more about it online because then Marty doesn't have to hear it. He is very private and doesn't like to talk about it. I don't know but I do know that God knows, he understands and he is there for me. I was crying and I heard that still small voice tell me " I am here, I understand, I know". God wants me to lean on him, not people. I am so glad for all the support I get from my online buddies, including a newly made one. I know it isn't coincidence most of these friendships started within the past year. Normally you could say, oh it is just by chance but I can't explain it that way. I sometimes wish everyone lived here, then I could have someone to hug and cry with, pray with and just someone to be there with me. Right now, it doesn't make sense but I know some day it all will. I know the people around us care, I have so many wonderful friends, I just think they really don't grasp it yet. I think most of it is just my emotions coming out on something so little and not true. Sometimes stress has funny ways of showing itself and I think little things have been bugging me more than normal.
I am thankful for the beautiful flowers some friends sent, I am thankful for Michelle sitting with me, I am thankful for those who text messaged me, messaged me and tweeted with me. I am thankful to my ever present friend Robin who took my kids for 24 hrs. Michelle also came and let the dogs out and put their kennel out. My friend Amy emailed today and offered dinner for our family. Thank you all for everything, it means the world to me, more than you could ever know. Marty appreciates it even if you aren't hearing him say it, I know he feels it and is so thankful.
Jeremiah 29:11 " For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, " plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future."
Friday, June 13, 2008
Today is the surgery at 3pm, he will not be able to eat after midnight. It is going to be a long day for us. As always pray for no infection, good surgery and for peace for Marty.
So many answered prayers this week, yet another today, his kidney function actually was better as well as his blood pressure and blood sugar. Doesn't mean no dialysis but it does mean no hemodialysis while in the hospital. That is very good news!
As my Aunt Maggie told me today, things have been going smoothly and we continue to believe they will go that way. It is almost as if God laid out a map before us and showed us the way, only one time did he change our directions and send us a different way. I have faith that things will continue to go the way in front of us. Hopefully we can start looking forward to complete healing and a new lease on life.
Thank you all for your support, calls, comments and emails. I even got flowers today from some caring friends. I feel so blessed and supported, even if you are doing it and not saying I can feel it.
Thursday, June 12, 2008
We got a call from the Dr.'s office today, they wanted to see Marty tomorrow before surgery. This was very out of the blue and we were concerned something came back in the blood work. So Marty asked "Why? anything to be concerned about?" and Ron the nurse explained. Apparently the office manager let their contract with our insurance lapse. So basically their home dialysis unit could not train Marty. Since we have been working on this for over a year it was a sudden shock.
Ron went on to state we might have to switch to another dialysis center and deal with people we didn't know. I was very stressed about this, their idea was to maybe put Marty off and wait for a contract. I knew that was risky, it might mean hemo dialysis instead for awhile. Here we are two days before surgery and suddenly things have fallen apart. So I started praying and saying the Lord's prayer, especially the part "Thy will be done" over and over. I just didn't even know how to pray at that point. I went to Heaney's office and talked with Ron, who felt very badly and worried they had broken our trust. I knew that it was unforeseen and not something they knew. I told them I had full faith in our medical group to get things done quickly, they always have.
I came home and started to think about sending out a emergency prayer request to everyone. I was in dialogue with God and the phone rang. It was Ron, he said " you know what, you were right, the medical group is good." he went on to say " They decided to make a exception and authorize us to treat Marty. They knew we had been working with him and decided to let things continue." WHOA, so amazing how God worked it all out, I was amazed!
God is in control, he is real and he answers your prayers
Sunday, June 8, 2008
As some of you know I am in a constant battle with Elizabeth and her room. She is very messy, I know the apple doesn't fall far from the tree there. I wasn't called "messy moose" for nothing growing up. I am not messy now, so there is hope but for now it is a battle to keep things clean. She likes to makes messes in her room, the bathroom, the school room, down the stairs and in the living room. She has been even known to make a mess in my room which then she gets banned from coming in. Anyways, I have been putting my foot down about cleaning her room for her lately. I have organized it and taught her how to pick it up herself, really just toy's and book's is her job. Anyways, last weekend we had a 6 hour stand off in which I made her sit there until she cleaned up. This week it went right back to a huge mess and I made her clean it yesterday and she did pretty well. The exception being she re-organized it her own way, it looks awful but she likes it. I keep telling her she is setting herself up for it to be a mess again and let me help her organize it. She started crying and was disappointed, then I felt bad and thought I should let it be. I told her we can just shut the door when people come over and that made her cry. She really is proud and I have to encourage her and live with the mess I guess. Sometimes teaching and encouraging can be so hard, all we can do is try our best.
Wednesday, June 4, 2008
Marty finally told his work, he had to tell them he was having surgery and told a Lieutenant today. I am proud of him, he is scared though, still scared he is going to get fired. I keep telling him they can't do that but he is still scared. I know it will all work out, it always does in some way or another.
Monday, June 2, 2008
This is my great nephew Casper, son of my nephew Chris. He was born in 06 and we fell in love with him. Chris and Casper's mom had a falling out and he didn't fight for custody. My sister sent this picture she found today, he is so cute. I was thinking of him and wondering about him a few weeks back. I am so glad to see him today....I pray he is a happy boy.
Surgery is next Friday the 13th, good thing we aren't superstitious. Marty did really well today and I think he is feeling a peace about everything. He said " I am ready to get it over with and get started." Answered prayer already, thank you all for praying and supporting us, it means the world to us.
He goes to see the surgeon today at 9:30, they will give the surgery date for his catheter insertion. He will have to take four to six weeks off work and he is not wanting to do that. He has never had surgery and is nervous. He is just having a hard time in general, I am the same still at peace and resting in God's hands.