Thursday, April 27, 2006

My husband is driving me nuts

Marty is driving me nuts about going to the dentist!!! I amde him an appointment and now he is complaining about it. He hates the dentist( who doesnt) and is anxious over going. I found a really great dentist with great pain control methods and still. He wants to be knocked out and go. Then he says if they hurt him or he needs work he is going to schedule it for the dates of our cruise. He says " you laugh at me now but you wait until you try to get me into the car tomorrow." I am laughing hysterically. He is going!! Pray for me please! Pray for him!

Wednesday, April 26, 2006

He survived~Ok, I survived

The dentist is over and who came home in pain? me. Anyways we will officially be broke by the time our work is done and will have nice teeth.......... Ok so while I was out doing this I saw two grown men with their boxers showing and pants below that.Why must we see their underwear!!!!!!! This drives me nuts I just want to scream when I see this................

Sunday, April 23, 2006


Well it is a gray spring day but still spring. Life is picking up and moving on and that is good. Bad days have turned into better days. I am still pondering things from that such as my dad's reaction to his parents death which is at best confusing. Making bad relationships within the family better. What becomes of our relationships is a place only faith can take you. I have hope and peace that it will be good. Sometimes it is hard to understand why someone you have done so much for and taken care of walks away from that relationship. Nothing bad has happened you have done nothing wrong yet the person just doesnt seem to care. It is a heartbreak but really in the end all that matters is my relationships with my husband and kids and that is wonderful and the joys of new relationships in the family and old ones healing. I love having a great relationship with them and am so thankful that the past is past and future is bright.

Saturday, April 15, 2006

proof for lots of things

Preface I am a known anglophile, nerd

Ok. finally I will not depress you. So I have used another side of my brain Jill during this time. When my mom had surgery I took Pride and Prejudice to read. never read it before and never knowingly saw any movie about it. I had watched Bridget Jones une and duex but never knew they were based on that book. So I read the book and fell in love with it. So I rented the BBC version at the end of my stay and watched it with my mom. Then after 2 weeks of trying watched the New version and liked it. Not sure which one I like better yet I rent a modern day version that is made by mormons. Then I rented Bride and Predjudice made by the same lady who made Bend it Like Beckham one of my favorite guilty pleasures. I really liked it set in India and was really good. So now I have bought another two versions off Ebay to see once and for all what is the best version. I know and you know if you really know me YES< I am nuts!!! Marty told me I have a problem*Laughing Hyusterically at myself close to snorting* So I will let you know. See Jill I really am secretly using the other side of my brain.

Friday, April 14, 2006

I can't think of a title

So life is moving on and last week during school Conner informed me he was stressed out about Grandma and Grandpa(or Poppa as they called him) dying. So I decided to take this week off for spring break and relax. It has been nice and busy,busy everyday. Seeing alot of friends who teach or have kids in school that we never get to see has been fun all around. Last night, Elizabeth came down with a reader that I have been trying to get her to read and starts just reading it to me. This after she cried through five words of it last week. So we called her grandma and read to her and then she looks at me and says" I wish I could call Poppa and read to him. He would be so proud of me." Knife in heart and the semi scab has been ripped off again! So we called her Grandpa to read to him and she says to him" I wish Grandma and Grandpa could hear me read they would like that." Salt in the wound and I hear his scab rip open. That is alot coming from her because she never shows emotion or feeling about things like that( She isnt like anyone in the family is she:) I wont mention names here insert your own) Anyways, life goes on and on but the healing is day by day. Trying to figure it out............................

Tuesday, April 4, 2006

Life goes on

Or does it? I know it does but at this moment, I think the grief is starting to happen. I went down for the funeral and it was really nice. At first it was surreal because it seemed just like Grandma's and I kept thinking did this really happen? is this real? I knew it was but I couldnt get my head around it. Then at the burial they found out the urns wouldnt fit together in the niche they bought and this really disturbing scene took place of the guy trying to fit them in togethter while juggling the urns. Now I know Grandma and Grandpa arent in those urns,just their remains but still very weird. Then we went back to the house and it was like the same as last time. Then Jen our friend who is Irish got out her guitar and sang and we sang it just made the whole thing so wonderful. Grandpa loved to sing and it really made it so special and different for him. Then the fun began and boy did we have fun! We got a family picture as the family is now and only two people were missing. Now we will have to start life after death and process what really just happened. I stayed at their house one night at it was hard. When you walk up to the house you first think OK, their in there. Then you walk in and their not, I found myself wanting to scream at one point when it was just Elizabeth and I in the house. I wanted to yell "Grandma, Gramps you here?" but I knew they werent there any more. I couldnt sit still I just kept wandering around like I was looking for something and couldn't find it.  I figured out later the "it" was them and they were gone. The house just permeates with them everything is about them and the memories just are everywhere. I will be sad when the house is gone and we cant go there anymore. It was a place of solice for everyone where for one minute life was great and time stopped.
So much to say and so hard to get it all out.......