Tuesday, April 4, 2006

Life goes on

Or does it? I know it does but at this moment, I think the grief is starting to happen. I went down for the funeral and it was really nice. At first it was surreal because it seemed just like Grandma's and I kept thinking did this really happen? is this real? I knew it was but I couldnt get my head around it. Then at the burial they found out the urns wouldnt fit together in the niche they bought and this really disturbing scene took place of the guy trying to fit them in togethter while juggling the urns. Now I know Grandma and Grandpa arent in those urns,just their remains but still very weird. Then we went back to the house and it was like the same as last time. Then Jen our friend who is Irish got out her guitar and sang and we sang it just made the whole thing so wonderful. Grandpa loved to sing and it really made it so special and different for him. Then the fun began and boy did we have fun! We got a family picture as the family is now and only two people were missing. Now we will have to start life after death and process what really just happened. I stayed at their house one night at it was hard. When you walk up to the house you first think OK, their in there. Then you walk in and their not, I found myself wanting to scream at one point when it was just Elizabeth and I in the house. I wanted to yell "Grandma, Gramps you here?" but I knew they werent there any more. I couldnt sit still I just kept wandering around like I was looking for something and couldn't find it.  I figured out later the "it" was them and they were gone. The house just permeates with them everything is about them and the memories just are everywhere. I will be sad when the house is gone and we cant go there anymore. It was a place of solice for everyone where for one minute life was great and time stopped.
So much to say and so hard to get it all out.......