Saturday, December 30, 2006

2006, My Annus Horribilis

I once heard Queen Elizabeth say that about the year 199. I  never thought there would be a year horrible enough in my life. This year, 2006 is my annus horribilis, I have volumes to say on this year much of it not good in my mind. So because I use this blog for my venting purposes and as a record, I will speak my mind frankly and one last time for posterity.

January- before it was here it was bad. My Grandma got sick Christmas day and was hanging on to life in a hospital. My  friend Robin had a heart attack two days later on her birthday and I was torn between staying here and helping or going to be with my family. I needed to be there and wanted to be there but needed to be here too. " I took a picture I don't like to look at" ( that picture graces the top of this blog) on December 27th that reminds me of all those feelings being torn. I ended up going on Dec 29th and spent New Years with my family in So.Cal. I will never forget the time I spent with Grandpa and how God blessed me with the most precious time in my life with Grandpa. He told me things and shared things and gave me his blessing to go on in life. I stayed to help care for him so everyone could be with Grandma.

 I took him to the doctor and the doctor told him to come back in March and he told him, " I wont be here in March my days are numbered." I kinda had a inkling to believe him then but I made him that appointment. Grandma came home,we visited and Conner got to go spend time with her. She called him "Moon-face" without even speaking. It was precious! We said goodbye knowing it would be final. We left and came home and tried to re-group and get life moving again. Sunday January 26th I awoke to my dad calling to tell me Grandma was gone.

February- We went to So.Cal to say goodbye to Grandma and it was hard for many reasons. God was good and gave me the strength to deal with many difficult situations. I left Grandpa crying on the side of his bed and told him I would be back soon. The next week he went into the hospital and they couldn't really figure out what was wrong with him. You cant see a broken heart on a x-ray. Tried to get life on track and be normal again. Spent most days calling my dad to check on Grandpa. My mom found a lump in her face and found out it was a tumor and needed surgery. Marty turned 30 and he says he is still 29! We had a nice birthday for him.

March- packed my kids,our traveling school house up again, and went to So.Cal to care for my mom after much drama of which daughter would do that. We got there and went straight to see Gramps at the rehab hospital. I said to him " I said I would come see you at home not here" I said " it has only been a couple of weeks and look where you are" he had been in and out of reality.I wasn't sure he even knew what I was talking about,he looked at me and said" It has been six weeks" and I almost fell over because he was right! My mom had the surgery , things looked good and the kids got to have some fun with cousins. Grandpa ended up in ICU mid-week. I went and talked with him and told him if he wanted to go be with Grandma it was okay.He said that is what he wanted and I told him to ask God to take him, the next day he called for his priest to come to him. He told my aunt, " I cant do this without my girl."

 My mom was recovering,I needed to go home to be with Marty for our 10th anniversary and bring normal to my kids in some way. I went to the hospital to say "Goodbye Gramps" I rubbed his hair and told him I loved him and he told me he loved me. I said "Thank you for everything" He said "Your Welcome".

 I came home and the next day he went home to his house. Marty and I celebrated 10 wonderful years of marriage on the 23rd and he bought me a beautiful new ring that I love. We went out to dinner and had a really great time and also celebrated that it was our nephews 1st birthday. That Sunday March 26th, eight weeks to the day that grandma died during my after church nap I got the call from my dad that Grandpa had gone to be with his girl.

April- We drove down to So.Cal to say goodbye to Gramps and had a huge family party that will live on in  my  memory forever. Jen Fitz came to play and sing for our family. We had a huge sing-along in my grandparents back yard. We took family photos and it was a really sad, sad, gray day. But we honored Grandpa in the way he would have wanted it. We came home and celebrated Elizabeths birthday and my mom came up for the party then my mom was hospitalized for Staph infection and I wasnt sure if she would live through it. I couldnt go be with her though as the kids and I needed a mental break and to be at home.

May- My cousins Caiti and Jillie came to visit marking the first time anyone in my family since I have moved here have come to see me and I really liked that. Life settled into a normal routine.

June- Peace and quiet! But another trip to So.Cal this time to see Marty's family for guess what? a funeral for Marty's uncle. But it was good for us to see them after almost 10yrs. I made three really great new friends this month and our friendships have become really important to me.

July- We went to Big Sur on a wonderful family vacation and had a good time. Conner survived a near catastrophe while swimming in the Big Sur river after being sucked into a drainage pipe while a friend of ours was watching him. God is good and allowed him to escape with only a scrape and a healthy dose of fear. We had a majorly hot weekend that came with a 12 hr power outage. Marty ended up with a ambulance ride to the hospital because it was so hot and he was so tired his blood sugar got to low. It was a terrifying experience but I am glad I knew what to do and was able to stay calm during the whole thing.

August- I am laughing because my life has turned into a Country song and unless you knew me and knew all this happened you wouldn't believe it. We went to So.Cal to say goodbye to Grandma and Grandpas house of 51 years. The center of my childhood and the place I called home because it was the only home I ever had to go to. My dad and aunts gave me a nice gift, they  took my kids for a week and gave me my grandma and grandpa's bedroom set. It was a huge blessing and such a comfort to me. It helped my grief tremendously. Our Van which is 4 years old decided to no longer run, it would cost us over 6k to fix it and it wouldn't be guaranteed to stay that way. So we had to buy another car and still pay on the van for one more year. What a nightmare spent trying to figure out what was wrong and how to fix it? ( that car sat in my garage for another year and a half. The day it left was a 3 ton weight off my chest)

Sept- I turned 30 and went to Chonda Pierce. We got our new car and started another school year. Things were good!

Oct- The house sold and my dad was devastated, he bought his first home on his own. Our long time friend Gabriel from El Patio died and that was quite bad for my dad. I wanted to run down there again but couldn't. I had to learn to bloom where I am planted.

Nov- Conner turned 9! Big drama with Kim ( my older sister) and her family and even though we don't speak she dragged me in and got people mad at me. That made things bad. We had a quiet Thanksgiving at home and we thankful for many things( read my blog Thankful)

December- much excitement because after 10 years I got to finally meet Candace she was so nice and kind and it is so cool to minister along side of her. It was a amazing blessing to get to go and meet her! We stayed at my dad's new house and went to Knotts. It was great! We had a party at our house for the homeschool kids and I faked it till I made it on Christmas and managed to not spend the whole day crying about Grandma even though everything reminded me of her.

So here I sit reflecting on this terrible year but I see so much good in all these things. My marriage only got better and stronger through all of this. My amazing husband was a rock through it all. My kids and I bonded so much in grief and it has been a hard thing to share but something that made us closer. They did really good in school and Elizabeth reads like crazy and Conner made progress with his school work. My husband has a good job that gave me the resource to go and be with my family when I needed to and I didn't have to worry about money. I was blessed with many good friends who listened and were patient with me during this time. People did so much for me I can never repay but only hope to.

I feel I am a better person and know worrying will get me nowhere fast but that to trust in the Lord and his will for my life. I wont even venture to guess what 2007 will be like because I did that last year and every plan I made got changed and thrown out the window. Instead I am trying to take one day at a time and go with the flow.

Goodbye Annus Horribilis you wont be missed.

To my faithful blog readers- I am going to try to refrain from talking about this stuff anymore so bear with me on this one and look forward to more positive posts in the new year.

A/N Little did I know that my life would get infinitely harder within the next year. This was all before Marty was diagnosed with Renal failure. God had told me Christmas day 2005 that I had a long rough road ahead of me and boy did he ever mean it. Just a few months later, Marty was diagnosed with End Stage Renal failure and we would have the darkest years of our lives until January 2011.