Friday, March 29, 2013

Confessions of a Messy Moose

I was a naughty, busy little girl, who was extremely curious and mischievous  In addition to those traits, I was extremely uncoordinated and clumsy. I ran into walls, fell and got hurt constantly....and we aren't talking your regular scrapes and bruises, we are talking gashes and stitches. This prompted my parents to start calling me "Messy Moose",( I was messy too, really messy) for most of my childhood.

My first accident was jumping on my parents waterbed at 18 months old, that led to stitches in my forehead. You can still see the scar when I laugh or make certain faces. Then there was the night at dinner, when I was sitting at my little wooden table next to the big table. I was pushing my chair back on the legs while eating and fell backwards, the issue was I had the fork in my mouth and stabbed myself in the back of the throat. I still remember my mom putting a towel to my face as blood came running out.

I put my cat in the refrigerator( they kept hearing him meow, I finally told them " I put him in the fwidgerator'') he never liked me again? I was only two, not sure what possessed me. I bit my sister when she came home from the hospital, I stole her bottle. I was a bad seed, a very bad seed.

There was also my childhood drinking problem, my Dad thought my mom was drinking wine all day and she kept denying it. Then they finally found me with the door pulled just so sitting on the bottom shelf drinking wine. Oh and did I mention the I had my first hangover at three, I guess that at my aunt's wedding, I went around picking up drinks off the tables. I told my mom the next day, ''Mommy, I have a fuzzy head." No wonder that I have never liked to drink, I cured myself of that.

Then I moved on to the harder stuff. One sunny Saturday morning, my parents were mowing the lawn and I was playing on the lawn. I thought the gasoline for the mower was lemonade and drank it, my Dad turned around just in time to see it. I don't remember getting my stomach pumped, I do remember Bernie giving me an Ernie doll after my hospital visit. Sadly, I didn't learn my lesson and drank kerosene from a little glass mouse oil burner months later. My parents always say, back then if CPS had been around, they would have been in big trouble.

I was a bit like Elmyra from Tiny Toons, I loved my animals sometimes too much. I accidently loved my guinea pig too hard and he died. I love the cat mentioned above, not sure why I did what I did. I loved my parakeet Duke, I thought giving him salted sunflower seeds would be a treat? I guess not.

They kept having my eyes tested and knew something wasn't quite right. Finally in elementary school they found out that I had under developed motor skills because I never crawled as a baby. I skipped the crawling and just walked. So I had to have therapy for under-defined motor skills during my elementary school years.....I was special indeed.

I have recently been asked about a picture that I included in my cousin Andy's birthday blog. It is a picture of me watching Andy blow out his candles with a head bandage on.

Well, there is a story and of course it involves me being clutzy. I had my childhood friend Christena over to visit one day after school, this was a big deal since my parents worked and I rarely got to bring friends home. We had just finished watching our favorite movie "Nadia" when my friend called us to come outside. I was running down the hallway to the staircase and tripped....putting my head through the wrought iron banister. My head was stuck and I had to have it pulled out of the bars. 

I split my lip in two and had a huge goose egg. The hospital said everything was fine, stitched my lip and sent me home. After my stitches were removed, they realized my head was still swollen and discovered a hematoma. I had cracked my skull and had bruising between my skull and skin. My sisters never ate grape jelly again because they watched them cut my head open to remove the hematoma! My head is still misshapen in that area.

It's a wonder that my parents survived my childhood! Mainly after that incident the worst I did was sprain my ankle yearly in my tween and teen years. Well, there was the one time when I jumped from a moving car and got pretty skinned up. I was mainly messy in those years, always spilling something on my clothes and the like. 

 I am still not graceful by any means but I don't get hurt often any longer. I am very neat however, I really detest messes and like order. People wonder where Conner got his curiosity and I always tell them it was my payback. My poor parents, I totally understand, I totally understand.

A/N After publishing this blog, many stories have been left out. My childhood friend Christena mentioned one in a comment on FB. In memory of her grandma Ilene, I must share:

Ilene was my babysitter one year in elementary school. After school one day,  Christena and I were in the kitchen. Her neighbor Lonnie called from his house for us to meet him at the bottom of Christena's backyard which was an orchard. I got so excited, that in my excitement I grabbed a whole bottle of dish soap and poured it in my hair. I needed to wash my hair before we saw Lonnie, or so I thought. Her grandma Ilene was so angry, it took her all afternoon to get the soap out of my very long, thick hair.  Christena has NEVER let me forget this story. I laugh so hard thinking about it still to this day.