Monday, October 14, 2013

Wrestling with Life, How I Hit the Wall and Bounced Back

Sometimes, life becomes an inner psyche wrestling match. August and September were inner turmoil months for me. We finally hit some hard realities of our move, nothing bad but obstacles to be overcome. At the same time, I helped some good friends through some really tough things. A huge door was thrown open for me that left me with a extremely difficult decision. Nothing major in the scheme of things but enough to throw me for a loop internally. I basically spent two months in near constant prayer for myself and others. It was a short time of great growth personally.

August first came in with a bang, a conversation with a friend turned out to be the last before life changed for us both drastically. I would spend twelve days wondering what happened to that friend only to find out the friend was seriously injured and life had changed forever. This friend was a huge ministry for me in the past eight months and I was devastated. On top of that, several other friends were facing difficulties and I was heavily in prayer and help mode for them as well.

Then we found out some things with both Marty's health insurance and pay. It was tough, something we weren't expecting and really took us out. Marty also was involved in a rather bizarre incident with a car at school as well. We wondered why us? but knew God was in control of these things. It became a match of trust and worry. One second the ball was in the court of worry only for something to happen to make us trust.

 We also knew our schedules weren't working with our long term homeschooling arrangements. As a family, we were focused on getting through while making changes and plans for the future. E is still trying to find her way, new friends and re-starting life in Knoxville. Conner is in high school, work is getting harder, we are looking toward driving, college and the future.

August is a month where I normally struggle with my looming birthday of 9/11. So add all of this together and it was UGLY. Thankfully, I was already on a path of confiding in several close friends, they upped the ante and really picked me up, listened and started helping me through. These women are my rocks and I am so thankful for all of them. The listened to a very ugly me for 60 days.

It was during this time E challenged me to a two week Twitter break. It was a good idea, it helped me focus on all the things I needed to deal with and made a quiet time for me to reflect, refresh and renew.I love it when the 13 year old knows best. It was during this time, that a lot of things started to happen.

Two friends asked to take me to lunch for my birthday. We sat out by the water, talked about life and suddenly a door opened. They told me I would be a great fit at their national company, the job description was every single thing I needed at the moment. I had to think about it though, it would mean leaving my friends Lee and Flavia. I decided to apply, had a list of five things I needed in this job and went to prayer.

The doors started flying open for me. The day I got the job offer, every single thing was on the list and I knew, I had to accept the job. So I did and the battle began, it was the first time, I knew that I had to do something for myself and family over helping someone else out. I wanted to stay working for Lee and Flavia but knew that I couldn't. In the end, after struggling, I finally was able to tell them and have a peace, they will be blessed too. Something good will come out of it for all of us. We are lucky to be friends and be able to support each other. I can still go in and work in the store, helping out on holidays and weekends.

I am really excited about my new job, it is a huge opportunity and career path for me. This is the opportunity of a lifetime. I am so thankful for the opportunity to move to Knoxville, to spend time with Lee and Flavia helping grow their business, to be able to have made new friends that led to this job.

Oh, I thought you might like to know, I got this job in a roundabout way because of Twitter and New Kids. I was introduced to Abbie by Lori when I moved to Knoxville. Abbie introduced me to Melani and Sherri, who are all fellow New Kids fans, we bonded and love each others company. So there you have it, make fun of Twitter and New Kids all you want, it was beneficial in other ways!

I feel a huge peace, burden lifted and a return of my happy go lucky ways. I am so thankful to those who stood in the gap for me, lifted me up and kept me going. You all know who you are and how much you mean to me. Thank you all from the bottom of my heart, you know that I will always return the favor.

Marty, you are my rock. You put up with so much wild and crazy from me. Thanks for listening, lifting me up and helping me through. I know that I wasn't easy to live with and you listened to the same things over and over again. So thankful for you.

Still would love prayers for the transition, praying for the little details that need prayed over. Excited to see where I am headed and excited to be able to be home with the kids again during the day. God is so good!