Friday, October 4, 2013

Guest Blog Single Mom Series: Heidi and Tekoah

This is a story that I love, it involves people I love dearly. I met Heidi when we were young twenty somethings going to the same church. She moved away and returned several years later, she never thought she would or wanted to be a mom. Then a blessing happened and she became a mom, she is an amazing mother whom I admire greatly. I even have used her as an example when someone I knew was making a decision on becoming a single mom. She has never once complained, instead she has been so thrilled to be a mom and loves her son. I have never seen such a miracle, it has been an amazing story to watch.

 She and her son Tekoah are dear friends to our family and she inspires me with the way she lives her life....she is just happy! We love Heidi and T-Man, and hope their story inspires you too.

How many kids do you have? How long have you been a single mom?

I have 1 son, who is almost 5. I have been a single mom since conception and have gone through the whole experience of motherhood on my own.

What is the hardest thing you face as a single mom?

The most difficult thing I would say is worrying about making the right decisions. Not having another parent to get an opinion and discuss options with make me second guess myself. Yet at the same time it is rewarding when everything works out.  Discipline has also been an issue. My fear is raising a “brat” so I find myself being too hard on him and expecting perfection, which is dumb because nobody (especially not me) is perfect and so can I expect a young child to be.

How do you make time for yourself?

BEDTIME. I stick to a schedule and have a set bedtime. That gives me a few hours in the evening to relax and do what I want (read/FB/TV/ do my nails/take a long shower, talk to friends without being interrupted 100 times) to just relax and not have to worry about ignoring him in order to do those things.

What do you feel people could work on in their reaction to you being a single mom?

Personally I have not had very many bad reactions when people find out I am a single mom. I am blessed with an awesome support system with my friends. In all honesty I have had very little negative reactions in regards to being a single mom other than a few comments about how a boy needs a dad. But in my opinion just having a “dad” does not make for a happy situation.  If that man cant be a good dad than not having one Is a better option.

Why do you think the world judge’s single mom’s instead of supporting them?

I think society makes it seem as though children are being raised by a single mothers end up being problematic.  I think this is a stereotype.  That these children tend to not have guidance for some reason.  I really felt this while watching the movie “Courageous”. At one point it made a comment about the statistics on boys without fathers. I know so many people who are productive members of society that were raised in broken homes and without fathers. I don’t know the accuracy of these statistics, but I believe that in those cases the mothers, single or not, were either uninvolved or detached or lacked parenting skills. Being raised by a single parent or not has not much to do with how they ended up. It is the social and class status of these environments, not amount of parents which resulted in their situation and choices they made in life.

If there is one thing you wanted people to be aware of what would it be? How can others be a better support system and encouragement?

Parenting is tough even with help.  Listening to a single moms call for help, even if its not directly asked for and being sensitive to needs. I for one am bad at flat out asking, I figure I can just do it and then stress myself out. Time is short and juggling so much takes a toll. I am blessed to have other single moms in my life to be able to discuss things with along with friend that have older children who guide me on the basic stages of children.  Listening and offering advice without judging is the best thing anyone can do.

What is your biggest discouragement in parenting solely? How do you encourage yourself to get through those times?

Discipline has been my main problem. I have a hard time following through sometimes. I am so busy trying to get things done, I will ask him to do something and he wont do it or will take forever and I end up doing it myself or telling him 10 times before it gets done. This is proving to be a big problem and a current issue. There just does not seem to be enough hours in the day for everything.

What is the best thing about being a single mom? Share the positives you have experienced.

Being a single parent is such a joy.  I get all the hugs, all the kisses and all the quality time.  I am blessed in the fact that I do not share custody so I never have to see him go away on the weekends or holiday. I get to do everything.  I feel so accomplished that I am able to provide all his needs myself. Its so rewarding to watch him grow and learn and know that I am the reason for that.

Conner,T-man and E
Conner and T-man

We miss Heidi and T-man