Peace and Sadness

Grandpa died today two months exactly to the day that Grandma died. He went to be with his girl and that is all he wanted. I am so happy to have had such wonderful grandparents and the chance to say those things to them and to say goodbye. But now we are on our own as a family and life will never be the same. Peace to you grandpa I am happy you are with your girl now. I will miss you always, Julie

YEAH!!!Cheer!!!Cheer!!!

I have been married 10 yrs today. I can't believe that time has gone by so fast and that it is already here and we have survived. It actually has been pretty easy and fun. I love you Marty more than ever! Happy 10th Anniversary!

Groundhog day

I was so looking forward to 2006. 10 yrs of marriage and turning 30 was a exciting prospect for me. Then before the year even started it turned into a bad year before it began. Ok,with that said life lately has been one day repeating itself over and over. I kept saying it has only been a month since Grandma got sick and it has been three months now. Then I keep saying it has only been a month since she died and it has almost been two. I went to see Grandpa when I got into town last week and he said," I havent seen you in six weeks" I replied, " No, it's only been four" then it hit me he was right. So anyways my mom had surgery last week so I went to good ol' Whittier to take care of her and it went well. Then my dad had to go the hospital because he wasnt feeling well and is probably on his way to heart attack number two. Then Grandpa went back to ICU and then they decided to bring him home on hospice. I know what your thinking... She must be making all this up... I really wish I was and wish this drama weren't reality. I hope I wake up and it has all been a really long dream. With all this vented I must say that I am so fortunate to have had wonderful Grandparents who I spent much time with, the chance to say goodbye to all three of them and to know them well. Before I left to come home, I went to the hospital to see Gramps. I knew, I was going to say goodbye and everytime I say goodbye, it could be forever. He was laying in the hospital bed and looked so peaceful. I went up and ran my hand through his beautiful white hair, he has the most beautiful white hair. He smiled and we chatted for a minute. Brianne made him laugh and was joking with him. As I left, I kissed him on the forehead, told him," Thank you for everything you have done for me." he looked at me, smiled and said, "You're welcome." Authors note* ( he passed away six days after this blog was written, eight weeks to the day that my grandma died.") These truly were my last words to him.

Sometimes things never change

It is hard when you want things to change and you try your hardest and they don't. I know you can't change people and that everyone has a free will. But when you tell someone they are hurting you and they still do what you ask them not to it is hard. Especially when it is family and you want to have things be at least functional and relationships working. When it is a parent doing these things it is even harder to grasp especially being a parent myself. I can't imagine not caring and trying when I have a child that is hurting. Sometimes you just have to keep walking away and build your own life with your own family and make a change for the future. blah,blah,blah, I can't even put my feelings into words and frankly probably should be careful of what I say since this is mostly public. I dont want to cause more drama for myself.

Video killed the radio star

Remember that 80's song??

So we got satellite radio and I am loving it:) there is a station called 1st wave that plays all new wave all the time. But payback has finally happened!

As some of you well know I was a holy terror childl! My parents told me someday I would see!

My first child was a handful and somedays I wondered if I would survive. The next was a handful in a different way but my parents still wonder how I got my sister's child:)

Well, today payback came in a very unsuspecting form. We usually all listen to the same radio station and it is usually KLuv or Kduv. But when we bought the satelitte radio both kids immediately saw that it had a radio Disney channel. Now that is all the want to listen to all the time:) Now giving up TV has not been hard for me and they watch Disney channel every chance they get. BUT the radio and my music OH, the humanity!

Radio Disney is teenie bop at it's best. Pre=packaged pop goodness all singing remakes of some song.

As I was pondering this I thought of my mom who listened to Kevin and Bean every morning while driving me to school. All those years of listening to KROQ and Morrissey and The Cure and the Smiths. I am sure she wanted to be listening to the KOST the whole time! Then I thought of my Dad and his loving gesture of taking me to New Kids and sitting through the concert with thousands of screaming girls and how he listened to KISS fm with me during that time.

Payback has happened and my kids are getting older! The sacrifices are getting harder but it is worth it to see them enjoying something they love.