Heeding

 I got this in a email from my friend Traci after my last blog. It really moved me and I thought it should be passed along, since many of us are going through trials. Traci is a hero of mine, one of my sisters of the heart and a true inspiration. Her son Josh has Duchenne's Muscular Dystrophy and she is a full time caregiver for him, a homeschooling mom to her other two sons. When she speaks, I listen because she has dealt with things I could never deal with, doing so very honorably and courageously.

The Secret Place

From My Utmost for His Highest by Oswald Chambers

February 14, 2005

THE DISCIPLINE OF HEEDING

“What I tell you in darkness, that speak ye in light; and what ye hear

in the ear, that preach ye upon the housetops.”  Matthew 10:27

At times God puts us through the discipline of darkness to teach us to heed Him.  Song birds are taught to sing in the dark, and we are put into the shadow of God’s hand until we learn to hear Him.  “What I tell you in darkness”—watch where God puts you into darkness, and when you are there keep your mouth shut.  Are you in the dark just now in your circumstances, or in your life with God?  Then remain quiet.  If you open your mouth in the dark, you will talk in the wrong mood: darkness is the time to listen.  Don’t talk to other people about it; don’t read books to find out the reason of the darkness, but listen and heed.  If you talk to other people, you cannot hear what God is saying.  When you are in the dark, listen, and God will give you a very precious message for someone else when you get into the light.

After every time of darkness there comes a mixture of delight and humiliation (if there is delight only, I question whether we have heard God at all), delight I hearing God speak, but chiefly humiliation—What a long time I was in hearing that!  How slow I have been in understanding that!  And yet God has been saying it all these days and weeks. Now He gives you the gift of humiliation which brings the softness of heart that will always listen to God now.

just one more thing

We got a call yesterday. Marty didn't pass his dialysis clearance, meaning he is getting adequate dialysis. So now we have to add another treatment or more fluid. For now, we will go to five treatments a day until we can get bigger bags of fluid.

 We feel very battered and bruised this week. One more thing to add to the growing list of things happening unfavorably. It is tough when you are doing everything they tell you and still feeling badly. This could be the reason for some of his other issues but he just feels discouraged and down.

Please pray for us during this time. We are weary and frayed around the edges. We just want this to all be over and move on.

The answer is not now

We got a form letter of sorts from UC Davis in the mail on Saturday. Their decision is to not list Marty at this time. The reasoning? he needs to lose 15 pounds, have 100 percent compliance with his hemo dialysis regimen and good lab values.

Wait, back up......hemo dialysis? he doesn't even do hemo dialysis! He does peritoneal dialysis and every treatment daily.

This is just what we needed, the door being shut. Obviously, we already knew UC Davis wasn't going to be a fit for us when we left there. This just sealed the deal.

The didn't even know the wait time for Kidney/Pancreas and seemed unwilling to do that transplant.

So we are waiting and sticking with Stanford. Our trip to Davis did show me what a better fit Stanford is and how their patient treatment is bar none.

Marty is scared this will cause problems with Stanford. I intend to call them this week and check in......again, asking if their is ANYTHING we need to know or can do. Marty was very discouraged, he is starting to feel like he may never get this transplant and it is tough watching his health get worse while waiting.

All we can do is pray and know that God's timing is perfect timing.

New tradition

We have many traditions at Christmas, sometimes almost too many to keep up with at times. This year Marty came up with a new tradition, a stocking exchange. Now that the kids are older stockings aren't the same and Marty and I never buy anything for ourselves.

  So we drew names, went to the dollar tree and spent a set amount of money. It was fun and the secret keeping around here has hit a new high which adds to the fun. The kids loved being able to participate and everyone already agrees this is a keeper.

I will let you know how it turns out!

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I guess nobody enjoys the silence!

You love me, you really do! ( my best Sally Fields impression), I guess everyone loves the chatty Julie and when I get quiet they know, something is off. I am okay ;)

Yes, I have been a bit down and discouraged lately. Marty recently had a new problem crop up that is a bit scary to us. We just wonder, how much more? Why us? Can't we have a break now? Just seems like more and more is going wrong and the transplant just doesn't seem to be coming fast enough. We are really hanging on by a thread.

On top of that, life is just really busy. For the first time in my adult life, I have done all of my shopping and have everything wrapped. Doing laundry everyday this week because my washer was leaking last week. Teaching school. Plus, Marty is home from work right now and we are all four home all the time, which translates...........my house is messy!

I recently met a new woman in our church. She told me she wanted me to help with women's events, she didn't know me but every time she sees me, I am smiling and happy even in the hard stuff. So, even though I am quiet, I am still smiling and happy.

Thanks for loving me and worrying about me. It really means the world to me to know, people really do care!

The end of NaBloPoMo 2010

This month has flown by, seems like just yesterday it was starting and now it is finished. This was a different year of NaBlo for me, the first time both parents and Marty read along.  It was fun having them cheer me on with my blogging and encouraging me to blog.  In fact, this month was my highest rated month ever on my blog tracker, I had over 1121 hits on my blog this month. WOW! That many people read this thing?

Congrats to Di who made it through another year, we both missed Andrea this year. My friend Sam did a great job posting, her first time ever participating. It is fun when your friends blog along and encourage you to blog.

I am glad to not have to blog tomorrow, I am sure all of you are glad also. I still have several fresh blogs in my head and am sure my hiatus won't be too long!

Thanks for reading and supporting me!