Tuesday, March 15, 2011

Happy,boring, normal,words I have longed to use.

 That describes our life right now. We are just adjusting and finally hitting the routine, everyday mode. It's so nice and a refreshing change.  For so long, life was stressful, anxiety filled, unknown and hard. Now with no dialysis and a working kidney, life is good once again.

I am so grateful for that time and the realizations that came with it. I learned that so often, we live in our own self created drama or drama created by other people. When something happens, out of your control, not caused by someone else, you learn that lesson. We were living something that I wish was a easy fix but wasn't.

I have learned that worrying, is a waste of time and energy, it gets you nowhere fast. Worrying is trying to control things that are out of your control. It wastes precious time and energy.

Everyday that everyone is healthy is a good day, no matter what. It's hard to not sweat the little things, but in perspective they don't really matter.

Most of all, I wanted to thank some really important people. For a long time, it was ugly. There were a lot of hard days. There's a  few people who heard the ugly, day in and day out. There were dark, hard parts that I didn't want to share publically with anyone. Everyone knew it was hard but these people heard just how hard. Most of them live far away, outside of our everyday circle of friends and family. They were a safe sounding board for me. They took on a huge burden and really helped carry me through. I could get online and talk to them at all hours. Many nights where Marty couldn't breath when he slept or early mornings when his blood sugar crashed so low, I thought we might end up at the hospital. Or days when his blood pressure was so high, I feared he would have a stroke or heart attack.

They would talk me through, give me kind words, pray for me. They would take the worry and carry it for me, when I couldn't worry any longer. Sometimes, in my in town circle, they were on the receiving end of frantic phone calls where I proceeded to have grand hissy fits before them and God!

I have so many thank you's to make. These are the first of many. I wanted them to get the first. I don't want to leave anyone out or hurt any feelings, because so many have helped us through.

For my little prayer group, who I met at the time Marty got diagnosed: Viv, Kim, Sarah, Janeen, Sandra, Ruth, Tammy,Ellen and Carla. Thanks for being there and listening to the really hard parts. For being accessible at all hours and listening to the ugly things, nobody else could hear. God brought us all together and I know it was at his perfect time!

For the cone of silence gals and two senors: Andrea,Di, Eric, Caroline, Stacy, Rachel, Rube,Sam, who really heard the bad parts and stuck by me on some VERY whiny, ugly days. These people have seen the ugly and still love me in spite of myself. Thanks for talking me through. For the new cone of silence friends who came along in the very last months, your new blood helped take the burden off some of the others.

For the phone partners: Traci, Tam, Heather,Staci, Joyce and Heather for talking me through some very tough times and encouraging me always.

And my mom and Dad, they took a lot of hard phone calls and I know it was hard for them to hear. They wanted to fix things they couldn't fix.

Rachel and Sarah, who made so many trips to see us when we were stuck! They brought a piece of home and family to us.

I am so thankful for everyone that helped us. Everyone played different roles and many hands made the burden light. I just wanted to share a part, that I largely kept in secret and for myself.  It was a private place for me to go and have someone who would listen. This is not the last of the thank you's by  any means. There are so many of you, it will take me a while to get through the list!